"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? Do you get what you're hoping for, when you look behind you there's no open door? What are you hoping for? Do you know?This song was the last I heard before I got off my stop on my commute going home today. It has ear-wormed its way into my head. Usually I would get annoyed when a song, especially one that I do not particularly like, gets stuck in my mind for a while. But this one reminded me of a pivotal moment in my life which made me choose a different road, instead of the original I had planned to take. (I wrote about that life-changing experience here.)
I believe that in God's great design of the entire Creation, He has made each person for a specific purpose ~ a mission that only that individual, and no one else, can accomplish.
As a little girl, I remember learning in catechism classes that my choices must be aligned with God's will. I also learned to pray, "Dear Lord, may Your will be done in my life!" I did not understand the seriousness and depth of those words then, but I prayed them anyway. Another vivid memory I have was wondering if the heavens would open, and God's thundering voice shall be audibly heard speaking to me so that I will know just what to do.
But it does not happen that way. How then do we know where God wants us to go? How do we know what the will of God is in our lives?
Spend Time to have a Prayerful Discernment
The Catechism for Filipino Catholics says, "To discern God's action in our daily lives demands a spiritual sensitivity that comes only from authentic Christian prayer and worship. This means that our personal prayer is grounded in God's revelation in Scripture and the Church's living Tradition. Only then are we sure to worship 'in Spirit and in Truth.'"In one retreat I attended a few years ago, I learned that discernment involves making a decision that gives utmost priority to the will of God in our lives. It is not simply choosing between two or more options. It is going for the best out of other good choices.
Saint Ignatius of Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises said, "Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God's deepening His life in me."We are all hard-wired to have the ardor to seek for God, after all we are created after His own image. But our longing for God must move us to make the conscious decision to open our hearts to Him, and listen to His voice. He will not impose; He respects our free will, a gift which He has given to mankind.
"The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for." (CCC § 27)If we allow to have enough time for prayer daily, I believe that our omnipresent God, in His infinite goodness and love, will speak directly to each of us. Perhaps not in the same way that He spoke to the prophets of old, but the Lord who knows our thoughts and our hearts, definitely also knows best how to speak with us in the events of our daily lives, if we allow ourselves to be receptive to Him.
Another thing I did which helped me in my discernment is finding the time to attend recollections, and retreats. The solitude helped me in having heart-to-heart talks with God. Even now, I still attend talks and symposiums that deepen my understanding of the Faith. I have also been very choosy with the books I read now. I used to just leaf-through any book I get a hold on, no matter what it is about, all because of sheer curiosity. It was difficult at first, but these days I hunger for books that help enrich my Faith. A book that has become a favorite of mine is The Story of a Soul by Saint Therese of Lisieux. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, and The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena, are helpful books, too.
Be Not Afraid to Tell God Your Fears
In a prayerful relationship with God, we are able to allow Him to speak to us through His Word, the Holy Bible. Reading about the lives of the saints, and other holy men and women, have helped me, too. He also uses the ordinary events of our lives to inspire us, and even sends people whose lives may stir in us a desire to serve Him concretely, or in a particular way, in His Church. More often than not, God uses the wisdom of other people to speak to us.
One such saint who has inspired me is Saint John Paul II. Having seen him up close at the World Youth Day in Manila, hearing him speak, and reading some of his works, has influenced me greatly. He often told the youth, "Be not afraid!"
"Ask yourselves, young people, about the love of Christ. Acknowledge His voice resounding in the temple of your heart. Return His bright and penetrating glance which opens the paths of your life to the horizons of the Church's mission. It is a taxing mission, today more than ever to teach men the truth about themselves, about their end, their destiny, and to show faithful souls the unspeakable riches of the love of Christ. Do not be afraid of the radicalness of His demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give Himself to you, as well as asking of you. If He asks much of you, it is because He knows you can give much." ~Saint John Paul II, The Meaning of Vocation.In my Faith journey, one of the things that deeply took root in my soul, and which has been a source of great help and consolation, is my love and devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I am afraid, I run to Her. When I am confused, I beg Her to consult Her Son Jesus on my behalf. When I am in desperate need of something, I plead with Her to God to answer my prayers.
We have Mother Mary as our role model of humble surrender and total obedience to the will of God. (Luke 1:26-38). Through her good counsel and powerful intercession, I believe that the answers to our prayers are expedited. (John 2:1-12) That is of course, if it is in line with the will of God. But I am confident in Her guidance and love for me, and for all of us her children. "She is more Mother than Queen", said Saint Therese. And she truly is!
Taking the Leap of Faith
We ought to obey. We take a leap of faith.
I reached a crossroads in my life when I knew what I wanted in my life, and at the same time what God wanted for me. They were not exactly the same.
I worked for an airline company for almost a decade. Then my job after that was with an IT company which provided travel software and technology solutions for the global travel industry. It paid well, and it had awesome perks. All those years, God had been gracious in helping me balance my rather hectic schedule. I served in parish ministries. I did a lot of volunteer work both in Church, and with socio-civic organizations. I traveled once or twice a year, sometimes even more, both here and abroad. It was not exactly a glamorous life, but I enjoyed God's countless blessings.
And then He called me. He spoke to me, from His heart to mine, and told me what He wanted me to be. I struggled. I doubted. I questioned Him several times. I laid all my uncertainties before Him. He was magnanimous and patient with me, as always. He gave me time. Finally, when I said yes, I knew even within myself that I was ready. He has made me firm in the Faith.
The Lord, through Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Rose of Lima, among several other saints, has called me to be a Lay Dominican. So I decided to leave the corporate world, and chose to be a full time pastoral worker in Church. It does not give me the same perquisites like my previous jobs, but it definitely gives me blessings beyond my expectations.
Reaffirmations and Reassurances
During the apostolic visit of Pope Francis in the Philippines last January 15-19, 2015, I have been so blessed to serve as a volunteer for the official Papal Visit PH media team. I was even chosen to be among those who flew to Tacloban during the pope's Mass there. And being with the youth ministry of the diocese, I was also among those present to listen to Lolo Kiko's message at the University of Santo Tomas.
The pope's message struck to the core, and I would not be shy in admitting that I was in tears upon hearing his words.
"Real love leads you to spend yourselves in love, to leave your pockets open and empty. Saint Francis died with his pockets empty, but with a very full heart. This isn't easy to understand: To learn how to beg. To learn how to receive with humility. To learn to be evangelized by the poor, those that we help, those infirm, orphans; they have so much to offer us... Do you know that you, too, are poor? Do you know your poverty and the need that you receive? Do you let yourselves be evangelized by those you serve? Let them give to you? And this is what helps you mature in your commitment to give to others, to learn how to offer out your hand, from your very own poverty..."
For Each Tree is Known By Its Own Fruit (Luke 6:44)
Discernment is a life-long process. Having already said yes to God does not mean I should stop regularly asking Him what to do, and where to go next. I don't want to sound too self-righteous, but it is important to also be aware if my decision to follow Him has borne good fruits. (Fruits, which I learned, do not necessarily mean something I would pick out for myself; but things that others would benefit most from.)
I am God's "work in progress." I actually believe He needs to do major overhauls with me. But He teaches me loving-patience. (I still am sometimes too hard on myself!). The Lord has been infinitely patient and merciful to me. I ought to learn from my Greatest Master and Friend.
My life with Christ has truly been a wonderful adventure, far greater than what I expected and wanted it to be. The world may find me foolish for leaving the world that promises me success, power and money, and for taking instead the radical path of service and love like what my Radical Master Jesus did; but I have no regrets. I am happy that I am perfectly where God wants me to be.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
