Of Rainbows, Cobblestones, and Saints

Everything passes... God alone suffices!
Saint Teresa's reminder on a wall at  Ávila

“Nada de turbe, 
nada te espante 
todo se pasa,
Dios no se muda, 
la paciencia todo lo alcanza, quien a Dios tiene nada le falta 
sólo Dios basta!” 
~Saint Teresa of Jesus

One of my most memorable pilgrimages was in 2011, on August 20th. I joined the Ministry of Youth Affairs of the Diocese of Cubao and was among the pilgrims to the XXVI World Youth Day held in Madrid, Spain. That Saturday morning was our "free time". The catechesis sessions and cultural programs ended the day before, and we were allowed to do as we pleased; but  of course we had to bear in mind that we were not there for pleasure. The only schedule ahead was the pilgrim walk to Cuatro Vientos for the vigil with the Pope, but it did not start until two in the afternoon. 

We opted to spend our morning at the UNESCO World Heritage City of Ávila, the walled town of Castilla y León. It was an hour and a half away from Madrid by train. On the way we were awed by the sites of the picturesque landscape, centuries-old stone ramparts, and views of turrets possibly of a medieval castle. It felt like a page from a fairy tale book coming alive before our eyes. 

Overlooking the charming town "outside the walls"

I did not have any expectations for that side-trip except that I wanted to learn more about Saint Teresa and her stunningly beautiful birthplace. But prior to that 3rd European sojourn, I came across a catechesis on the Doctors of the Church given by Pope Benedict XVI in one of his general audiences. The pope said that Saint Teresa lived on two principles: first, that everything in this world will one day pass away, and second, that God is eternal. Her poem Nada de Turbe sums it best: "Let nothing disturb you, Let nothing frighten you. All things are passing away; God never changes. Patience obtains all things. Whoever has God lacks nothing; God alone suffices."

Solo Dios basta! God alone suffices. I pondered on these words and reflected on what very little knowledge I had about the life of Saint Teresa. I prayed for the grace to grow deeper in my relationship with God and go home with reinvigorated Faith. 

"Even the lowly sparrow finds a home for her brood,
and the swallow, a nest for herself
where she may lay her young..."

Saint Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada was born on March 28, 1515. She was raised by well-to-do, pious parents, and as a little girl learned to read pious books. She was however not immune to the lures of the world. She underwent a stage in her life when she became idle, vain, and cold in her devotion. She found herself not having pleasure in prayer, and was discouraged by periods of spiritual aridity. She confessed to being disobedient and ungrateful to God. Sincerely repenting after realizing her sins, she resolved to persevere in her zeal towards the path to virtue and perfection. She loved the Lord with all the strength of her heart until she attained the grace of  transverberation, or mystical union with God. Her incorruptible heart is preserved in a reliquary in a Carmelite convent in Alba de Tormes. She said she owed her conversion to Saint Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is an inspiration we can all imitate in fighting the good fight till the end, with our eyes fixed on Jesus who is the author and perfecter of faith. 

Saint Teresa lived a life in evangelical poverty, detached from the possessions that the world offered her, and was concerned primarily with her personal relationship and friendship with the Lord, which she expressed in her service and unconditional love for the Church, the body of Christ. In her I find an example of someone who acknowledged her trust and total dependence on Divine Providence. She reminded me of the primacy of seeking first the kingdom of God over the pursuit of wealth, prestige and power. 

Plaza de Santa Teresa, and Gate Alcazar

It was overwhelming to be there, and I later realized it was a major turning point in my life. I was not prepared to hear what God wanted me to do next. I have been serving in Church ministries for several years and somehow, deep inside, I knew sooner or later God would uproot me and plant me in another soil where I can grow more and bear much fruit for His Kingdom. I was not just expecting it anytime sooner.

I had my own plans. I was pressuring myself to accomplish all that I had set in my timetable. I am not actually the success-driven type, but I had goals I wanted fulfilled soon! Prior to the trip, I was deliberating on whether I should go back to school, have a career change, or do something radical with my life. But the Lord had His way! With my consent of course. God, in His unfathomable and unconditional love for me, did not force me to agree with what He wanted for me. He allowed me to make my own choices, and waited patiently until I willingly embraced His plans for me. It was quite a long process of discernment, but I wouldn't want it any other way because of the invaluable lessons I learned.

We visited a museum that kept the reliquary of one of her fingers. Displayed there are some manuscripts, her rosary, a sole of her sandals, among other precious relics, including that of her friend and confessor, Saint John of the Cross. A few feet from the museum was the Baroque-style Convent of Saint Teresa, built on the site of her birthplace. I marveled at the magnificent sculptures and paintings inside. In great awe at the wondrous gifts from God who made everything I saw there possible, I spent time on my knees in prayer. Saint Teresa, through her writings, emphasized that we must persevere in prayer. "God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres. He will by little and little strengthen that soul, so that it may come forth victorious", she said. But other than the graces we receive, prayer is our means of communication with God. It is indeed a blessing to know that I shall never ever be alone because I have Jesus who is not only my Savior and King, but also my greatest Friend!

With some of the pilgrims from the Diocese of Cubao

As I explored the cobblestone streets of the quaint town where Saint Teresa once walked on, I expressed my fears and uncertainties to God. I knew that He always knows and understands my innermost being, my thoughts and my desires, more than I ever can. I felt so unworthy and told Him I didn't feel equipped. But God lovingly assured me that He is going to be in control. I only have to trust Him fully.

There are only two things, if I'd ever ask for a sign, that I request the Lord to give me should I need a reassurance : a shooting star or a rainbow. That day in Avila, as I begged God to guide me in the next steps I am going to take, I gazed towards the heavens in fervent supplication. Lo and behold, a rainbow! With tears of joy, all I could whisper to God was Thank You and I love You! 

I thanked Saint Teresa, who I knew interceded for me, too! I imagined her telling me, in her own words, "Trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Be content knowing you are a child of God."

I couldn't ask for anything more!

My Avila Rainbow
"My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky..."

Peregrinação ao Santuário de Fátima : O Milagre do Sol

Today, October 13, marks the 97th anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun which occurred in Cova da Iria near Fátima, Portugal in 1917, as promised by Our Lady of the Rosary to Blessed Jacinta and Blessed Francisco Marto, and Sister Lúcia de Jesus dos Santos.  The event lasted about ten minutes, and was witnessed by 100,000 people. 

One of my favorite dramatizations about the apparitions in Fátima is The 13th Day, a movie that was based on the accounts of Sister Lucia.  I've seen it several times, and the story of the three seers still moves me; and I get a different inspiration and realization every time I watch it.

The first time I heard about the miracle, I prayed to be able to one day visit the pilgrimage site. And God did not disappoint. In His perfect time, He allowed me to visit Fátima.

The procession of the image of Our Lady of Fátima
before the Eucharistic Celebration (08.13.2011)

Below is a reflection I wrote three years ago, after that blessed visit to that sacred place:

A Visit to Our Lady of the Rosary 

What draws man to run to God? What makes him walk on his knees to plead for His mercy and goodness? What makes him surrender his entire life, hopes and dreams to Someone whom he has never seen? These questions suddenly flood my head as I arrive at Fátima , Portugal , seeing people both young and old, walking on their knees, deep in prayer. 

We arrived on a chilly Saturday morning in Fatima

You get that feeling of a warm welcome once you reach the square in front of the imposing Basilica, in honor of Our Lady of the Rosary. Being a Saturday, and the 13^th of the month as well, I knew that more people were coming that day. It was summer and yet it was unexpectedly cold when we arrived; and though we were all shivering, I felt soothing warmth deep within me. It was almost like coming home into the arms of a loved one I have not seen in years.

At first I found myself carried away by what the senses beheld. People from all walks of life were in a prayerful disposition. Conversations were almost in whispers. And the sights?! The camera could only but catch a particular frame, but it cannot really show the whole picture. I would have to rely on the gift of sharp memory to be able to always remember all that I saw and heard there. . I can still hear the echo of the bells ringing, signaling that the Eucharistic celebration was about to start. All the sounds were like music to my ears… That too, brought a sense of tranquility I cannot explain in words.

Instead of walking, pilgrims approach the
Chapel of the Apparitions on their knees

I did say my prayers of course. There were many people to pray for – family, loved ones, friends, relatives, acquaintances, people who need prayers the most, people who have no one to pray for them… and yes, even those people who wish me ill-will… who are jealous and envious of me … My enemies, if I may use that term. There were many intentions to pray about too -- mine and others’-- that needed to be brought to the foot of the Cross of Jesus through Mother Mary’s powerful intercession. It seemed that praying would never cease.

In the midst of the unavoidable little inconveniences, the language barrier, and the scorching midday heat, I asked myself those questions again. What draws man to call upon a Supreme Holy Being whom he has never seen? What moves him to tearful surrender to the Will of an omnipotent God? We all might initially answer that one prays to be relieved of the sufferings we all go through in our borrowed life here on earth. But is that what really makes us fall on our knees in supplication and trusting abandonment and surrender?

Blessed Jacinta and Blessed Francisco's 
final resting place inside the Basilica

The Fatima message is about repentance… about choosing to walk on the straight path of righteousness… about being obedient to the precepts of the Lord Almighty… about having child-like faith in our Almighty Triune God... and about the importance and power of prayer. But being there to witness the throngs of people with eyes lifted to heaven, I realized that there is a stronger power that draws us all to call upon the Holy Name of God, through the intercession of our Virgin Queen and Lady, Mother Mary. I struggled for a little while to get satisfying answers, but even before I finished my prayers, God reminded my heart. It may sound cliché, but my one answer to my own questions is Love. God made me remember, that the one answer to all the questions I’d ever ask will always have to be Love -- holy, agape Love.

Procession towards the altar for 
the Eucharistic celebration

Saint Thèrése of Lisieux said it best; “Jesus needs neither books nor Doctors of Divinity in order to instruct souls; He, the Doctor of Doctors, He teaches without noise of words.”  So all I had to do was look deep within my heart, remember how Jesus took all my sin and shame and died for Love of me. Saint Paul ’s letter to the Romans states this: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

The throngs of pilgrims from all over the world 
who came for the Mass

Serenity enveloped my whole being. I wanted to cry. I wanted so much for God and Mother Mary to be there physically to embrace me in their arms. I wanted to sit on God the Father’s lap and whisper into His ears all my joys and pains, my dreams, my deepest longings… He alone knows what I have been through… about the things I had to sacrifice in order to stay firm in my Catholic Faith. He alone knows me, understands me, and never ever abandons me. God alone remains faithful and true. What my physical existence cannot achieve, I knew, with His grace and love, my soul was able to transcend into. And also, I only had to look at the people all around me and remember how deeply and wonderfully loved I am – and all of us, by a merciful and generous God. We are all therefore drawn to fall into our knees in prayer not only because we need to bring our supplications to God. We are all drawn to Him because we were all created in Love. “We love, because He first loved us.” (1Saint John 4:19)

Inside the Basilica of 
Our Lady of Fatima

His Word remains true: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” (Saint Matthew 6:33)  And so I prayed while I was there in Fatima , inside the basilica that Mother Mary asked to be built. Above all the other things necessary for my existence that concern me, I prayed for spiritual gifts and nourishment… I prayed to be able to know Him more… to love Him deeply and intimately… to be strong and firm in the Faith… and to be a living witness to this hurting world.

What happens after that? Prayer draws us all closer to God, the giver of all good gifts. But most importantly, prayer allows us to know more about His will for us… His grand plans for each of us… and allows us to abandon in total surrender all that concerns our earthly existence. 

I still have temporal needs of course. I still have urgent requests that I need miracles to. And I definitely still have these deep longings in my heart that I am begging God to grant to me. The amazing thing about my visit to  Fátima is achieving a deeper knowledge and love of God. And attaining that peace which He promised and He alone can give. From a human vantage point, the future may seem bleak. But seen with eyes of faith… eyes fixed on Jesus -- I am assured of a beautiful future full of only His best gifts and overflowing with His Love!

Some of the people who 
watched the solar miracle

Victor Hugo said that “Certain thoughts are prayers.  There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees."  I left  Fátima feeling that way; and with renewed strength and a deeper faith, I pray to be able to live the  Fátima message and share them with others. Share them in ‘actions’, and use words only when necessary. I cannot take credit for anything, for all things are God’s gifts to me. I pray for His grace to be at His bidding always… and to model my life in Mother Mary’s fiat: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Saint Luke 1:38)

Santuário de Fátima

La Naval de Manila 2014 : Reflections

Mary said to the angel, "How can this be..." 
"For nothing will be impossible with God," the archangel Gabriel said.
Mother Mary replied, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

I have read and heard this part of the account of the Annunciation by Saint Luke countless times, and yet today when it was read during the Mass celebrating the feast of Our Lady of La Naval de Manila, my eyes swelled with tears. God, through Mother Mary, never stops reassuring me that He causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him. 

The La Naval Grand Procession earlier. 
Photo © http://www.mb.com.ph/

How can this be? Many times in my life, I would ask God this question. And it is often followed by "Why" and "How much longer, Lord?" 

Knowing God's will in our lives does not come easy; it had not been with me. I had to rethink my priorities. I had to leave my comfort zone and do my best not to look back with regret. I had to relearn a day at a time to be trusting and to be thankful. It is easier to say we trust God, but do we really? I say that all the time, too. To have deep faith and total trust in Him is all grace. I still falter every now and then, but I am thankful God has taken my hand and He walks with me every step of the way. In all honesty, it has taken almost my entire lifetime before I understood what God has called me to do. And I am grateful that God gave me an abundance of courage, strength and the grace of obedience to be able to give Him my yes.

The grand procession
Photo credits: Marc Henrich Go

But it had been very simple with the Blessed Virgin Mary. When she asked, "How can this be?", she was not even for an ounce doubting Saint Gabriel's astonishing news. She looked at her situation: a virgin betrothed to Saint Joseph who had to stay chaste until her marriage, but was told that she would conceive and give birth to the Son of God. When told of God's wonderful plans, her response was one of unwavering faith and total abandonment to the will of the Almighty Father. Reflecting on her words now, I realized she was merely revealing the plight of humankind: that without God, the impossible shall remain just that, impossible.  

Often I would feel constricted and can only do so much in this world where I live. Many times I'd feel so discouraged and unworthy, and the feeling worsens when the very people I expect would support me are the very ones who push me down. Oh my hope that is in Christ alone! Without God, I am definitely going to lose my sanity and won't stand a chance of surviving in this valley of tears.

But today Saint Gabriel reminded me, "For nothing will be impossible with God!" I prayed as I took in every single word, as if the archangel were actually telling them to me, and asked for the grace to believe him with the same faith as Mother Mary had. 

God constantly reassures me of His unconditional, unfathomable love. He has been merciful and his generosity is definitely unrivaled! He has shown me many miracles, both small and grand. My very life and existence is  a miracle! But the past few months felt like living in the dark nights of the soul. I see the Holy Spirit always at work in my life, but I struggled to keep the faith and to believe that God shall work exceedingly beyond my expectations. 

Photo credits: Mao Almadrones 

How can it be? It is so much easier to stop believing that what God has promised me shall ever come to pass. But I choose to surrender to the will of God and let His hands work in my life. He promised to surprise me with the very best anyway! Thank God for the gift of wisdom that made me see from His point of view!

For as long as I am living, my life shall have its challenges. I will still have to face the uncertainties of every tomorrow. But when push comes to shove, I am confident that I shall never be alone. Jesus gave me His Mother to be my Sweetest Mother, too ~ she who knows my every smile and sigh, all my wishes and dreams. She goes to her Son on my behalf even before I ask her, like she did at the Wedding at Cana.

I suddenly recalled a conversation I had with one of my English professors in university who told me that he prays I become what the Madonna and Her Child want me to be. And I also remembered a story I was told that at the very last moment, my father named me Madonna instead of another name he and my mother wanted for me.

In God's grand plans, there are no coincidences! As I knelt in prayer before the holy image of Our Lady of the Rosary, La Naval de Manila, I asked the Lord Jesus to grant me the grace to be deserving of the name of His mother. I prayed for the grace to be able to always tell God, "Ecce ancilla Domini; Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum." Behold the handmaid of the Lord, may it be done to me according to your word!