True Love: On Waiting, Keeping It Real, and Everything in Between

Never stop dreaming.

"Do not lose the ability to dream... If you lose the capacity to dream, then you lose the capacity to love...

What is the most important subject you have to learn in life? To learn how to love; and this is the challenge that life offers you: To learn how to love..." 

These quotations from Pope Francis' messages when he visited the Philippines last January 15-19 this year, keep playing in my head like a song that I cannot shake off. Lolo Kiko's words remind me of what one of my granduncles told me who I visited when I recently went to my parents' hometown. 

My Lolo told me, in an almost poetic recitation: "Ang bayabas na lunot, matakpan man ng mga dahon, matutuklasan pa din ng ibong masigasig sa kanyang paghahanap." (I'd roughly translate it as : An overripe guava, though covered by leaves, shall be discovered by a persevering bird). 

I shared a good laugh with my Lolo. I laughed that he likened me to a ripened (or overripe) fruit. But in between our shared giggles, he has been very reassuring. Being often bombarded with the question "So, when will the wedding bells finally ring for you?", my Lolo has put things in perspective for me. I have to admit that he seems to be more hopeful for me than I am for myself. He has been consistent in telling me that I am going to be married to a... well, I'd leave those details as our little secret. (Heaven knows anyway, and that's what matters!) He accurately describes what I have always been consistently praying for. Of all the people who often asks me "when" it is finally going to be, I do not actually mind it if it is coming from this said grand uncle. Because he also always tells me that I should not rush what the Lord's plans are for me. He constantly reminds me that all things shall work out perfectly according to God's will. My Lolo always tells me whenever I get the chance to chat with him that I should never stop dreaming and hoping, because God shall grant the desires of my heart in His perfect time. 

It is always encouraging talking to him, instead of listening to people telling me that I am not getting any younger, that my biological clock is ticking, that it's terrible and sad to grow old alone, and so on and so forth. 

Not that I feel old and miserable. Some seem to have the notion that just because I am single, I am lonely and sulky. Others even have this ridiculous conclusion that I am so desperate to find a husband soon that I will do anything and everything to be able to change my title from Ms. to Mrs. Well, there goes my so called friends. Those who truly know me inside and out, and who unconditionally love me, know what I want, know that I will not stupidly (forgive my French) rush things, and that I will never compromise my values, especially my Faith.

I'd like to blame it on February. It is still the love month, after all. I have been lovingly, if not annoyingly, barraged again with the "marriage question" by concerned friends and relatives who seem to have no one else to ask but me. By this time actually, I already know those who are truly concerned and those who are about to give scornful utterances and start derisive heckling. I have learned to avoid the latter. 

So what can a single-Catholic woman do until Pure, True Love comes to find her?

Plenty. There's actually so much to do; personally I sometimes feel I need more than 24 hours in a day to do all of them.

Wanderlust has got me: Lisieux, Lourdes, London, Paris, Rome,
Chicago, Sydney, and the Vatican City are definitely places I will return to.

Discover Something New, and Do What You're Passionate About

Who said I am lonely again? Far from being discouraged that I have yet to be the wife of Mr. Loving-and-Tech-Savvy-Able-To-Take-Care-of-Me (who my Lolo always says has been born already, is somewhere in the other part of the world, but still needs a little bit more convincing  from God and our Lady that I actually exist), I am actually enjoying the time of my life now. One of the things that I enjoy doing as a single woman is travelling. Fifteen years ago, I wrote something about wanting to see the world. I have not actually been to all the seven continents yet, but I have taken the steps to do that. There are activities I wanted to do, and places I once dreamt of visiting, that I already crossed out from my bucket list. I have gotten out of my comfort zone, have conquered my fears, and have surpassed expectations of myself. Apart from the adventure and learning about other cultures, I discover the world in a way that I know I will not learn inside a classroom. Going places has opened my eyes, and has helped me develop skills I did not know I had. 

A recent awesome blessing: being a volunteer 
News writer/Blogger for the official 
Church Media team for the #PapalVisitPH

Besides being constantly bitten by the travel bug, I have also focused my time on what I am passionate about. I have always loved to be involved in the community, especially in Church ministries. In one of the boldest decisions I have had to make, (which may have turned me into a big fool in the eyes of others), I left the corporate world and am now a full time youth-pastoral worker in our diocese. It may not be as financially rewarding, but I have no regrets. Nothing compares to the joy I have in God whom I serve.

I love to volunteer. The very first time I actually did was way back in 5th grade. I assisted in a SPED class. I also volunteered then in a youth group in our neighborhood. Through the years, volunteering has always kept me busy, and in a good way. Thinking about it now, volunteering has helped increase my self-confidence. It gives me a natural sense of accomplishment. I think it may be one of the reasons I don't feel depressed. Being in regular contact with others, and exposing myself to people with common interests, has helped broaden my support network, and has definitely gained me new friends. And I think it has also helped me develop my social skills. (I remember being shy as a little girl!) Volunteering is my kind of a relaxing, energizing escape from the daily routine of work. It renews my motivation, even my creativity. Personally, I think helping others kindles happiness. 

I am Pro-Life to the core. (I have shared my story here, and shared some insights here.) If I could fix my schedule, I do my best to take part in pro-Life projects. One such activity was held last February 14th. I joined friends from other pro-Life movements in their campaign to counter the free-condom-giving activity of RH Bill supporters who endorse safe sex but not genuine love. 

Volunteers from MYA Cubao,
and recipients of the candy-giving activity

Pro-Lifers went around Manila, particularly in the University Belt, to promote pure Love, and the beautiful virtue of chastity. The theme of the activity was #WeKeepLoveReal. I have sought the help of volunteers from the Ministry of Youth Affairs of the Diocese of Cubao to participate in the "Stay-Pure" candy-giving. Repacking the candies was easy; but giving them away was a challenge. Some were reluctant to receive them even if the candies were free. Others gave a cold look of what seemed disbelief. There were even those who rejected the sweet treats. Some needed a few explanations as to why we were doing what we're doing before they accepted the pack of candies. While there were those who willingly and thankfully accepted them without any questions. 

One of the Cubao youth volunteers, in reflecting about the whole experience, said that the activity was like the search for one's true love. You get ignored, doubted, rejected, even brokenhearted several times, before the love God meant you to have comes along. And when it comes, it could only be the very best, and well, the sweetest that one could ever imagine. 

Perhaps you, too, have dreams you want to fulfill, or places you want to visit, or causes close to your heart that you want to get involved in. Be courageous and start ticking them off your list now while you haven't yet tied the knot!


Get to Know God More. Do Radical, Time-Consuming Things to Spread the Joy of the Gospel.

Yes, be a radical, and satisfied single person. 

Jesus' love for us is a radical kind~ a love that's unconditional, frees us from the bondage of sin and death, and brings back our dignities as children of God. To be radical means to go back to the basics, to what is truly essential; and to be in a real relationship with God and not with the world. Being radical means getting rid of our greed, self-righteousness, complacency, compromise, and relativism.

Being single actually has its own dangers. (Especially in unwanted singleness). Satan is after all of us, but I think the devil loves to taunt single people because it is an opportunity for him to discourage and deceive those like us who are single and are serving God and the Church.  One temptation of being single is living one's life according to one's desires. And I mean doing everything that the world tells us will give us satisfaction and happiness. Another temptation is to believe that marriage will meet our needs and solve our problems. It is not always true, as we may have heard from our married friends and family who seem to regret jumping into marriage unprepared. (Check out Saint Paul's advice on 1 Corinthians 7:1-11). 

I have to mention that discernment is vital in order to radically follow Jesus. We have to be willing to follow in His footsteps, because He will never force us into doing something that is against our will. That's just how much God loves us. He respects our decisions, and patiently waits for us to obey Him.

Speaking of discernment, I have come across people who seem to be afraid of doing it. There is the notion that once you discern, "search-in" particularly, you will end up in a convent or seminary. That is not always the case. Some are indeed called into the religious life. Most, into married life to have a family, while others, to be in the state of single-blessedness.  

Another radical thing I did in my life, besides leaving my high-paying job, was taking my Faith experience to the next level. I have been serving God and His people since my teenage years. (I have to mention that I am thankful to my mom for praying for my siblings and I to become active in Church. And for being very supportive, too.)  After several months of discerning, I have joined the Third Order of Saint Dominic, or the Lay Dominicans, under the Our Lady of La Naval Chapter in Santo Domingo Parish. It's been a year already; I need several years more before I become perpetually professed. It was not an easy decision. I wrestled with God, figuratively, about it. I struggled because of the knowledge of my own weaknesses, my fears, vulnerabilities, relentless pain, and exhaustion. And plus I had many other plans that I wanted accomplished! But He had a way with me. With the mercy of God, I eventually confronted those feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, failures, and everything that hurt me, my sins included. Only after I ceased struggling did I realize that I really cannot live life without God; I need Him so that I may receive the power of true conversion and transformation, the grace to be able to totally abandon myself to His will, and the gift to have endurance, faith, and courage.

Part of that long discernment process was knowing that God intended me for marriage. I have stopped asking Him when it is actually going to happen. I only know with certainty that it shall be as He wants it, in His kairos, and not according to my own timeline.

Even in our sinfulness, God our Father will only give the very best to His faithful children. I was told that if I could do all means possible to get to know a person I wish to be married to, why not double the effort as well in getting to know He who has planted all these wonderful dreams in my heart? 

So while I wait, I believe that it is important to spend time to satisfy one's soul, and to first learn what true love really is from Him who is Love Himself. We love because God loved us first. Only when we really know what Love, and what He intended the holy sacrament of matrimony to be, can it be possible to have a loving marital relationship.


Become the Spouse You Want to Marry

It is easier said than done, but I do my best to use my time being single as an opportunity to become the kind of person I would want to marry. It is a good time to assess my strengths and weaknesses, and to take active steps so that I can improve myself. It is also a great time to nurture the gifts God has blessed me with. 

Part of the waiting period is staying chaste. Some people mockingly tell me that I am missing out a lot in life because I am still a virgin. People have different views about their sexuality. I value mine the way my Father in heaven values me; He is my King and therefore I am His princess. I won't settle for anyone less than who He has specially prepared for me. Waiting till marriage for sex does not mean I will put my life on hold. As I have said, there are many beneficial things to do that can help make a better version of myself, as well as not endanger my soul. 

The only time I will have a sexual relationship is when I and my future husband have first brought God into it through the sacrament of holy matrimony. I will not have anything less. I believe that that is the only way copulation will bring true, lasting joy in a man-woman relationship. I remember reading from a book long ago that sex should be free, total, faithful, and fruitful. I want that! My husband and I shall give ourselves freely to each other, unselfishly, unconditionally, without coercion nor price tag. We shall give of ourselves completely to each other, holding nothing back. We shall be loyal and true to each other, and shall only have each other as long as we both live. And of course, we shall both be open to life, and will not do anything to render the act infertile. 

Volunteering, and Keeping Love Real by
Spreading the Joy and Love of God to everyone.

I know I need to be realistic, too. I may be a virgin still, but I cannot really expect the same thing for my future husband. (I hope I am wrong that virgin men are rare these days!) I am not perfect myself. So I am leaving a big room in my heart to love him by accepting that he, too, like me, has weaknesses and shortcomings.  I am pretty sure my love for him shall be stronger that I shall look past his mistakes. 

The goal is to become a woman after God's own heart; and it involves not just my own might, but more the mercy and grace of God which makes the impossible possible. It is my prayer , too, that my future husband shall be one who is also passionate about following Jesus, and desires to be a man after His Heart as well.

I may sound too idealistic, but as God's daughter, I just cannot compromise my values. The ultimate dream (and blessing) is to have a marriage that has a Christ-centered intimacy. I want a marriage that is modeled on Trinitarian Love.  Jesus has shown us that real love is pure, and is willing to lay down one's life for the beloved. That's the kind of love I want to share with my future husband. Ultimately, I want a marriage that will make saints of our future children, and one that shall bring us all to heaven. 

Ask God great things. What else could He not give; He gave us His only Begotten Son! God who is our Loving Father is able to do far more abundantly (and infinitely) beyond all that we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)


Set the World on Fire.

One of the many Saints who has been instrumental in my discernment was Saint Catherine of Siena. (I later learned that she is the patroness of Lay Dominicans!) Her advice during her time still applies to us all even now: "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." 

I believe that true love waits. (Originally, it means sexual abstinence outside of marriage). For me, it also means patiently waiting for the one true love that God has specially prepared just for me. While I wait for him, I shall do what I ought to do ~ according to what God has created me for:  to be His hands, His feet, even His voice, so that the world may know that His mercy and love endures forever. Borrowing from another patroness, Saint Therese of Lisieux, "my vocation is Love."

I entrust the ribbon of my life to the loving hands of my Sweetest Mother Mary, who unties all the knots in it; and to Saint Joseph, my dearest patron.

Here's to dreaming big dreams, and setting the world ablaze!