Desiderata

BY MAX EHRMANN

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

The Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Translation of the Holy House

Lord have mercy.

Christ have mercy.

Lord have mercy.

Christ hear us.

Christ graciously hear us.

God the Father of heaven, have mercy on us.

God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.

God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, pray for us.

Holy Mother of God, pray for us.

The Dominican Rosary

Although the rosary is said to have predated Saint Dominic, Tradition does hold that the founder of the Ordo Praedicatorum introduced the use of the Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary as "a balm for the wounds of his contemporaries." Moved by a vision of the Mother of God, Saint Dominic preached the used of the rosary in his missionary work among the Albigensians, who denied the mystery of Christ.

Read SUPREMI APOSTOLATUS OFFICIO, Pope Leo XIII's Encyclical on the Devotion of the Rosary.

The DOMINICAN ROSARY

O Sweet Christ on Earth

"How do you know if you are called? 
That is for you to know. You need to have an open heart to be able to hear God calling you."

The above are not accurate transcriptions (and translation) of memorable lines that struck me while watching the movie Papa Francisco, The Pope Francis Story earlier. (Originally entitled Francisco: El Padre Jorge.) A colleague gave me his premiere night movie ticket for the film about Pope Francis, brought to the Philippines by Pioneer Films, in partnership with  Veritas and SM Cinema, and which will be officially shown in movie theaters on September 30, 2015. 

While paying close attention to the big screen, and making sure I was able to read the English subtitles, I was also having flashbacks of the wonderful experience of seeing the Holy Father so close during his apostolic visit to our country last January. It is amazing how I have been given the once-in-a-lifetime honor to serve the Vicar of Christ.

Sweet Christ on Earth

A Poem for the Virgin Mary

My painting of Our Lady of the Southern Cross.
(acrylic, c. May 2011)

I praise and worship the Triune God, 

for giving you to me, my Glorious Queen.

You who with trust bore and gave birth to my Lord,

I rejoice for with your 'fiat' I am redeemed. 

'Ave Maria gratia plena Dominus tecum',

with the Archangel Gabriel I sing.

By a singular grace you were conceived sinless --

as only God can grant you through Jesus our Sovereign King.

To you oh Virgin Mary my Sweetest Lady,

I give honor as Jesus Himself honored you.

I thank Jesus your Son for entrusting me to you;

Know my dearest Mother that I love you!

(It has been four years since I wrote this poem for Our Lady. How time swiftly flew by. I am glad that through all the ups and downs of life, I can claim to also be the child of the Theotokos! "I have gained a matchless prize, and thus I stand beneath the skies; the child of Mary.")

The Sorrowful Mysteries: Biblical References

Lay Dominican Novitiate/ O.P. Notes

The Rosary of the Virgin Mary, which gradually took form in the second millennium under the guidance of the Spirit of God, is a prayer loved by countless Saints and encouraged by the Magisterium. Simple yet profound, it remains, at the dawn of this third millennium, a prayer of great significance, destined to bring forth a harvest of holiness. it blends easily into the spiritual journey o the Christian life, which, after two thousand years, has lost none of the freshness of its beginnings and feels drawn by the Spirit of God to "Set out onto the deep" (duc in altum!) in order  once more to proclaim, and even cry out, before the world that Jesus Christ is Lord and Saviour, "the way, and the truth and the life" (John 14:6), "the goal of human history and the point on which the desires of history and civilization turn". ~Saint John Paul II, in his Apostolic Letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae.

The Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary:

Swim Against the Tide

My daily commute to work is, at most times, uneventful. Often I'd take the one-tricycle, one-jeepney ride to go to New York, Cubao (my stop), and then walk about a minute or so to get to the Obispado. (It's been a joke among friends that I'm a New Yorker, only that I work near New York Street in Quezon City. The streets around the office are names after some North American cities, like Chicago, Vancouver, Seattle, Maryland, Denver, among others.)

This morning I took an FX from Rotonda. (An FX is a term used for non-metered taxis, named after the 1986 Toyota Tamaraw FX model of multi-purpose vehicles.) I sat at the back, where it was comfortable. Beside me was a woman probably in her 50s. Across from me were two young male students. In the middle seat were three more young men, and a woman. In front, beside the driver, were two women who wore uniforms I recognized as from a bank. The male passengers, based on their conversation that the rest of us could not help but overhear, are students of a university that we'll pass along the route to Cubao.

Reflections While At the "Happiest Place on Earth"

With Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse.
Disneyland Resort Hong Kong. c. 2009

I recently visited Hong Kong Disneyland again. The first time I did, I was with my brothers. This time, I went with office mates.

Admittedly, I still felt extremely thrilled to be there, even though it had only been about a year ago since I had the most amazing time with my nephew and niece at Disney California Adventure. I can still feel the excitement of my nephew as we walked down Route 66 in Cars Land. I actually miss the semi-wild Radiator Spring Racers ride through the winding roads up the mountains, then through steep banks, and hairpin turns. And I clearly remember how my niece cried in fear while we were on one of the tractors at Mater's Junkyard Jamboree; I had to ask a Disney personnel to stop the ride so that we could get off. Ah, the things an "auntie spoiler" will do for a nephew/niece!

Be God's Lady

Today marks the end of the Flores de Mayo, the May festivities dedicated to the Queen of Heaven and Earth, the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

Last night our parish had its Santacruzan, a procession that depicts the finding of the Holy Cross in Jerusalem by Queen Helena of Constantinople (Reyna Elena) and Constantine the Great. I looked out for favorite "participants of the Sagala, like the Reyna del Cielo (Queen of Heaven), or Rosa Mistica (Mystical Rose), but did not find them. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed it, especially watching the little girls dressed as angels holding the letters of the angelic salutation, AVE MARIA! I have to admit, though, that I miss the more traditional ones that I used to watch at my parents' small provincial town in Quezon. There seems to be too much pageantry going on now, and less of the religio-historical aspect that I grew to love. But I won't write about that here.

Before Mass earlier, I found myself looking at a stained-glass window of the Annunciation. For an instant, I felt like being brought back to that moment when our Sweetest Lady said her Fiat to Archangel Gabriel. As I stared in awe, almost seeing the delicate incomparable beauty of our Lady in the flesh, I could only utter a silent prayer for the grace to also grow in the virtues that Mother Mary has attained so perfectly!

Lent to Easter with the Saints

A few years ago, I spent Lent (up to Easter) outside the Philippines; it was spring that time. I realized that just as Mother Nature renews herself in springtime, so are we also called as Catholic-Christians to start afresh,  to call to mind the passion and death of Jesus, to renew our baptismal promises each year, and with God's grace do our best to live lives that are pleasing to Him. (I just learned that Lent is from the Anglo-Saxon word lencten, which means "spring.") During Lent, we are called to die to ourselves, to "suffer with Jesus and be buried with Him that we too may be resurrected." We are called to spend the 40 days in prayer, penance and true conversion. Lent culminates in Holy Week, and then in the triumph of Jesus over death on Resurrection Sunday.

My journey from Lent to Easter this year has been full of surprises, blessings, and even struggles. But I am grateful for the Communion of Saints who have prayed for me, and have inspired me to persevere.

Saint Bernadette Soubirous on Patient Endurance of Sufferings

In France, Saint Bernadette's feast is celebrated on February 18, which incidentally was Ash Wednesday this year. Being a few days after the feast of our Lady of Lourdes, I spent that first day of Lent rereading about our Lady's apparitions at the cave-grotto at Massabielle. My visits in Lourdes, France had been special and Faith-enriching, and I reflected on that. I also watched again the movie Song of Bernadette, and for several days after, pondered on Mother Mary's words to the young saint from that quaint town that lies in the foothills of the Pyrenees: "I promise you happiness not in this world, but in the other."

After the apparitions in Lourdes, Saint Marie Bernarde joined the Sisters of Charity in Nevers where as a nun she did humble and menial tasks in the convent, and worked as an assistant in an infirmary. She contracted tuberculosis of the bone, a pain said to be most excruciating, but which she bore with humility and total surrender, and which she offered to God as penance for sinners. She has willingly offered herself as a victim soul. I have been so inspired by her forbearance of suffering, and humility to carry one's cross with love and faith. 

Saint Paul tells the Romans, "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

The Road Less Traveled By

"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? Do you get what you're hoping for, when you look behind you there's no open door? What are you hoping for? Do you know?

This song was the last I heard before I got off my stop on my commute going home today. It has ear-wormed its way into my head. Usually I would get annoyed when a song, especially one that I do not particularly like, gets stuck in my mind for a while. But this one reminded me of a pivotal moment in my life which made me choose a different road, instead of the original I had planned to take. (I wrote about that life-changing experience here.)

I believe that in God's great design of the entire Creation, He has made each person for a specific purpose ~ a mission that only that individual, and no one else, can accomplish.  

As a little girl, I remember learning in catechism classes that my choices must be aligned with God's will. I also learned to pray, "Dear Lord, may Your will be done in my life!" I did not understand the seriousness and depth of those words then, but I prayed them anyway. Another vivid memory I have was wondering if the heavens would open, and God's thundering voice shall be audibly heard speaking to me so that I will know just what to do. 

But it does not happen that way. How then do we know where God wants us to go? How do we know what the will of God is in our lives?


Spend Time to have a Prayerful Discernment

The Catechism for Filipino Catholics says, "To discern God's action in our daily lives demands a spiritual sensitivity that comes only from authentic Christian prayer and worship. This means that our personal prayer is grounded in God's revelation in Scripture and the Church's living Tradition. Only then are we sure to worship 'in Spirit and in Truth.'" 

In one retreat I attended a few years ago, I learned that discernment involves making a decision that gives utmost priority to the will of God in our lives. It is not simply choosing between two or more options. It is going for the best out of other good choices. 

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises said, "Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God's deepening His life in me."

We are all hard-wired to have the ardor to seek for God, after all we are created after His own image. But our longing for God must move us to make the conscious decision to open our hearts to Him, and listen to His voice. He will not impose; He respects our free will, a gift which He has given to mankind. 

"The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for." (CCC § 27)

If we allow to have enough time for prayer daily, I believe that our omnipresent God, in His infinite goodness and love, will speak directly to each of us. Perhaps not in the same way that He spoke to the prophets of old, but the Lord who knows our thoughts and our hearts, definitely also knows best how to speak with us in the events of our daily lives, if we allow ourselves to be receptive to Him.

Another thing I did which helped me in my discernment is finding the time to attend recollections, and retreats. The solitude helped me in having heart-to-heart talks with God. Even now, I still attend talks and symposiums that deepen my understanding of the Faith. I have also been very choosy with the books I read now. I used to just leaf-through any book I get a hold on, no matter what it is about, all because of sheer curiosity. It was difficult at first, but these days I hunger for books that help enrich my Faith. A book that has become a favorite of mine is The Story of a Soul by Saint Therese of Lisieux. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, and The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena, are helpful books, too.

Be Not Afraid to Tell God Your Fears

Everything starts with small beginnings. But we have to take that first step, and do it with courage. I started mine by voicing to God what I was so afraid of. I told Him I knew what I wanted in my life but was unsure if it was for my best. I told Him all my dreams, and even consulted Him that these dreams were not what the people around me wanted for me; and that I sometimes felt caught in a dilemma between obeying them and doing what I want for my own life. I told Him I am too sinful, felt inadequate, and so unworthy. Initially I was hesitant to tell Him everything, including all my fears, my disappointments, what I most desire, and exactly what I was expecting from Him. Yes, I have been this open to telling God what I truly feel. With prayer, I eventually felt at ease telling Him what's in my heart. He knows everything anyway.

In a prayerful relationship with God, we are able to allow Him to speak to us through His Word, the Holy Bible. Reading about the lives of the saints, and other holy men and women, have helped me, too. He also uses the ordinary events of our lives to inspire us, and even sends people whose lives may stir in us a desire to serve Him concretely, or in a particular way, in His Church. More often than not, God uses the wisdom of other people to speak to us.

One such saint who has inspired me is Saint John Paul II. Having seen him up close at the World Youth Day in Manila, hearing him speak, and reading some of his works, has influenced me greatly. He often told the youth, "Be not afraid!"

"Ask yourselves, young people, about the love of Christ. Acknowledge His voice resounding in the temple of your heart. Return His bright and penetrating glance which opens the paths of your life to the horizons of the Church's mission. It is a taxing mission, today more than ever to teach men the truth about themselves, about their end, their destiny, and to show faithful souls the unspeakable riches of the love of Christ. Do not be afraid of the radicalness of His demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give Himself to you, as well as asking of you. If He asks much of you, it is because He knows you can give much." ~Saint John Paul II, The Meaning of Vocation.

In my Faith journey, one of the things that deeply took root in my soul, and which has been a source of great help and consolation, is my love and devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I am afraid, I run to Her. When I am confused, I beg Her to consult Her Son Jesus on my behalf. When I am in desperate need of something, I plead with Her to God to answer my prayers.

We have Mother Mary as our role model of humble surrender and total obedience to the will of God.  (Luke 1:26-38). Through her good counsel and powerful intercession, I believe that the answers to our prayers are expedited.  (John 2:1-12) That is of course, if it is in line with the will of God. But I am confident in Her guidance and love for me, and for all of us her children. "She is more Mother than Queen", said Saint Therese. And she truly is! 


Taking the Leap of Faith

What happens after we hear God speaking to us, and we are made to realize what He wants done through us? 

We ought to obey. We take a leap of faith.

I reached a crossroads in my life when I knew what I wanted in my life, and at the same time what God wanted for me. They were not exactly the same. 

I worked for an airline company for almost a decade. Then my job after that was with an IT company which provided travel software and technology solutions for the global travel industry. It paid well, and it had awesome perks. All those years, God had been gracious in helping me balance my rather hectic schedule. I served in parish ministries. I did a lot of volunteer work both in Church, and with socio-civic organizations. I traveled once or twice a year, sometimes even more, both here and abroad. It was not exactly a glamorous life, but I enjoyed God's countless blessings.

And then He called me. He spoke to me, from His heart to mine, and told me what He wanted me to be. I struggled. I doubted. I questioned Him several times. I laid all my uncertainties before Him. He was magnanimous and patient with me, as always. He gave me time. Finally, when I said yes, I knew even within myself that I was ready. He has made me firm in the Faith. 

The Lord, through Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Rose of Lima, among several other saints, has called me to be a Lay Dominican. So I decided to leave the corporate world, and chose to be a full time pastoral worker in Church.  It does not give me the same perquisites like my previous jobs, but it definitely gives me blessings beyond my expectations.


Reaffirmations and Reassurances

During the apostolic visit of Pope Francis in the Philippines last January 15-19, 2015, I have been so blessed to serve as a volunteer for the official Papal Visit PH media team. I was even chosen to be among those who flew to Tacloban during the pope's Mass there. And being with the youth ministry of the diocese, I was also among those present to listen to Lolo Kiko's message at the University of Santo Tomas.

The pope's message struck to the core, and I would not be shy in admitting that I was in tears upon hearing his words.

"Real love leads you to spend yourselves in love, to leave your pockets open and empty. Saint Francis died with his pockets empty, but with a very full heart. This isn't easy to understand: To learn how to beg. To learn how to receive with humility. To learn to be evangelized by the poor, those that we help, those infirm, orphans; they have so much to offer us... Do you know that you, too, are poor? Do you know your poverty and the need that you receive? Do you let yourselves be evangelized by those you serve? Let them give to you? And this is what helps you mature in your commitment to give to others, to learn how to offer out your hand, from your very own poverty..."

For Each Tree is Known By Its Own Fruit (Luke 6:44)

Discernment is a life-long process. Having already said yes to God does not mean I should stop regularly asking Him what to do, and where to go next. I don't want to sound too self-righteous, but it is important to also be aware if my decision to follow Him has borne good fruits. (Fruits, which I learned, do not necessarily mean something I would pick out for myself; but things that others would benefit most from.) 

I am God's "work in progress." I actually believe He needs to do major overhauls with me. But He teaches me loving-patience. (I still am sometimes too hard on myself!). The Lord has been infinitely patient and merciful to me. I ought to learn from my Greatest Master and Friend. 

My life with Christ has truly been a wonderful adventure, far greater than what I expected and wanted it to be. The world may find me foolish for leaving the world that promises me success, power and money, and for taking instead the radical path of service and love like what my Radical Master Jesus did; but I have no regrets. I am happy that I am perfectly where God wants me to be. 

          "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- 
               I took the one less traveled by,
              And that has made all the difference."

                                                    

True Love: On Waiting, Keeping It Real, and Everything in Between

Never stop dreaming.

"Do not lose the ability to dream... If you lose the capacity to dream, then you lose the capacity to love...

What is the most important subject you have to learn in life? To learn how to love; and this is the challenge that life offers you: To learn how to love..." 

These quotations from Pope Francis' messages when he visited the Philippines last January 15-19 this year, keep playing in my head like a song that I cannot shake off. Lolo Kiko's words remind me of what one of my granduncles told me who I visited when I recently went to my parents' hometown. 

My Lolo told me, in an almost poetic recitation: "Ang bayabas na lunot, matakpan man ng mga dahon, matutuklasan pa din ng ibong masigasig sa kanyang paghahanap." (I'd roughly translate it as : An overripe guava, though covered by leaves, shall be discovered by a persevering bird). 

I shared a good laugh with my Lolo. I laughed that he likened me to a ripened (or overripe) fruit. But in between our shared giggles, he has been very reassuring. Being often bombarded with the question "So, when will the wedding bells finally ring for you?", my Lolo has put things in perspective for me. I have to admit that he seems to be more hopeful for me than I am for myself. He has been consistent in telling me that I am going to be married to a... well, I'd leave those details as our little secret. (Heaven knows anyway, and that's what matters!) He accurately describes what I have always been consistently praying for. Of all the people who often asks me "when" it is finally going to be, I do not actually mind it if it is coming from this said grand uncle. Because he also always tells me that I should not rush what the Lord's plans are for me. He constantly reminds me that all things shall work out perfectly according to God's will. My Lolo always tells me whenever I get the chance to chat with him that I should never stop dreaming and hoping, because God shall grant the desires of my heart in His perfect time. 

It is always encouraging talking to him, instead of listening to people telling me that I am not getting any younger, that my biological clock is ticking, that it's terrible and sad to grow old alone, and so on and so forth. 

Not that I feel old and miserable. Some seem to have the notion that just because I am single, I am lonely and sulky. Others even have this ridiculous conclusion that I am so desperate to find a husband soon that I will do anything and everything to be able to change my title from Ms. to Mrs. Well, there goes my so called friends. Those who truly know me inside and out, and who unconditionally love me, know what I want, know that I will not stupidly (forgive my French) rush things, and that I will never compromise my values, especially my Faith.

I'd like to blame it on February. It is still the love month, after all. I have been lovingly, if not annoyingly, barraged again with the "marriage question" by concerned friends and relatives who seem to have no one else to ask but me. By this time actually, I already know those who are truly concerned and those who are about to give scornful utterances and start derisive heckling. I have learned to avoid the latter. 

So what can a single-Catholic woman do until Pure, True Love comes to find her?

Plenty. There's actually so much to do; personally I sometimes feel I need more than 24 hours in a day to do all of them.

Wanderlust has got me: Lisieux, Lourdes, London, Paris, Rome,
Chicago, Sydney, and the Vatican City are definitely places I will return to.

Discover Something New, and Do What You're Passionate About

Who said I am lonely again? Far from being discouraged that I have yet to be the wife of Mr. Loving-and-Tech-Savvy-Able-To-Take-Care-of-Me (who my Lolo always says has been born already, is somewhere in the other part of the world, but still needs a little bit more convincing  from God and our Lady that I actually exist), I am actually enjoying the time of my life now. One of the things that I enjoy doing as a single woman is travelling. Fifteen years ago, I wrote something about wanting to see the world. I have not actually been to all the seven continents yet, but I have taken the steps to do that. There are activities I wanted to do, and places I once dreamt of visiting, that I already crossed out from my bucket list. I have gotten out of my comfort zone, have conquered my fears, and have surpassed expectations of myself. Apart from the adventure and learning about other cultures, I discover the world in a way that I know I will not learn inside a classroom. Going places has opened my eyes, and has helped me develop skills I did not know I had. 

A recent awesome blessing: being a volunteer 
News writer/Blogger for the official 
Church Media team for the #PapalVisitPH

Besides being constantly bitten by the travel bug, I have also focused my time on what I am passionate about. I have always loved to be involved in the community, especially in Church ministries. In one of the boldest decisions I have had to make, (which may have turned me into a big fool in the eyes of others), I left the corporate world and am now a full time youth-pastoral worker in our diocese. It may not be as financially rewarding, but I have no regrets. Nothing compares to the joy I have in God whom I serve.

I love to volunteer. The very first time I actually did was way back in 5th grade. I assisted in a SPED class. I also volunteered then in a youth group in our neighborhood. Through the years, volunteering has always kept me busy, and in a good way. Thinking about it now, volunteering has helped increase my self-confidence. It gives me a natural sense of accomplishment. I think it may be one of the reasons I don't feel depressed. Being in regular contact with others, and exposing myself to people with common interests, has helped broaden my support network, and has definitely gained me new friends. And I think it has also helped me develop my social skills. (I remember being shy as a little girl!) Volunteering is my kind of a relaxing, energizing escape from the daily routine of work. It renews my motivation, even my creativity. Personally, I think helping others kindles happiness. 

I am Pro-Life to the core. (I have shared my story here, and shared some insights here.) If I could fix my schedule, I do my best to take part in pro-Life projects. One such activity was held last February 14th. I joined friends from other pro-Life movements in their campaign to counter the free-condom-giving activity of RH Bill supporters who endorse safe sex but not genuine love. 

Volunteers from MYA Cubao,
and recipients of the candy-giving activity

Pro-Lifers went around Manila, particularly in the University Belt, to promote pure Love, and the beautiful virtue of chastity. The theme of the activity was #WeKeepLoveReal. I have sought the help of volunteers from the Ministry of Youth Affairs of the Diocese of Cubao to participate in the "Stay-Pure" candy-giving. Repacking the candies was easy; but giving them away was a challenge. Some were reluctant to receive them even if the candies were free. Others gave a cold look of what seemed disbelief. There were even those who rejected the sweet treats. Some needed a few explanations as to why we were doing what we're doing before they accepted the pack of candies. While there were those who willingly and thankfully accepted them without any questions. 

One of the Cubao youth volunteers, in reflecting about the whole experience, said that the activity was like the search for one's true love. You get ignored, doubted, rejected, even brokenhearted several times, before the love God meant you to have comes along. And when it comes, it could only be the very best, and well, the sweetest that one could ever imagine. 

Perhaps you, too, have dreams you want to fulfill, or places you want to visit, or causes close to your heart that you want to get involved in. Be courageous and start ticking them off your list now while you haven't yet tied the knot!


Get to Know God More. Do Radical, Time-Consuming Things to Spread the Joy of the Gospel.

Yes, be a radical, and satisfied single person. 

Jesus' love for us is a radical kind~ a love that's unconditional, frees us from the bondage of sin and death, and brings back our dignities as children of God. To be radical means to go back to the basics, to what is truly essential; and to be in a real relationship with God and not with the world. Being radical means getting rid of our greed, self-righteousness, complacency, compromise, and relativism.

Being single actually has its own dangers. (Especially in unwanted singleness). Satan is after all of us, but I think the devil loves to taunt single people because it is an opportunity for him to discourage and deceive those like us who are single and are serving God and the Church.  One temptation of being single is living one's life according to one's desires. And I mean doing everything that the world tells us will give us satisfaction and happiness. Another temptation is to believe that marriage will meet our needs and solve our problems. It is not always true, as we may have heard from our married friends and family who seem to regret jumping into marriage unprepared. (Check out Saint Paul's advice on 1 Corinthians 7:1-11). 

I have to mention that discernment is vital in order to radically follow Jesus. We have to be willing to follow in His footsteps, because He will never force us into doing something that is against our will. That's just how much God loves us. He respects our decisions, and patiently waits for us to obey Him.

Speaking of discernment, I have come across people who seem to be afraid of doing it. There is the notion that once you discern, "search-in" particularly, you will end up in a convent or seminary. That is not always the case. Some are indeed called into the religious life. Most, into married life to have a family, while others, to be in the state of single-blessedness.  

Another radical thing I did in my life, besides leaving my high-paying job, was taking my Faith experience to the next level. I have been serving God and His people since my teenage years. (I have to mention that I am thankful to my mom for praying for my siblings and I to become active in Church. And for being very supportive, too.)  After several months of discerning, I have joined the Third Order of Saint Dominic, or the Lay Dominicans, under the Our Lady of La Naval Chapter in Santo Domingo Parish. It's been a year already; I need several years more before I become perpetually professed. It was not an easy decision. I wrestled with God, figuratively, about it. I struggled because of the knowledge of my own weaknesses, my fears, vulnerabilities, relentless pain, and exhaustion. And plus I had many other plans that I wanted accomplished! But He had a way with me. With the mercy of God, I eventually confronted those feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, failures, and everything that hurt me, my sins included. Only after I ceased struggling did I realize that I really cannot live life without God; I need Him so that I may receive the power of true conversion and transformation, the grace to be able to totally abandon myself to His will, and the gift to have endurance, faith, and courage.

Part of that long discernment process was knowing that God intended me for marriage. I have stopped asking Him when it is actually going to happen. I only know with certainty that it shall be as He wants it, in His kairos, and not according to my own timeline.

Even in our sinfulness, God our Father will only give the very best to His faithful children. I was told that if I could do all means possible to get to know a person I wish to be married to, why not double the effort as well in getting to know He who has planted all these wonderful dreams in my heart? 

So while I wait, I believe that it is important to spend time to satisfy one's soul, and to first learn what true love really is from Him who is Love Himself. We love because God loved us first. Only when we really know what Love, and what He intended the holy sacrament of matrimony to be, can it be possible to have a loving marital relationship.


Become the Spouse You Want to Marry

It is easier said than done, but I do my best to use my time being single as an opportunity to become the kind of person I would want to marry. It is a good time to assess my strengths and weaknesses, and to take active steps so that I can improve myself. It is also a great time to nurture the gifts God has blessed me with. 

Part of the waiting period is staying chaste. Some people mockingly tell me that I am missing out a lot in life because I am still a virgin. People have different views about their sexuality. I value mine the way my Father in heaven values me; He is my King and therefore I am His princess. I won't settle for anyone less than who He has specially prepared for me. Waiting till marriage for sex does not mean I will put my life on hold. As I have said, there are many beneficial things to do that can help make a better version of myself, as well as not endanger my soul. 

The only time I will have a sexual relationship is when I and my future husband have first brought God into it through the sacrament of holy matrimony. I will not have anything less. I believe that that is the only way copulation will bring true, lasting joy in a man-woman relationship. I remember reading from a book long ago that sex should be free, total, faithful, and fruitful. I want that! My husband and I shall give ourselves freely to each other, unselfishly, unconditionally, without coercion nor price tag. We shall give of ourselves completely to each other, holding nothing back. We shall be loyal and true to each other, and shall only have each other as long as we both live. And of course, we shall both be open to life, and will not do anything to render the act infertile. 

Volunteering, and Keeping Love Real by
Spreading the Joy and Love of God to everyone.

I know I need to be realistic, too. I may be a virgin still, but I cannot really expect the same thing for my future husband. (I hope I am wrong that virgin men are rare these days!) I am not perfect myself. So I am leaving a big room in my heart to love him by accepting that he, too, like me, has weaknesses and shortcomings.  I am pretty sure my love for him shall be stronger that I shall look past his mistakes. 

The goal is to become a woman after God's own heart; and it involves not just my own might, but more the mercy and grace of God which makes the impossible possible. It is my prayer , too, that my future husband shall be one who is also passionate about following Jesus, and desires to be a man after His Heart as well.

I may sound too idealistic, but as God's daughter, I just cannot compromise my values. The ultimate dream (and blessing) is to have a marriage that has a Christ-centered intimacy. I want a marriage that is modeled on Trinitarian Love.  Jesus has shown us that real love is pure, and is willing to lay down one's life for the beloved. That's the kind of love I want to share with my future husband. Ultimately, I want a marriage that will make saints of our future children, and one that shall bring us all to heaven. 

Ask God great things. What else could He not give; He gave us His only Begotten Son! God who is our Loving Father is able to do far more abundantly (and infinitely) beyond all that we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)


Set the World on Fire.

One of the many Saints who has been instrumental in my discernment was Saint Catherine of Siena. (I later learned that she is the patroness of Lay Dominicans!) Her advice during her time still applies to us all even now: "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." 

I believe that true love waits. (Originally, it means sexual abstinence outside of marriage). For me, it also means patiently waiting for the one true love that God has specially prepared just for me. While I wait for him, I shall do what I ought to do ~ according to what God has created me for:  to be His hands, His feet, even His voice, so that the world may know that His mercy and love endures forever. Borrowing from another patroness, Saint Therese of Lisieux, "my vocation is Love."

I entrust the ribbon of my life to the loving hands of my Sweetest Mother Mary, who unties all the knots in it; and to Saint Joseph, my dearest patron.

Here's to dreaming big dreams, and setting the world ablaze!

Eyes and Hearts Cleansed by Tears

Part 3 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

Of all the events during the Holy Father's apostolic and state visit to the Philippines, the Holy Mass in Tacloban officiated by Pope Francis was the most moving for me. It was amazing how, even while he was delivering his homily in Spanish, his heart spoke to the hearts of all of us gathered there. The translation of course was a big help. But his words were not meant to be understood by the intellect, but of the heart.

The Catholic Faithful undeterred by the strong winds and rain.
The Faith of the Filipino people is storm-proof!

I suppose that the human mind and heart can only stand so much grief and anguish, and once we reach that limitation, the tears are necessary to help us come to terms with our losses and struggles. It takes a strong person to express one's overwhelming sorrow in tears. It takes courage to declare our unspeakable love through tears to a beloved who refuses to accept us. It takes dauntlessness to be able to cry and have our tears wash away our blindness.

The men and women present there at the papal Mass were people full of courage, faith, and hope. They were unafraid to cry and to show the world that they are still in deep pain. In showing their vulnerability, I saw very clearly that they draw their strength from and dependence on Jesus who suffers with each of us. I was a witness to their  resolutely fearless disposition, deeply rooted in their unwavering faith in God. 

I have my own battle wounds, and though some have healed, the scars remain to remind me of its lessons. Although I had my own reasons to cry before the Lord, at that moment I allowed myself to weep for my brothers and sisters all gathered there. 


Healing Tears

In a Mass held in Casa Santa Marta in 2013, Pope Francis said that, "All of us have felt joy, sadness and sorrow in our lives, but have we wept during the darkest moment? Have we had that gift of tears that prepare the eyes to look, to see the Lord? We, too, can ask the Lord for the gift of tears. It is a beautiful grace... to weep praying for everything: for what is good, for our sins, for graces, for joy itself... Weeping prepares us to see Jesus."

People moved to tears.
Photo credit: http://scjphil.org/ 

I can only imagine the pain every single person present in that papal Mass in Tacloban was carrying in his/her heart. And what great consolation it was to have the pontiff in our midst. Indeed tears help wash away whatever "dirt" we have in our eyes: our indifference, our biases, our disillusionment, all our frustrations, our fears, even our sins. "Sometimes in our lives, tears are the lenses we need to see Jesus", Pope Francis said in one of his homilies.

In my own experience, reaching the place of tears is like being set free from something that stifles and/or imprisons me. Crying helps me cope with emotional and physical suffering, helps relieve me of grief and pain, and seems to always contribute to my healing.


Becoming Wounded-Healers

As a Christian, I know for a fact that there is the joy of the resurrection after suffering and death. That is why I know that as long as I am alive, I will have to go through my Gethsemanes, carry my crosses on Calvary, and finally arrive at that glorious resurrection promised by Jesus.

In Gethsemane, we wrestle with our own will and with God's will. We struggle, we ponder, we weep, we pray, we even question God. But it is with His grace alone, not by our own might, that we are able to surrender to Him without counting the cost. It is with His mercy that we are able to abandon ourselves to Him. When we obey His perfect will, we are able to behold the intensity of His struggles, share in His sufferings, and realize the depths of His love. On Calvary, we carry our crosses, we fall, we rise again, we are stripped of our perceived securities, we are mocked, abandoned, and die to ourselves. At the resurrection, we are redeemed, made whole again, and become able to see clearly and deeply the value of our sufferings, and our very existence. We are drawn closer and deeper in Love of Him. 

A man crying during the pope's homily.
Screen-captured from a video by CTV-Vatican

Even the saints spoke of having "dark nights". But in darkness, we are purified, and we learn to trust God more. We realize that devastation can bring about hope and renewal. We get the reassurance that God will never leave us alone.

Pope Francis, in humbly saying that he did not have the perfect words of comfort for the survivors of typhoon Haiyan, pointed us to Jesus. In a world now too caught up in advancements in technology, in instant gratification, and doing things "our way", the Holy Father challenges us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of Faith. He reminded us that Jesus knows exactly what we are going through, for He also lost loved ones to death. He was also betrayed and abandoned by His friends and family. He knew loneliness and ridicule, for He endured all that while He hung on that cross. "Let us look to Christ", the pope said. "He is Lord. He understands because He underwent all the trials that we, or you, have experienced."

"Certain realities in life we only see through eyes that are cleansed with tears", Pope Francis told the youth who were at the encounter at the Royal and Pontifical University of Santo Tomas the next day. Speaking for myself, seeing Pope Francis up close was like seeing Jesus in the flesh. He is after all Christ's Vicar here on earth. Yes, I saw Jesus. Through the Holy Spirit's gift of tears, I have seen God in my heart. 

By Jesus' wounds, we have been healed. And by His example, we are called to be wounded healers ourselves to a world so immersed in injustice, oppression, and pain. We are able to journey with others in their sufferings because we are also wounded and in need of healing. We are able to become truly merciful and compassionate with others because God has shown us His infinite mercy and compassion. We are able to overcome our weaknesses, and are healed of our wounds, because of God's love; for His only begotten Son shares in our suffering. In John 16:33, Jesus assures us, "...in Me you have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." 


Carpe diem. Savoring the Faith. 

I made a list of what I must do while in Tacloban : where to go, who to interview, questions I can ask the people, places I need to take pictures of, among other things, I had plans mapped in my head. But ever since I left the corporate world and decided to dedicate my full time to pastoral work in the service of Holy Mother Church, I have learned, often serendipitously, to let God work things out for the good of all those who love Him; and especially in my life. I admittedly enjoy the way He always surprises me with His better plans and His blessings, and I look forward to more! 

I truly am blessed to have been there in Leyte to witness the way Pope Francis and the survivors of Yolanda were moved by each other's presence and declaration of solidarity and love. And I cannot help but think that perhaps, that was how Jesus had been every single time He was with the least,the lost, the last,  the most deeply wounded, the poorest of the poor. 

In Tacloban that fateful and memorable Saturday, I chose to seize the day and savor the moment of seeing the Vicar of Christ up close. Not to downplay the other events in Manila, but in my own opinion, if I am to compare the way he smiled and waved to everyone during his visit, I think he seemed happier being with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda. Ultimately, my whole experience in Leyte was not just seeing Pope Francis, but hearing Jesus' words, seeing the Lord, and feeling God's love and mercy through our Holy Father. 

I have seen the two other popes, and attended Masses celebrated by Saint John Paul II and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, and they have all left a lasting impact on me. The Mass in Leyte with Pope Francis, I am sure, will also leave a indelible mark on my heart, soul and entire being. And I only have God to thank and glorify for this very humbling blessing He has bestowed upon me. 

Ad majorem Dei gloriam!