God's Mercies in Disguise

One of the Bible verses I learned as a child is that from Isaiah 55:8 which says, "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." Many times in my life I have asked, "How much longer must I wait, Lord?" Whenever I begin to question Him, this passage reminds me that God knows best and I need to wait for His perfect time. 

Photo credit: Maan Palma

Growing up, it was instilled upon me that in prayer, having faith means knowing that God  is capable of giving me all of my heart's desires. But wait, there is the important element of trust! To surrender to the will of God means that even though I am telling Him what I want, I cannot prescribe how God must answer me; I have to let Him work wonders in my life and not demand that He must give-in to whatever I am asking from Him. As a daughter of the Almighty Father, I ought to have confidence in His goodness, wisdom and faithfulness. To trust God means I will let Him shape the answers to my prayers according to His love and mercy. 

When our prayers do not get answered, the devil takes the opportunity to deceive us into believing that God has forgotten us and has left us to fend for ourselves. But as Christians, we know that to trust the Lord means we shall allow Him to give us what He knows is best for each of us, His children.  God alone sees beyond what our eyes can see, He knows infinitely more than what our finite minds can grasp, and we have to humbly submit to Him and be rest assured that He shall only give what will most benefit our souls and our situations in life, according to His plans. But then again, whenever the crosses upon our shoulders seem to become too heavy to bear, we are all tempted to question God if He truly listens and loves us...

Just for the last week,  I have been to four Advent recollections. Bringing to mind all the marvelous blessings God has bestowed upon me, I also remember all my prayers that God has not answered. In retrospect, all those unanswered supplications have been part of God's wonderful plan for my life.

I remember how, as a little girl, I wanted my entire family to move to the United States to be with my father who was working there at that time. It did not happen. Prior to college, I was offered a chance to study in the US, but that, too, did not materialize. I may only have inklings as to the real reasons why God did not allow me to go there back then, but I now see the many reasons why He preferred to delay the grace of migrating to a foreign land. Looking back at the way my life as a student had been, I realized that all my experiences in school have helped shape who I am today. One of the best blessings of spending the crucial formative years of my life here in the Philippines is growing in the Faith, thanks to my teachers and mentors in the Catholic schools I have attended.

I recall that time I had my heart badly broken and begged God to intervene that I may receive the love that I thought I deserved.  I felt so shattered and unworthy of love. The Lord did not meddle in the affairs of my heart, and back then it seemed to me that He was not being a supportive Father. Fast forward to the present day, whenever I remember those crazy days, it has become an opportunity to laugh with God. I am so glad now that He did not answer my prayers then, because now I understand that He was just sparing me from more misery and tears.

I think of the many times I cried myself to sleep at night, wondering if God could hear my pleas. Reminiscing about those moments, I now know that in His denials, He makes sure to make His love palpable and evident so as to prevent me from falling into despair. All those tears have taught me to rely on His unconditional love for me. In every single "No" that He has given, He has taught me to depend on His generosity and providence. His unfailing Word promises me that He keeps track of all my sorrows; He collects all my tears and records each one in His book. (Psalm 56:8). He promises to one day wipe every tear from my eyes and there shall be no more mourning nor pain. (Revelation 21:4)

In my life, I have asked God countless things, and whenever He chooses to give me less, it is when I am assured that He loves me too much. For the things I still beg of Him, He instructs me to be patient, for only He shall choose to answer me in His own way and in His own time. He teaches my heart to rejoice and to feast on hope while I wait for the fulfillment of His promises to me. In suffering and in waiting, God transforms me to become a woman after His own heart, and He draws me into an even deeper relationship with Him.

In the past, whenever I feel burdened and at the brink of despair, I would question God "Why?". These days, when problems arise, I am now able to ask, "Lord, how can I find You in the midst of all these problems and pain?" 

Often, God's gifts to us do not come in the kind of packaging that we expect. We find a rock, and discover that within is a precious diamond. The rain has to pour first, before God paints the sky with a rainbow.

Laura Story-Evington says it best in her song, Blessings: God's gifts come through rain drops, His healing comes through tears; a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He is near. My greatest disappointments and the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can never ever satisfy. The trials, the tempests, the hardest nights, are God's mercies in disguise.

The Challenge To Be Merciful and Compassionate

When you have all the reasons to get miffed, how does one practice mercy and compassion? 

I have had a hectic schedule for the last two months, and it is even busier in the coming weeks. This morning I thought of all the things that make me tick and offered them to God...

Sleep deprivation. Messed-up meal times. Technical difficulties at work. Stifling heat. My allergies. Some characters who think they own the world and act like they have the right to make slaves of everyone. Traffic everywhere. 

These and other little things that can make a person easily irked or go ballistic are just some of the things that can spike my cortisol levels into unbelievable heights. Add to these stimuli are some people who will just get into my nerves no matter how hard I try to be nice. Often, I do not have the gentleness of an angel; nor the patience of a saint. I am sometimes short-fused like Saul of Tarsus when provoked. But through the years, I have, if I may say so, become tamed. (On that note, even my snootiness has tempered.)

I am God's work in progress. I am glad my conversion did not include falling to the ground like what happened to Saint Paul on the road to Damascus! Neither was there a burning bush nor peals of thunder and arrows like lightning! From day one, I was introduced to a loving, gentle God who will never turn His back on me. His loving kindness drew me back to run to Him, like a prodigal daughter returning into the loving arms of the Almighty Father.

To be  a woman after God's own heart really requires both His Grace and my cooperation! I am just so glad we have a merciful, very patient God who never gives up on me!

This morning I was begging God to fix my schedule for me so that I can fulfill all the dreams He has planted in my heart. I was also dreaming of a much-needed "hibernation." But he reminded me to do (and keep on doing) certain things so that I shall always have "grace under pressure."

Start the day with a prayer. This I have proven to be foolproof! When I begin my day even with a few moments to talk to the Lord, the day passes in a breeze. "In the face of so many wounds that hurt us and could lead to a hardness of heart, we are called to dive into the sea of prayer, which is the sea of the boundless love of God, in order to experience His tenderness."(Pope Francis) Prayer does not have to be very long. What is important is that it is sincere. I usually start my "conversation" with the Lord the moment I open my eyes. I thank Him for waking up to another day. I offer Him the plans and activities that need to be done, and pray that in everything I may be able to give Him glory and praise. I always bear in mind that it is not my work; that it is not my mission, but it is God's. He is only using me to be His hands and feet ~ His heart. If it is possible to go to daily Mass, then I  go. I do my very best to do so. "The Mass is the most perfect form of prayer." (Blessed Pope Paul VI)

Forgive seventy times seven. We all stumble and make mistakes. Sometimes we do hurtful things to others, intentionally or unintentionally. When someone wrongs us, do we choose to retaliate, or do we use our energy instead to resolve misunderstandings or issues? Jesus challenges us to make allowances for each other's faults and forgive those who offend us, just as He never tires on forgiving us. During the Mass of the Lord's Supper in 2013, Pope Francis said "... Sometimes I am angry with someone or other... but... let it go, let it go, and if he or she asks you a favor, do it. Help one another: this is what Jesus teaches us and this (is) what I am doing, and doing with all my heart." Jesus' example ought to motivate us to be merciful, because God in His inexhaustible mercy has also forgiven us. In the Lord's prayer, we say "And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."(Matthew 6:12). Either we take the path towards revenge, or opt for reconciliation. The choice is really ours.

A smile begets a smile . Pope Francis said, "I cannot imagine a Christian who does not know how to smile. May we joyfully witness to our faith." Happiness is contagious; smiling is an outward expression of joy... In my daily commute, I'd often come across people who test my patience. In the past, little annoyances would ruin my day. I have learned now to try to look at the bright side of every situation. I have read somewhere that we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. It is the same with the way we choose to deal with every circumstance in our life. The way we respond to others, even the way we choose to see things, make all the difference. Happiness is a conscious choice. Sometimes, all it takes is a smile to cheer-up someone who is in sorrow, or let another person feel at ease. A smile can brighten the darkest day!

Count your blessings. I remember one of my favorite childhood fairy tales, Peter Pan, where he said, "Think of happy thoughts and you will fly!" As Christians, we ought to think of all the blessings God bestows upon each of us and count them! "Young people who choose Christ are strong: They are fed by His Word and they do not 'stuff themselves' with money, possessions and fleeting pleasure", Pope Francis told the youth last 29th (diocesan) WYD earlier this year. Yes whatever wealth or possession we have right now are blessings, too. But those that really matter are not the things that money can buy! Wealth of priceless value includes our family, our friends, our Faith, and many more! Whenever I begin to think of my real treasures, I cannot help but smile and forget my inconveniences. 

Go the extra mile. As worn out as it may sound, I believe this adage is still good advice. Going the extra mile is not just doing more of what is expected of us, but it is also putting our hearts in whatever we are doing, and doing even the simplest things in love. Oh yes, Love. Love is always the best answer. "Love is the measure of faith", Pope Francis tweeted @Pontifex. Our Holy Father also said that "Faith when centered in service opens oneself to a true encounter with God." We are all called to follow the example of Jesus who laid down His life for us. There is so much loneliness and despair in the world because we who are in Christ fail to live out our baptismal duty of sharing God's love and mercy with others. Pope Francis reminds us that "Everyday we are all called to become a 'caress of God' for those who perhaps have forgotten their first caresses or perhaps who never have felt a caress in their life."

Swim against the tide. We live in an age where Faith and morals are sadly downplayed. The world entices us to settle for vain and empty illusions of happiness. Pope Francis told the youth to "Pay attention, my young friends: to go against the current; this is good for the heart, but we need courage to swim against the tide... We Christians were not chosen by the Lord for little things; push on-wards toward the highest principles. Stake your lives on noble ideals, my dear young people!" (Pope Francis, April 28, 2013 Homily) In another instance, His Holiness said, "Say NO to an ephemeral, superficial and throwaway culture, a culture that assumes that you are incapable on taking responsibility and facing the great challenges of life... Have the courage to swim against the tide. Have courage to be truly happy... Think big instead! Open your hearts!" I find assurance in the hope and joy I have in Christ. What a stress-reliever to know that when I obey God, I bring joy to His heart.

Focus on Jesus. In a world now too caught up with the advances in technology, in easy access to comfort and instant gratification, we sometimes lose sight of the things that are really important. We forget that God is the Source of all the blessings we have. The Vicar of Christ teaches us that "Following and accompanying Christ, staying with Him, demands 'coming out of ourselves'... out of a dreary way of living Faith that has become a habit, out of the temptation to withdraw into our own plans which end by shutting out God's creative action." (Papal Audience, March 27, 2014). Pope Francis reminds us that "The life of Jesus is a life for others. It is a life of service."  Following Jesus, and keeping our eyes fixed on Him also means trusting Him fully. "Trust in God banishes all fear and sets us free from every form of slavery and all worldly temptations", Pope Francis said. When we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of Faith, we receive the grace to strip off every weight that slows us down and we are able to run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1-2). We are able to fight the good fight with courage and determination, and are not easily discouraged. We are able to persevere and are not afraid to share the Gospel even when the world considers us foolish because we are assured that in Jesus we find our strength and our salvation. 

Remember always that we are made for happiness. Choosing to leave the corporate world and embracing a life of pastoral work in the vineyard of God has been the most radical, craziest decision I have made in my life, and I have no regrets. It is not financially fulfilling, but it has filled my life with so much joy. A few weeks ago, coming home late again from work, my mother exclaimed, "It is not easy being a fisher of men!" I did not have the right words to say at that moment, but my heart was overwhelmed with so much happiness. I no longer enjoy the "glamour and prestige" of being a career woman in Makati, but I know that I am perfectly where God wants me to be. "Faith in God has everything to do with the happiness we are made for. Jesus did not come to take away our fun. In His words, 'I have told you these things so that My joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete!'" (xt3.org Advent Calendar 12/1/14)

Pope Francis said that "To change the world, we must be good to those who cannot repay us." He challenges each one of us to be Jesus for others. "To love God and neighbor is not something abstract, but profoundly concrete: it means seeing in every person the face of the Lord to be served, to serve him concretely... Love is expressed more clearly in actions than in words. There is greater love in giving than in receiving. These two criteria are like the pillars of true love: deeds, and the gift of self." (Homily, 6/7/13 Feast of the Sacred Heart)

Right now, one song plays over and over in my head ~ the prayer of generosity of Saint Ignatius of Loyola: Lord, teach me to be generous... to give and not to count the cost... to labor and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do Your will. I remind myself now that patience is a virtue. That in my journey, I must travel with Jesus along the path of Love. I pray to be able to do everything in love. I pray to be constantly renewed by God's mercy so that with His grace, I may always be merciful and compassionate like Jesus.