Even When It Hurts

I have been meaning to write about one particular unforgettable experience during my visit to Poland, but have not really sat down to do it. Although I did write a draft of this blog entry while still in Chudow, I never got to finish it there. So after more than four months of having restless sleep because all the words flow in my head while I am lying in bed, I am finally trying to work on this now. And it's the wee hours of the morning on a Friday. I am hoping my caffeine fix will take care of the impending headache later due to lack of sleep.

At the Jasna Góra Monastery in Częstochowa, Poland
with my foster family

Will Work For Travel
If wanderlust were like pixie dusts that accidentally spilled over my head, I am certain I almost got buried underneath lots of it. 

I love going places. The travel bug bit me deep enough to make my desire for globetrotting ridiculously insatiable. If only I could just pack my bags any time and go somewhere instantly! In every place of course, I have had memorable adventures and misadventures. Poland is stunningly unforgettable no doubt. I was expecting to be gobsmacked, and the country did not disappoint. But a misadventure happened to me there. And I put the blame solely on me.

Reflections While At the "Happiest Place on Earth"

With Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse.
Disneyland Resort Hong Kong. c. 2009

I recently visited Hong Kong Disneyland again. The first time I did, I was with my brothers. This time, I went with office mates.

Admittedly, I still felt extremely thrilled to be there, even though it had only been about a year ago since I had the most amazing time with my nephew and niece at Disney California Adventure. I can still feel the excitement of my nephew as we walked down Route 66 in Cars Land. I actually miss the semi-wild Radiator Spring Racers ride through the winding roads up the mountains, then through steep banks, and hairpin turns. And I clearly remember how my niece cried in fear while we were on one of the tractors at Mater's Junkyard Jamboree; I had to ask a Disney personnel to stop the ride so that we could get off. Ah, the things an "auntie spoiler" will do for a nephew/niece!

The Road Less Traveled By

"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? Do you get what you're hoping for, when you look behind you there's no open door? What are you hoping for? Do you know?

This song was the last I heard before I got off my stop on my commute going home today. It has ear-wormed its way into my head. Usually I would get annoyed when a song, especially one that I do not particularly like, gets stuck in my mind for a while. But this one reminded me of a pivotal moment in my life which made me choose a different road, instead of the original I had planned to take. (I wrote about that life-changing experience here.)

I believe that in God's great design of the entire Creation, He has made each person for a specific purpose ~ a mission that only that individual, and no one else, can accomplish.  

As a little girl, I remember learning in catechism classes that my choices must be aligned with God's will. I also learned to pray, "Dear Lord, may Your will be done in my life!" I did not understand the seriousness and depth of those words then, but I prayed them anyway. Another vivid memory I have was wondering if the heavens would open, and God's thundering voice shall be audibly heard speaking to me so that I will know just what to do. 

But it does not happen that way. How then do we know where God wants us to go? How do we know what the will of God is in our lives?


Spend Time to have a Prayerful Discernment

The Catechism for Filipino Catholics says, "To discern God's action in our daily lives demands a spiritual sensitivity that comes only from authentic Christian prayer and worship. This means that our personal prayer is grounded in God's revelation in Scripture and the Church's living Tradition. Only then are we sure to worship 'in Spirit and in Truth.'" 

In one retreat I attended a few years ago, I learned that discernment involves making a decision that gives utmost priority to the will of God in our lives. It is not simply choosing between two or more options. It is going for the best out of other good choices. 

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises said, "Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God's deepening His life in me."

We are all hard-wired to have the ardor to seek for God, after all we are created after His own image. But our longing for God must move us to make the conscious decision to open our hearts to Him, and listen to His voice. He will not impose; He respects our free will, a gift which He has given to mankind. 

"The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for." (CCC § 27)

If we allow to have enough time for prayer daily, I believe that our omnipresent God, in His infinite goodness and love, will speak directly to each of us. Perhaps not in the same way that He spoke to the prophets of old, but the Lord who knows our thoughts and our hearts, definitely also knows best how to speak with us in the events of our daily lives, if we allow ourselves to be receptive to Him.

Another thing I did which helped me in my discernment is finding the time to attend recollections, and retreats. The solitude helped me in having heart-to-heart talks with God. Even now, I still attend talks and symposiums that deepen my understanding of the Faith. I have also been very choosy with the books I read now. I used to just leaf-through any book I get a hold on, no matter what it is about, all because of sheer curiosity. It was difficult at first, but these days I hunger for books that help enrich my Faith. A book that has become a favorite of mine is The Story of a Soul by Saint Therese of Lisieux. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, and The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena, are helpful books, too.

Be Not Afraid to Tell God Your Fears

Everything starts with small beginnings. But we have to take that first step, and do it with courage. I started mine by voicing to God what I was so afraid of. I told Him I knew what I wanted in my life but was unsure if it was for my best. I told Him all my dreams, and even consulted Him that these dreams were not what the people around me wanted for me; and that I sometimes felt caught in a dilemma between obeying them and doing what I want for my own life. I told Him I am too sinful, felt inadequate, and so unworthy. Initially I was hesitant to tell Him everything, including all my fears, my disappointments, what I most desire, and exactly what I was expecting from Him. Yes, I have been this open to telling God what I truly feel. With prayer, I eventually felt at ease telling Him what's in my heart. He knows everything anyway.

In a prayerful relationship with God, we are able to allow Him to speak to us through His Word, the Holy Bible. Reading about the lives of the saints, and other holy men and women, have helped me, too. He also uses the ordinary events of our lives to inspire us, and even sends people whose lives may stir in us a desire to serve Him concretely, or in a particular way, in His Church. More often than not, God uses the wisdom of other people to speak to us.

One such saint who has inspired me is Saint John Paul II. Having seen him up close at the World Youth Day in Manila, hearing him speak, and reading some of his works, has influenced me greatly. He often told the youth, "Be not afraid!"

"Ask yourselves, young people, about the love of Christ. Acknowledge His voice resounding in the temple of your heart. Return His bright and penetrating glance which opens the paths of your life to the horizons of the Church's mission. It is a taxing mission, today more than ever to teach men the truth about themselves, about their end, their destiny, and to show faithful souls the unspeakable riches of the love of Christ. Do not be afraid of the radicalness of His demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give Himself to you, as well as asking of you. If He asks much of you, it is because He knows you can give much." ~Saint John Paul II, The Meaning of Vocation.

In my Faith journey, one of the things that deeply took root in my soul, and which has been a source of great help and consolation, is my love and devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I am afraid, I run to Her. When I am confused, I beg Her to consult Her Son Jesus on my behalf. When I am in desperate need of something, I plead with Her to God to answer my prayers.

We have Mother Mary as our role model of humble surrender and total obedience to the will of God.  (Luke 1:26-38). Through her good counsel and powerful intercession, I believe that the answers to our prayers are expedited.  (John 2:1-12) That is of course, if it is in line with the will of God. But I am confident in Her guidance and love for me, and for all of us her children. "She is more Mother than Queen", said Saint Therese. And she truly is! 


Taking the Leap of Faith

What happens after we hear God speaking to us, and we are made to realize what He wants done through us? 

We ought to obey. We take a leap of faith.

I reached a crossroads in my life when I knew what I wanted in my life, and at the same time what God wanted for me. They were not exactly the same. 

I worked for an airline company for almost a decade. Then my job after that was with an IT company which provided travel software and technology solutions for the global travel industry. It paid well, and it had awesome perks. All those years, God had been gracious in helping me balance my rather hectic schedule. I served in parish ministries. I did a lot of volunteer work both in Church, and with socio-civic organizations. I traveled once or twice a year, sometimes even more, both here and abroad. It was not exactly a glamorous life, but I enjoyed God's countless blessings.

And then He called me. He spoke to me, from His heart to mine, and told me what He wanted me to be. I struggled. I doubted. I questioned Him several times. I laid all my uncertainties before Him. He was magnanimous and patient with me, as always. He gave me time. Finally, when I said yes, I knew even within myself that I was ready. He has made me firm in the Faith. 

The Lord, through Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Rose of Lima, among several other saints, has called me to be a Lay Dominican. So I decided to leave the corporate world, and chose to be a full time pastoral worker in Church.  It does not give me the same perquisites like my previous jobs, but it definitely gives me blessings beyond my expectations.


Reaffirmations and Reassurances

During the apostolic visit of Pope Francis in the Philippines last January 15-19, 2015, I have been so blessed to serve as a volunteer for the official Papal Visit PH media team. I was even chosen to be among those who flew to Tacloban during the pope's Mass there. And being with the youth ministry of the diocese, I was also among those present to listen to Lolo Kiko's message at the University of Santo Tomas.

The pope's message struck to the core, and I would not be shy in admitting that I was in tears upon hearing his words.

"Real love leads you to spend yourselves in love, to leave your pockets open and empty. Saint Francis died with his pockets empty, but with a very full heart. This isn't easy to understand: To learn how to beg. To learn how to receive with humility. To learn to be evangelized by the poor, those that we help, those infirm, orphans; they have so much to offer us... Do you know that you, too, are poor? Do you know your poverty and the need that you receive? Do you let yourselves be evangelized by those you serve? Let them give to you? And this is what helps you mature in your commitment to give to others, to learn how to offer out your hand, from your very own poverty..."

For Each Tree is Known By Its Own Fruit (Luke 6:44)

Discernment is a life-long process. Having already said yes to God does not mean I should stop regularly asking Him what to do, and where to go next. I don't want to sound too self-righteous, but it is important to also be aware if my decision to follow Him has borne good fruits. (Fruits, which I learned, do not necessarily mean something I would pick out for myself; but things that others would benefit most from.) 

I am God's "work in progress." I actually believe He needs to do major overhauls with me. But He teaches me loving-patience. (I still am sometimes too hard on myself!). The Lord has been infinitely patient and merciful to me. I ought to learn from my Greatest Master and Friend. 

My life with Christ has truly been a wonderful adventure, far greater than what I expected and wanted it to be. The world may find me foolish for leaving the world that promises me success, power and money, and for taking instead the radical path of service and love like what my Radical Master Jesus did; but I have no regrets. I am happy that I am perfectly where God wants me to be. 

          "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- 
               I took the one less traveled by,
              And that has made all the difference."

                                                    

"I-Thou" : The Experience of God's Mercy and Compassion

"The joy of the Gospel fills the hearts and lives of all who encounter Jesus. Those who accept His offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness and loneliness. With Christ, joy is constantly born anew." ~Pope Francis, Evangelii Gaudium

I have just gone back from Talisay City, Negros Occidental last Friday night after a conference on the New Evangelization and the Young, organized by Bukal ng Tipan CICM Maryshore. The heart of the talks during the conference was the Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium of the Holy Father, Pope Francis. I will be writing about that in another article, and will focus here on my experience during my five-day sojourn in the City of Smiles.

I have been busy at work during the past weeks prior to the trip, and I looked forward to be away from the hustle and bustle of city life. I needed fresh air, and I literally got that in Maryshore where every morning I woke up to a magnificent view of flowering perennial evergreen trees and the sea. And before our good nights, I was able to do what I loved doing as a child ~ look up and marvel at the constellations shining like myriad diamonds in the dark blue vastness of the evening sky. 

Blessed Mother Teresa was right. "We need to find God and He cannot be found in the noise and the restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how in nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We  need silence to be able to touch souls."

More than anything, I prayed to have an even deeper encounter with Jesus my Savior and Greatest Friend.

Breathtaking view at Maryshore!

One of the most meaningful moments during the conference was when we were asked to write down what we would like to become for the youth we serve and minister to. We were asked to pair with another participant. My partner in that activity said he will be fearless like a lion and a joyful animator. I wrote down I'd like to be a joyful, ready to listen companion and friend. When we got back to the big group, the person beside me said he'd be an I-Thou. He wants to be Jesus to every person he will meet.

For a short background, the "I and Thou" relationship is a form of existentialism proposed by Martin Buber, an Austrian-born Israeli Jewish philosopher. In his book, he said that human life finds its meaningfulness in relationships, which bring us ultimately in relationship with God who is the Eternal Thou. The essential character of the I-Thou is the abandonment of the world of sensation, the melting of the between, so that the relationship with another "I" is foremost.

An encounter with Jesus brings joy...
New friends: some participants of the NE Conference

That person, turned friend and big brother, told me that he was inspired by the Holy Spirit to strive to be the "Thou" ~ to be Jesus for others. As a part-time professor of Philosophy in one of the prestigious schools in his town, and having a bigger audience as a radio announcer, he commands respect and adulation from students and fans. It was noteworthy that he acknowledges that people need to see and experience God through him. Prior to that conversation in the big group, I got to be with him when we had an immersion to meet young sakadas (sugar plantation workers). It was, unbeknownst to him then, that God used him as an instrument to speak to me.

I'd digress a little. I have heard about the plight of the sakadas in the movies and telenovelas. Meeting real life sugar plantation workers in an hacienda moved me. Where did I find Jesus in that scorching, awe-inspiring place? In the workers themselves. 

Sakadas: Joven is on the right

We met some workers, Joven, a 17-year old young sakada, was one of them. He said he wakes up early every morning to begin harvesting the sugar canes. They have their lunch at noon until about two o'clock in the afternoon and resume to work right away. We asked if he still goes to school, and he said he cannot do so anymore. Like most young workers, Joven stopped studying and needed to work to help make both ends meet at home. His father and older brother work with him in the hacienda. But what struck me most about him is his happy disposition as he cut the the cane very close to the ground, but not too close to the root to avoid hindering regrowth. (I was told that the highest concentration of sucrose is on the base of the plant.) In spite of the risks to health due to the working conditions and the physical movement inherent to the task, Joven seemed to have found joy in what he does. He is after all, doing it for his family. For love... It really always boils down to love.

Highlight of every day: the celebration of the Holy Eucharist

I am a workaholic, sometimes to the point of being at the brink of a burnout. The physical exhaustion~ I can deal with easily. I just sleep. But to have the heart working harder? 

We have heard the proverbial phrase "you cannot give what you do not have." This I know to be very true. Often, I'd cry out to God like Blessed Mother Teresa probably did when she said "I know God won't give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish He did not trust me so much." 

Sometimes I feel I do not love enough, or that I have nothing left to give. Often I have to endure a broken heart ~ broken for the same reasons God's heart breaks: for that mentally-challenged woman in the streets who bore a child after being raped... For that full term baby being aborted... For that little boy begging alms so he can have a piece of bread... For that person who refused to accept His love and willfully chose to end his own life... Sometimes I get too overwhelmed when Jesus allows me to experience a tiny portion of his heartache as he hung on the Cross. I break down and cry...

There are times, too, when I feel that I am not doing enough for the Lord. I get into a crisis and ask myself if what I am doing is worthwhile. I wonder if I am able to impact a life; if I am able to inspire hope; if in all these things that keep me busy, I am pleasing God. I ask myself if I am able to make use of the time, talent and treasures He has given me, not for myself but for others. 

I am praying that somehow, I have been able to save a soul. Just one would be enough to make me overjoyed. But God uses me to plant the seed, He nurtures and does the rest. It is not my mission after all; it is the Lord's. I am only His instrument.

But even in my knowledge of God's unfathomable mercy and compassion for me, I felt confounded. There were days when I ask if my fight is still worth fighting for. I wondered if I am still on the right path ~ the path that God wants me to take. I really needed God to assure me not just in the silence of my heart. I needed someone to tell me that I must persevere because He has already won the battle for me.

The Lord looked past my failures and weaknesses and spoke to me with mercy and love. In his compassion, all the answers I wanted to hear, God told me loud and clear through the instrument He sent to deliver the message. 

My I-Thou re-encounter with Jesus who is my Merciful King and Good Shepherd gave me so much comfort and consolation. There is no question that because of His grace, I am able to remain firm in the Faith. But sometimes, when the heart gets too overwhelmed, especially when it is expected to give more and love more than is required, and to be strong so that others may live, it causes me to get momentarily bedazzled then groping in the dark. I was feeling like that, and I needed a physical encounter with my God that I may be filled with love to the brim in order that I may be emptied for others again. I hear Him in silence, but I longed to hear Him speak loving words to me. I needed Him to be my Emmanuel. 

As always, God is so magnanimous and overlooked my sinfulness. He gave me what I desired. He affirmed my mission through the messenger He sent to me. The Lord assured me that I need to persevere in fighting the good fight; that Faith and Love are worth fighting for, that my hope is always in Him who assured me of victory. 

The bonus blessing of the re-encounter with Jesus was gaining a grande fratello (big brother). Being the eldest, I have always been the big sister not just to my siblings, but also to most of my friends and the youth in the ministry. It felt reassuring to know that I can also be the "bunso" (youngest). Jesus after all is the firstborn over all Creation. (Rev 1:5, Col 1:15). It felt wonderful to be the sorella minore (little sister).

Mercy and compassion must move us to alleviate the sufferings of others, and leave them with a lasting and palpable joy. I encountered Jesus amidst the scathing afternoon sun. I found Him, my Lord and my God, in the presence and care of a friend.

Sainte Thérèse de Lisieux and Her Little Way

“Even now I know it: Yes, all my hopes will be fulfilled... Yes... The Lord will work wonders for me which will surpass infinitely my immeasurable desires”, Saint Therese de l'Enfant-Jesus once said.

I keep this in mind whenever I feel extremely exhausted and overwhelmed with temporal concerns. When the world makes me feel so small and unworthy, I remember that it is not in grand things that we can bring joy to the heart of God, but in doing the smallest things with great love.

And when I long for a much needed repose and solitude, I remember Saint Therese' words: "The world's thy ship and not thy home." It reminds me to always keep my focus on Jesus Christ, and that one day I shall be welcomed lovingly in my eternal home by my Eternal Father.

Pictures on display at the museum and inside the 

Basilique Sainte-Thérèse de Lisieux

Adorably precocious blue-eyed and blond Marie-Francoise-Therese Martin, my dear Saint Therese, was born on January 2, 1873, in Rue Saint-Blaise, Alencos, a quaint town in Normany, France. She was baptized two days later on January 4th. 

A painting of Saint Thérèse done by her sister, Céline
(displayed in one of the rooms of Les Buissonets)

Saint Marie-Azelie Guerin, a lace maker, and Saint Louis Martin, a jeweller and watchmaker, were the devout parents of La Petite Fleur (The Little Flower). They had nine children, but lost three infants and 5-and-a-half year old Helene. All five of their surviving daughters became nuns: Marie (Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart, of Lisieux, Carmel), Pauline (Mother Agnes of Jesus, Lisieux, Carmel), Leonie (Sister Francoise-Therese of the Visitandine at Caen), Celine (also a Carmelite in Lisieux, and was known as Sister Genevieve of the Holy Face), and finally, Saint Therese (Therese de l'Enfant et de la Sainte Face ~Therese of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face).

A family of Saints: Blessed Zélie, Blessed Louis,  
Saint Thérèse and her sisters 

Saint Zelie died of cancer at the age of 45, on August 28, 1877. Saint Therese wrote "Every detail of my mother's illness is still with me, specially her last weeks on earth." Three months after, Saint Louis moved his family from Alencon to Lisieux. They lived in Les Buissonets, a lovely spacious country house with a beautiful garden on the slope of a hill overlooking Lisieux.

22 Chemin des Buissonnets, 14100 Lisieux, France

Saint Therese was ofren sick and began to suffer from nervous tremors. She recovered after gazing at the statue of the Virgin Mary, Notre-Dame du Sourire; she reported that she saw the Blessed Virgin smile at her on May 13, 1883. "Mary's face radiated in kindness and love", she wrote in her autobiography, The Story of A Soul. "Our Blessed Lady has come to me, she has smiled upon me. How happy I am."

It was on Christmas Eve of 1886 that Saint Therese said she had her complete conversion. In her words, she said, "I felt, in a word, charity enter my heart, the need to forget myself to make others happy ~ Since this blessed night I was not defeated in any battle, but instead I went from victory to victory and began, so to speak, to run a giant's course."

A replica of Notre-Dame de Sourire (Our Lady of the Smile)
found in Saint Thérèse's room in Les Buissonnets

She started to read The Imitation of Christ at fourteen years old. For her, it was as if Thomas A Kempis wrote each sentence for her: "The Kingdom of God is within you... Turn thee with thy whole heart unto the Lord; and forsake this wretched world, and thy soul shall find rest."

One Sunday afternoon in May 1887, Saint Louis sat in their garden and was approached by his youngest daughter, Saint Therese, who asked permission that she be allowed to enter the Carmel monastery in Lisieux. Louis and Therese both broke down and cried, but Louis got up, gently picked a little white flower, root intact, and gave it to her, explaining the care with which God brought it into being and preserved it until that day. Saint Therese later wrote: "while I listened I believed I was hearing my own story." To Therese, the flower seemed a symbol of herself, destined to live in another soil."

The statue portrays Sainte Thérèse
asking her father to allow her to enter Carmel

To Therese, the flower seemed a symbol of herself, destined to live Saint Therese was welcomed into Carmel, Lisieux on the Solemnity of the Annunciation, on April 09, 1888. She received the Carmelite habit on January 10, 1889, and had her perpetual vows on September 08, 1890. Therese' names in religion were two ~ of he Child Jesus and of the Holy Face. The former was given to her at her entry into the convent; veneration of the Child Jesus was a Carmelite heritage of the seventeenth century. The latter was given to her when she received the veil, as she loved to contemplate on the disfigured face of Jesus during His Passion. In her reflections, she wrote, "I, too, wanted to be without comeliness and beauty... unknown to all creatures."

"Whoever is a little one, let him come to me." (Proverbs 9:4)

Saint Therese spent a discreet life as a Carmelite nun from September 1890 until her death. In her very short life of only 24 years, she realized and understood that it was only through littleness, simplicity, and humility, that she may approach God and ask for His help.

Inside the crypt of the Basilica of Saint Thérèse.
It is decorated with mosaics representing scenes of the saint's life.

"Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing." 

In the Little Way, Saint Therese reveals the simple truth of the message of Love. It is a way that seeks holiness of life in the everyday ordinariness of our existence. She reminds us that God, as our Father, always shows us mercy and forgiveness; and that we can never attain perfection alone without His grace. She teaches us that we express our Love to God when we humbly serve others ~ especially the least, the last, and the lost. "True charity consists in bearing with all the defects of our neighbor, in not being surprised at his failings, and in being edified by his least virtues; Charity must not remain shut up in the depths of the heart, for no man lighteth a candle and putteth it under a bushel, but upon a candlestick, that it may shine to all that are in the house. (Cf. St. Matthew 5:15). It seems to me that his candle represents the Charity which ought to enlighten and make joyful, not only those who are dearest to me, but all who are in the house."

(At the crypt) Sarah and Tobias : A lesson on prayer, fasting, filial piety, purity of marriage and the powerful intercession of angels!

Saint Therese inspires me: "On each fresh occasion of combat, when the enemy desires to challenge me, I conduct myself valiantly: knowing that to fight a duel is an unworthy act, I turn my back upon the adversary without ever looking him in the face; then I run to my Jesus, and tell Him I am ready to shed every drop of blood in testimony of my belief that there is a Heaven; I tell Him I am glad to be unable to contemplate, while on earth, with the eyes of the soul, the beautiful heaven that awaits me so he will deign to open it for eternity to poor unbelievers.

I make a conscious effort to pray that i may not commit grave sins. I choose to obey God's precepts even when convenience is often the easiest way to go. But I cannot do it alone. I rely on the strength of Christ, who conquered sin, and even death, for love of me.

Monastère du Carmel de Lisieux 

"Time is but a shadow, a dream: already God sees us in glory and takes joy in our eternal beatitude. How this thought helps my soul! I understand then why he lets us suffer..." 

This I remember when at the brink of despair and helplessness. If my dear Saint Therese was not spared from sufferings, she who lived a holy life, how much more for a sinner like myself still in the vale of tears. In Jesus my hope is found. And Saint Therese has been constantly present in my life ~ journeying with me, consoling me, reassuring me with roses, and this fulfilling her promise: "After my death, I will let a fall of roses. I will spend heaven doing good upon earth. I will raise up a mighty host of little saints. My mission is to make God loved..."

By the example of the Little Flower, I have been drawn to a deeper love of God through the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Interior of the Basilica in Lisiuex

Whenever I feel like I am not doing much to spread the Joy of the Gospels, I remember Saint Therese' mission while here on earth: "My vocation is Love", she declared.

I have embraced that vocation, too. It is not without trials and sufferings. I am imperfect and thus commit sin. I get easily irked; my patience always being tried. In my weakness I sometimes judge swiftly, even though only in my head.

"Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love." True love is expressed in the simplest yet purest ways.

"When one loves,one does not calculate." I have yet to reach that perfection in Love, but all is possible through Jesus Christ.

The wax statue of Sainte Thérese was fashioned after the saint at the moment of her death. Engraved along the top of the case are her words: Je veux passer mon ciel faire du bien sur la terre;
“I want to spend my Heaven doing good on earth.”

Rev. John F. Russell, O.Carm. of Seton Hall University, when speaking about the life of the Little Flower said, "In living out her life of faith she sensed that everything that she was able to accomplish came from a generous love of God in her life. She was convinced that at the end of her life she would go to God with empty hands. Why? Because all was accomplished in union with God.

Catholics and other Christians have been attracted to Saint Therese' style. Her little way seems to put holiness of life within the reach of ordinary people. Live out your days with confidence in God's love for you. Recognize that each day is a gift in which your life can make a difference by the way you choose to live it. Put hope in a future in which God will be all, and love will consume your spirit. Choose life, not the darkness of pettiness and greed. Saint Therese knew the difference love makes by allowing love to be the statement she made each day of her life."

A blessed second visit to the hometown of my beloved Saint in 2011!

Saint Therese de l'Enfant-Jesus, priez pour nous. Merci pour votre intercession! 

Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry

I have always believed that nothing happens to us in life unless God wills it so. Yes, we have our free will and we make our own choices, but it is with great conviction that I know our Loving Almighty Father always watches over us. “For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” (Psalm 91:11)

Today, on the feast of Saint Padre Pio, I reminisce and reflect on my visit to San Giovanni Rotondo in the summer of 2011. The experience left an indelible mark on my soul.

It was weeks after weeks after World Youth Day Madrid. I went on a pilgrimage to several religious sites, Lourdes and Lisieux among them, and was at the end of my European sojourn. I visited relatives in Milan, and instead of flying straight to Manila, I decided to pay Padre Pio a visit.  

Milano Centrale. Photo © en.wikipedia.org

I did a little research on how to go around Padre Pio’s town. I was scheduled to leave Milano Centrale on August 31st, a little past 11pm and was expected to arrive Foggia at around 7 in the morning the next day. My aunt prepared packed breakfast for me (chicken adobo and rice), and my cousin ensured I had enough supply of water and snacks till I reach Fiumicino (in Rome). My aunt was not totally in favor of me travelling alone to an unfamiliar town. I did not speak the language. And I did not know anyone in San Giovanni Rotondo. But I assured her that I wouldn’t be entirely alone ~ I have my guardian angel to protect me, and Padre Pio to pray for me. 

My bus ticket to San Giovanni Rotondo; 
and a souvenir calendar.

Inside the night train, I barely even had forty winks. I used the time to pray several decades of the rosary and process everything I had been learning in that particular trip. I was inside a cabin for 6, with all male passengers except myself. At day break, when everyone started to wake up from a peaceful slumber, the Italians took notice that I was l'unica donna (the only lady), and got me engaged in conversation thanks to a younger passenger beside me who spoke comprehensible English! They gave me tips for my solo pilgrimage, and asked that I include them in prayers, saying that God knows who they are, and what the desires of their hearts are. A reminder on the lesson on charity: to always pray for others.

I arrived at Foggia around 7:30 in the morning. I freshened up before going to the bus stop that would take me to San Giovanni Rotondo. It wouldn’t leave till 8:15am. The Sita bus ride, according to one of my train cabin mates, would be about an hour. On the way, I sat by the window side to take in the beauty of that Italian city. From a distance was the Gargano Mountains, where San Giovanni Rotondo is. It felt like I was going to burst with excitement. 

(L-R) Entrance to the old Church of 
Holy Mary of Grace and the sanctuary inside

The Chiesa delle Santa Marie della Grazie (Church of Holy Mary of Grace) is atop a hill. The old church was where Padre Pio used to celebrate the Holy Mass, but due to the increasing number of pilgrims each year, the Santuario de Padre Pio was built beside it. As I entered its wooden door, it felt like coming home. I always have this sense of being welcome every single time I enter a church. I can spend hours and hours inside, contemplating the immeasurable love of God for me and for mankind! What a lovely way to end my European trip ~ to be in the house of God, to spend time adoring Him, together with His Mother Mary and servant Padre Pio!

I cannot remember exactly how long I spent inside the church, praying for my loved ones, for my country, for the world, and for my personal intentions. I even had the time to put all my prayer intentions in writing and drop it in one of the prayer boxes inside. 

It felt like a taste of a piece of heaven here on earth just being there. I can only imagine what God’s kingdom would be like; I am certain it’s going to surpass my expectations!

(L) Main Altar inside the Santuario de Padre Pio; and (R) details

I have to specially note that I absolutely loved the statue of Our Lady of Grace! There was that mother-son intimacy in the way the Blessed Virgin and the baby Jesus was depicted. Mother Mary had a faint smile on her face, and sadness in her eyes, too. Oh such sorrow and anguish she must have felt, knowing how her precious Son would suffer and die on the Cross. Yet she surrendered to the will of God, and believed with trust, courage and love that echoed her fiat until the very end.

I visited the crypt just below the Santa Maria delle Grazie Church, where Padre Pio’s body used to lie. He had an unfulfilled wish ~ “When I die I wish to be buried underground, because I am a worm, a great sinner.” His body is now inside the golden crypt of the Padre Pio pilgrimage church. 40 years after his death on September 23, 1968, his remains were found incorruptible on March 02, 2008.

The statue of Santa Maria delle Grazie

Around noon, my stomach started to grumble. (I opted a granola bar and water for breakfast). I tried to walk around the vicinity of the church but did not find a shaded area where I can eat lunch. Still inside the old church, I saw a nun and politely asked her if she spoke English. She replied in Filipino, to my utter joy I almost hugged her! She took me to a café downhill from the shrine, where I willingly shared my food with her. 

Over lunch, she told me how she has been inspired by Padre Pio’s simplicity and love for God. Padre Pio was known to have been a man of prayer who prayed almost continuously. Bearing the stigmata, his health declined, and yet he offered his sufferings to God for the conversion of souls. Sr. Marlyn Castor of the Congregation of the Sisters of the Holy Spirit in Ulpiani,  also shared that Padre Pio’s witness of the Love of God was almost palpable because of his humility and total submission to the will of God. 

Padre Pio's confessional. 
He had the gift to "read hearts"

Padre Pio used to say, "Unite yourself to my prayers... Pray, pray to the Lord with me, because the whole world needs prayer. And every day, when your heart especially feels the loneliness of life, pray. Pray to the Lord, because even God needs our prayers." He also encouraged his parishioners to pray for souls; "We must empty Purgatory with our prayers", he said.

I enjoyed my conversation with Sr. Marlyn about life, faith and even love. I told her someday I want to return to San Giovanni Rotondo again. Next time, mainly to thank Padre Pio for interceding for me. She told me to "Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." Sr. Marlyn said, if it's meant to be, there is no way we can escape from God's will. I cannot even hide inside the belly of a whale!

Padre Pio Pilgrimage Church, 
dedicated on July 01, 2004.

Time and again, I have proven the power of prayer and the perfect timing of Divine Providence. God's generosity can never be outdone. And how amazing are His surprises, too! Sr. Marlyn was one of my earth angels that day. It was a wonderful blessing to have gained another precious friend. I also met some sisters from the Suore dell'Immacolata di Santa Chiara. I was spiritually refreshed and nourished and felt God’s love through the people He sent to me. 

What of my misadventures? Imagine going around a quaint Italian town pulling your 20-kilogram suitcase. Yup, I did just that. I won’t go through the details but I did learn from that experience, too.

Sr. Perpetua of Suore dell'Immacolata di Santa Chiara beside me,
and the Sr. Marlyn (in white habit).

What has Padre Pio taught me during my visit to his town?

In his words, “You must always humble yourself lovingly before God and before men, because God speaks only to those who are truly humble and He enriches them with His gifts. The Lord is willing to do great things, but on condition that we are truly humble.”

"Stairway to heaven." 
From the crypt of the new church 
going back to the old shrine.

“Don’t allow any sadness to dwell in your soul, for sadness prevents the Holy Spirit from acting freely. Live in such a way that your Heavenly Father may be proud of you, as he is proud of so many other chosen souls.”

A painting inside the Santuario de Padre Pio.
(Quotations added.)