Litany of Humility

We are all guilty of pride. Here's a prayer which a missionary friend of mine gave to me before she left for her new mission assignment. It is a beautiful prayer that we may use...

Litany of Humility

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930)

Secretary of State for Pope Pius X

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...

From the desire of being extolled...

From the desire of being honored...

From the desire of being praised...

From the desire of being preferred to others...

From the desire of being consulted...

From the desire of being approved...

From the fear of being humiliated...

From the fear of being despised...

From the fear of suffering rebukes...

From the fear of being calumniated...

From the fear of being forgotten...

From the fear of being ridiculed...

From the fear of being wronged...

From the fear of being suspected...

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it...

That others may be esteemed more than I...

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease...

That others may be chosen and I set aside...

That others may be praised and I unnoticed...

That others may be preferred to me in everything...

That others may become holier than I, 

provided that I may become as holy as I should...

Almighty Father, give me the humility which realizes its ignorance, admits its mistakes, recognizes its needs, welcomes advice and accepts rebukes. Help me always to praise rather than criticize, to encourage rather than to disparage, to build rather than to destroy, and to think of people at their best rather than at their worst. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

"I-Thou" : The Experience of God's Mercy and Compassion

"The joy of the Gospel fills the hearts and lives of all who encounter Jesus. Those who accept His offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness and loneliness. With Christ, joy is constantly born anew." ~Pope Francis, Evangelii Gaudium

I have just gone back from Talisay City, Negros Occidental last Friday night after a conference on the New Evangelization and the Young, organized by Bukal ng Tipan CICM Maryshore. The heart of the talks during the conference was the Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium of the Holy Father, Pope Francis. I will be writing about that in another article, and will focus here on my experience during my five-day sojourn in the City of Smiles.

I have been busy at work during the past weeks prior to the trip, and I looked forward to be away from the hustle and bustle of city life. I needed fresh air, and I literally got that in Maryshore where every morning I woke up to a magnificent view of flowering perennial evergreen trees and the sea. And before our good nights, I was able to do what I loved doing as a child ~ look up and marvel at the constellations shining like myriad diamonds in the dark blue vastness of the evening sky. 

Blessed Mother Teresa was right. "We need to find God and He cannot be found in the noise and the restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how in nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We  need silence to be able to touch souls."

More than anything, I prayed to have an even deeper encounter with Jesus my Savior and Greatest Friend.

Breathtaking view at Maryshore!

One of the most meaningful moments during the conference was when we were asked to write down what we would like to become for the youth we serve and minister to. We were asked to pair with another participant. My partner in that activity said he will be fearless like a lion and a joyful animator. I wrote down I'd like to be a joyful, ready to listen companion and friend. When we got back to the big group, the person beside me said he'd be an I-Thou. He wants to be Jesus to every person he will meet.

For a short background, the "I and Thou" relationship is a form of existentialism proposed by Martin Buber, an Austrian-born Israeli Jewish philosopher. In his book, he said that human life finds its meaningfulness in relationships, which bring us ultimately in relationship with God who is the Eternal Thou. The essential character of the I-Thou is the abandonment of the world of sensation, the melting of the between, so that the relationship with another "I" is foremost.

An encounter with Jesus brings joy...
New friends: some participants of the NE Conference

That person, turned friend and big brother, told me that he was inspired by the Holy Spirit to strive to be the "Thou" ~ to be Jesus for others. As a part-time professor of Philosophy in one of the prestigious schools in his town, and having a bigger audience as a radio announcer, he commands respect and adulation from students and fans. It was noteworthy that he acknowledges that people need to see and experience God through him. Prior to that conversation in the big group, I got to be with him when we had an immersion to meet young sakadas (sugar plantation workers). It was, unbeknownst to him then, that God used him as an instrument to speak to me.

I'd digress a little. I have heard about the plight of the sakadas in the movies and telenovelas. Meeting real life sugar plantation workers in an hacienda moved me. Where did I find Jesus in that scorching, awe-inspiring place? In the workers themselves. 

Sakadas: Joven is on the right

We met some workers, Joven, a 17-year old young sakada, was one of them. He said he wakes up early every morning to begin harvesting the sugar canes. They have their lunch at noon until about two o'clock in the afternoon and resume to work right away. We asked if he still goes to school, and he said he cannot do so anymore. Like most young workers, Joven stopped studying and needed to work to help make both ends meet at home. His father and older brother work with him in the hacienda. But what struck me most about him is his happy disposition as he cut the the cane very close to the ground, but not too close to the root to avoid hindering regrowth. (I was told that the highest concentration of sucrose is on the base of the plant.) In spite of the risks to health due to the working conditions and the physical movement inherent to the task, Joven seemed to have found joy in what he does. He is after all, doing it for his family. For love... It really always boils down to love.

Highlight of every day: the celebration of the Holy Eucharist

I am a workaholic, sometimes to the point of being at the brink of a burnout. The physical exhaustion~ I can deal with easily. I just sleep. But to have the heart working harder? 

We have heard the proverbial phrase "you cannot give what you do not have." This I know to be very true. Often, I'd cry out to God like Blessed Mother Teresa probably did when she said "I know God won't give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish He did not trust me so much." 

Sometimes I feel I do not love enough, or that I have nothing left to give. Often I have to endure a broken heart ~ broken for the same reasons God's heart breaks: for that mentally-challenged woman in the streets who bore a child after being raped... For that full term baby being aborted... For that little boy begging alms so he can have a piece of bread... For that person who refused to accept His love and willfully chose to end his own life... Sometimes I get too overwhelmed when Jesus allows me to experience a tiny portion of his heartache as he hung on the Cross. I break down and cry...

There are times, too, when I feel that I am not doing enough for the Lord. I get into a crisis and ask myself if what I am doing is worthwhile. I wonder if I am able to impact a life; if I am able to inspire hope; if in all these things that keep me busy, I am pleasing God. I ask myself if I am able to make use of the time, talent and treasures He has given me, not for myself but for others. 

I am praying that somehow, I have been able to save a soul. Just one would be enough to make me overjoyed. But God uses me to plant the seed, He nurtures and does the rest. It is not my mission after all; it is the Lord's. I am only His instrument.

But even in my knowledge of God's unfathomable mercy and compassion for me, I felt confounded. There were days when I ask if my fight is still worth fighting for. I wondered if I am still on the right path ~ the path that God wants me to take. I really needed God to assure me not just in the silence of my heart. I needed someone to tell me that I must persevere because He has already won the battle for me.

The Lord looked past my failures and weaknesses and spoke to me with mercy and love. In his compassion, all the answers I wanted to hear, God told me loud and clear through the instrument He sent to deliver the message. 

My I-Thou re-encounter with Jesus who is my Merciful King and Good Shepherd gave me so much comfort and consolation. There is no question that because of His grace, I am able to remain firm in the Faith. But sometimes, when the heart gets too overwhelmed, especially when it is expected to give more and love more than is required, and to be strong so that others may live, it causes me to get momentarily bedazzled then groping in the dark. I was feeling like that, and I needed a physical encounter with my God that I may be filled with love to the brim in order that I may be emptied for others again. I hear Him in silence, but I longed to hear Him speak loving words to me. I needed Him to be my Emmanuel. 

As always, God is so magnanimous and overlooked my sinfulness. He gave me what I desired. He affirmed my mission through the messenger He sent to me. The Lord assured me that I need to persevere in fighting the good fight; that Faith and Love are worth fighting for, that my hope is always in Him who assured me of victory. 

The bonus blessing of the re-encounter with Jesus was gaining a grande fratello (big brother). Being the eldest, I have always been the big sister not just to my siblings, but also to most of my friends and the youth in the ministry. It felt reassuring to know that I can also be the "bunso" (youngest). Jesus after all is the firstborn over all Creation. (Rev 1:5, Col 1:15). It felt wonderful to be the sorella minore (little sister).

Mercy and compassion must move us to alleviate the sufferings of others, and leave them with a lasting and palpable joy. I encountered Jesus amidst the scathing afternoon sun. I found Him, my Lord and my God, in the presence and care of a friend.

"Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum"

I love to quote Saint John Paul II when he said that "In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences."

Just recently, I met a religious sister who told me to always remember my first yes to God, as I will find in it the resolve and the strength to persevere in fighting the good fight till the very end, especially in times of trials and struggles.

God has required my "yeses" so many times. At first I would resist a bit, but then I could not just find it in my heart to say no to Him.

The most pivotal of all those yeses happened more than two years ago. I spent Holy Week for the first time in the United States and spent Good Friday in Chicago. I sorely missed the Philippines then, because here, I get to observe the holy in the Semana Santa where we have the Pabasa, the Visita Iglesia, among other pious practices that we have.

I had to do with whatever service the Church in the US had. Good Friday is not even a holiday there. I ached knowing that if one day God will allow me to live there, I will not be having days of observance of the Church's holiest days. 

On that Good Friday in 2012, I was at the Holy Name Cathedral of Chicago, and contemplated on the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Redeemer. In the middle of the Liturgy and before the Veneration of the Cross, I heard the Spirit of God whisper to my heart, "I love you and Am able to give all that you ask. Are you willing to follow Me and carry the cross I shall give you?"

I had many fears and was aware of my own weaknesses. But I answered, "Yes, Lord, here i am. i will follow You."

Inside my head He showed me all that I have been praying for and all that He can give me. I knew that He shall be giving them to me in His time and not in mine.

Our omnipresent God whispered again, "I love you my child. You know that with Me all things are possible, and that even in the blink of an eye, I can give you all that you pray for and desire. But are you willing to wait for My perfect time? Do you trust Me fully? Are you willing to offer sacrifices, carry your cross and suffer for the salvation of others, while you await the fulfillment of My promises to you?"

How do you answer when the Lord asks you these questions?

With resignation in my heart and tears in my eyes, i answered, "Yes Lord, here i am. Make my heart meek and humble. Make my heart like unto Thine."

In my mind I saw women silently crying and being pushed by their circumstances to commit abortion. I saw children being forced to work while their parents neglect them. I saw young people succumb in immorality, vices and addiction. I couldn't help but cry. And I knew God wanted me to cooperate with His will and be one of His instruments to help allay fear and pain in the world.

It was overwhelming. I knew it entailed responsibility and the offering of my entire self. I shook in fear and uncertainty. I felt so unworthy to be called. I felt I was too shattered myself I cannot do much for those who are also suffering.

Finally, the Lord once again reassured me, "I love you, and I can do everything for you and give you that which you most desire..." At that point, I cried uncontrollably. I have this litany of prayers I have been begging the Lord to give me. But serving in Church ministries for a long time, I knew about patiently waiting for God's kairos. The Lord went on to ask me, "Are you willing to wait, carry your cross, commit your life to Me, and trust in My perfect will?"

In my heart of hearts, I borrowed my Sweetest Mother and Queen's reply, "Ecce ancilla Domini. Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum." Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to Thy Word.

I look back today to that fateful day of my yes to God. I look back with happiness and tears of joy where it has taken me in my Faith journey.

Pope Francis reminds me, and all of us, that we are His people on a journey. "When we set out on a journey, when we are on a path, we always discover new things, things which we did not know... Life is a journey toward the fullness of Jesus Christ."

"God is a God of surprises..." (Pope Francis)

There is peace in obedience to the will of God. There is joy in pain (pain of waiting most especially!) But God surprises me with His goodness and mercy! He is never outdone in His generosity and love for me... 

Oh what a journey it has been!