Swim Against the Tide

My daily commute to work is, at most times, uneventful. Often I'd take the one-tricycle, one-jeepney ride to go to New York, Cubao (my stop), and then walk about a minute or so to get to the Obispado. (It's been a joke among friends that I'm a New Yorker, only that I work near New York Street in Quezon City. The streets around the office are names after some North American cities, like Chicago, Vancouver, Seattle, Maryland, Denver, among others.)

This morning I took an FX from Rotonda. (An FX is a term used for non-metered taxis, named after the 1986 Toyota Tamaraw FX model of multi-purpose vehicles.) I sat at the back, where it was comfortable. Beside me was a woman probably in her 50s. Across from me were two young male students. In the middle seat were three more young men, and a woman. In front, beside the driver, were two women who wore uniforms I recognized as from a bank. The male passengers, based on their conversation that the rest of us could not help but overhear, are students of a university that we'll pass along the route to Cubao.

True Love: On Waiting, Keeping It Real, and Everything in Between

Never stop dreaming.

"Do not lose the ability to dream... If you lose the capacity to dream, then you lose the capacity to love...

What is the most important subject you have to learn in life? To learn how to love; and this is the challenge that life offers you: To learn how to love..." 

These quotations from Pope Francis' messages when he visited the Philippines last January 15-19 this year, keep playing in my head like a song that I cannot shake off. Lolo Kiko's words remind me of what one of my granduncles told me who I visited when I recently went to my parents' hometown. 

My Lolo told me, in an almost poetic recitation: "Ang bayabas na lunot, matakpan man ng mga dahon, matutuklasan pa din ng ibong masigasig sa kanyang paghahanap." (I'd roughly translate it as : An overripe guava, though covered by leaves, shall be discovered by a persevering bird). 

I shared a good laugh with my Lolo. I laughed that he likened me to a ripened (or overripe) fruit. But in between our shared giggles, he has been very reassuring. Being often bombarded with the question "So, when will the wedding bells finally ring for you?", my Lolo has put things in perspective for me. I have to admit that he seems to be more hopeful for me than I am for myself. He has been consistent in telling me that I am going to be married to a... well, I'd leave those details as our little secret. (Heaven knows anyway, and that's what matters!) He accurately describes what I have always been consistently praying for. Of all the people who often asks me "when" it is finally going to be, I do not actually mind it if it is coming from this said grand uncle. Because he also always tells me that I should not rush what the Lord's plans are for me. He constantly reminds me that all things shall work out perfectly according to God's will. My Lolo always tells me whenever I get the chance to chat with him that I should never stop dreaming and hoping, because God shall grant the desires of my heart in His perfect time. 

It is always encouraging talking to him, instead of listening to people telling me that I am not getting any younger, that my biological clock is ticking, that it's terrible and sad to grow old alone, and so on and so forth. 

Not that I feel old and miserable. Some seem to have the notion that just because I am single, I am lonely and sulky. Others even have this ridiculous conclusion that I am so desperate to find a husband soon that I will do anything and everything to be able to change my title from Ms. to Mrs. Well, there goes my so called friends. Those who truly know me inside and out, and who unconditionally love me, know what I want, know that I will not stupidly (forgive my French) rush things, and that I will never compromise my values, especially my Faith.

I'd like to blame it on February. It is still the love month, after all. I have been lovingly, if not annoyingly, barraged again with the "marriage question" by concerned friends and relatives who seem to have no one else to ask but me. By this time actually, I already know those who are truly concerned and those who are about to give scornful utterances and start derisive heckling. I have learned to avoid the latter. 

So what can a single-Catholic woman do until Pure, True Love comes to find her?

Plenty. There's actually so much to do; personally I sometimes feel I need more than 24 hours in a day to do all of them.

Wanderlust has got me: Lisieux, Lourdes, London, Paris, Rome,
Chicago, Sydney, and the Vatican City are definitely places I will return to.

Discover Something New, and Do What You're Passionate About

Who said I am lonely again? Far from being discouraged that I have yet to be the wife of Mr. Loving-and-Tech-Savvy-Able-To-Take-Care-of-Me (who my Lolo always says has been born already, is somewhere in the other part of the world, but still needs a little bit more convincing  from God and our Lady that I actually exist), I am actually enjoying the time of my life now. One of the things that I enjoy doing as a single woman is travelling. Fifteen years ago, I wrote something about wanting to see the world. I have not actually been to all the seven continents yet, but I have taken the steps to do that. There are activities I wanted to do, and places I once dreamt of visiting, that I already crossed out from my bucket list. I have gotten out of my comfort zone, have conquered my fears, and have surpassed expectations of myself. Apart from the adventure and learning about other cultures, I discover the world in a way that I know I will not learn inside a classroom. Going places has opened my eyes, and has helped me develop skills I did not know I had. 

A recent awesome blessing: being a volunteer 
News writer/Blogger for the official 
Church Media team for the #PapalVisitPH

Besides being constantly bitten by the travel bug, I have also focused my time on what I am passionate about. I have always loved to be involved in the community, especially in Church ministries. In one of the boldest decisions I have had to make, (which may have turned me into a big fool in the eyes of others), I left the corporate world and am now a full time youth-pastoral worker in our diocese. It may not be as financially rewarding, but I have no regrets. Nothing compares to the joy I have in God whom I serve.

I love to volunteer. The very first time I actually did was way back in 5th grade. I assisted in a SPED class. I also volunteered then in a youth group in our neighborhood. Through the years, volunteering has always kept me busy, and in a good way. Thinking about it now, volunteering has helped increase my self-confidence. It gives me a natural sense of accomplishment. I think it may be one of the reasons I don't feel depressed. Being in regular contact with others, and exposing myself to people with common interests, has helped broaden my support network, and has definitely gained me new friends. And I think it has also helped me develop my social skills. (I remember being shy as a little girl!) Volunteering is my kind of a relaxing, energizing escape from the daily routine of work. It renews my motivation, even my creativity. Personally, I think helping others kindles happiness. 

I am Pro-Life to the core. (I have shared my story here, and shared some insights here.) If I could fix my schedule, I do my best to take part in pro-Life projects. One such activity was held last February 14th. I joined friends from other pro-Life movements in their campaign to counter the free-condom-giving activity of RH Bill supporters who endorse safe sex but not genuine love. 

Volunteers from MYA Cubao,
and recipients of the candy-giving activity

Pro-Lifers went around Manila, particularly in the University Belt, to promote pure Love, and the beautiful virtue of chastity. The theme of the activity was #WeKeepLoveReal. I have sought the help of volunteers from the Ministry of Youth Affairs of the Diocese of Cubao to participate in the "Stay-Pure" candy-giving. Repacking the candies was easy; but giving them away was a challenge. Some were reluctant to receive them even if the candies were free. Others gave a cold look of what seemed disbelief. There were even those who rejected the sweet treats. Some needed a few explanations as to why we were doing what we're doing before they accepted the pack of candies. While there were those who willingly and thankfully accepted them without any questions. 

One of the Cubao youth volunteers, in reflecting about the whole experience, said that the activity was like the search for one's true love. You get ignored, doubted, rejected, even brokenhearted several times, before the love God meant you to have comes along. And when it comes, it could only be the very best, and well, the sweetest that one could ever imagine. 

Perhaps you, too, have dreams you want to fulfill, or places you want to visit, or causes close to your heart that you want to get involved in. Be courageous and start ticking them off your list now while you haven't yet tied the knot!


Get to Know God More. Do Radical, Time-Consuming Things to Spread the Joy of the Gospel.

Yes, be a radical, and satisfied single person. 

Jesus' love for us is a radical kind~ a love that's unconditional, frees us from the bondage of sin and death, and brings back our dignities as children of God. To be radical means to go back to the basics, to what is truly essential; and to be in a real relationship with God and not with the world. Being radical means getting rid of our greed, self-righteousness, complacency, compromise, and relativism.

Being single actually has its own dangers. (Especially in unwanted singleness). Satan is after all of us, but I think the devil loves to taunt single people because it is an opportunity for him to discourage and deceive those like us who are single and are serving God and the Church.  One temptation of being single is living one's life according to one's desires. And I mean doing everything that the world tells us will give us satisfaction and happiness. Another temptation is to believe that marriage will meet our needs and solve our problems. It is not always true, as we may have heard from our married friends and family who seem to regret jumping into marriage unprepared. (Check out Saint Paul's advice on 1 Corinthians 7:1-11). 

I have to mention that discernment is vital in order to radically follow Jesus. We have to be willing to follow in His footsteps, because He will never force us into doing something that is against our will. That's just how much God loves us. He respects our decisions, and patiently waits for us to obey Him.

Speaking of discernment, I have come across people who seem to be afraid of doing it. There is the notion that once you discern, "search-in" particularly, you will end up in a convent or seminary. That is not always the case. Some are indeed called into the religious life. Most, into married life to have a family, while others, to be in the state of single-blessedness.  

Another radical thing I did in my life, besides leaving my high-paying job, was taking my Faith experience to the next level. I have been serving God and His people since my teenage years. (I have to mention that I am thankful to my mom for praying for my siblings and I to become active in Church. And for being very supportive, too.)  After several months of discerning, I have joined the Third Order of Saint Dominic, or the Lay Dominicans, under the Our Lady of La Naval Chapter in Santo Domingo Parish. It's been a year already; I need several years more before I become perpetually professed. It was not an easy decision. I wrestled with God, figuratively, about it. I struggled because of the knowledge of my own weaknesses, my fears, vulnerabilities, relentless pain, and exhaustion. And plus I had many other plans that I wanted accomplished! But He had a way with me. With the mercy of God, I eventually confronted those feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, failures, and everything that hurt me, my sins included. Only after I ceased struggling did I realize that I really cannot live life without God; I need Him so that I may receive the power of true conversion and transformation, the grace to be able to totally abandon myself to His will, and the gift to have endurance, faith, and courage.

Part of that long discernment process was knowing that God intended me for marriage. I have stopped asking Him when it is actually going to happen. I only know with certainty that it shall be as He wants it, in His kairos, and not according to my own timeline.

Even in our sinfulness, God our Father will only give the very best to His faithful children. I was told that if I could do all means possible to get to know a person I wish to be married to, why not double the effort as well in getting to know He who has planted all these wonderful dreams in my heart? 

So while I wait, I believe that it is important to spend time to satisfy one's soul, and to first learn what true love really is from Him who is Love Himself. We love because God loved us first. Only when we really know what Love, and what He intended the holy sacrament of matrimony to be, can it be possible to have a loving marital relationship.


Become the Spouse You Want to Marry

It is easier said than done, but I do my best to use my time being single as an opportunity to become the kind of person I would want to marry. It is a good time to assess my strengths and weaknesses, and to take active steps so that I can improve myself. It is also a great time to nurture the gifts God has blessed me with. 

Part of the waiting period is staying chaste. Some people mockingly tell me that I am missing out a lot in life because I am still a virgin. People have different views about their sexuality. I value mine the way my Father in heaven values me; He is my King and therefore I am His princess. I won't settle for anyone less than who He has specially prepared for me. Waiting till marriage for sex does not mean I will put my life on hold. As I have said, there are many beneficial things to do that can help make a better version of myself, as well as not endanger my soul. 

The only time I will have a sexual relationship is when I and my future husband have first brought God into it through the sacrament of holy matrimony. I will not have anything less. I believe that that is the only way copulation will bring true, lasting joy in a man-woman relationship. I remember reading from a book long ago that sex should be free, total, faithful, and fruitful. I want that! My husband and I shall give ourselves freely to each other, unselfishly, unconditionally, without coercion nor price tag. We shall give of ourselves completely to each other, holding nothing back. We shall be loyal and true to each other, and shall only have each other as long as we both live. And of course, we shall both be open to life, and will not do anything to render the act infertile. 

Volunteering, and Keeping Love Real by
Spreading the Joy and Love of God to everyone.

I know I need to be realistic, too. I may be a virgin still, but I cannot really expect the same thing for my future husband. (I hope I am wrong that virgin men are rare these days!) I am not perfect myself. So I am leaving a big room in my heart to love him by accepting that he, too, like me, has weaknesses and shortcomings.  I am pretty sure my love for him shall be stronger that I shall look past his mistakes. 

The goal is to become a woman after God's own heart; and it involves not just my own might, but more the mercy and grace of God which makes the impossible possible. It is my prayer , too, that my future husband shall be one who is also passionate about following Jesus, and desires to be a man after His Heart as well.

I may sound too idealistic, but as God's daughter, I just cannot compromise my values. The ultimate dream (and blessing) is to have a marriage that has a Christ-centered intimacy. I want a marriage that is modeled on Trinitarian Love.  Jesus has shown us that real love is pure, and is willing to lay down one's life for the beloved. That's the kind of love I want to share with my future husband. Ultimately, I want a marriage that will make saints of our future children, and one that shall bring us all to heaven. 

Ask God great things. What else could He not give; He gave us His only Begotten Son! God who is our Loving Father is able to do far more abundantly (and infinitely) beyond all that we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)


Set the World on Fire.

One of the many Saints who has been instrumental in my discernment was Saint Catherine of Siena. (I later learned that she is the patroness of Lay Dominicans!) Her advice during her time still applies to us all even now: "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." 

I believe that true love waits. (Originally, it means sexual abstinence outside of marriage). For me, it also means patiently waiting for the one true love that God has specially prepared just for me. While I wait for him, I shall do what I ought to do ~ according to what God has created me for:  to be His hands, His feet, even His voice, so that the world may know that His mercy and love endures forever. Borrowing from another patroness, Saint Therese of Lisieux, "my vocation is Love."

I entrust the ribbon of my life to the loving hands of my Sweetest Mother Mary, who unties all the knots in it; and to Saint Joseph, my dearest patron.

Here's to dreaming big dreams, and setting the world ablaze!

Saying "I Do"

(Note: This was written a decade ago; and I came across it while going through some files...) 

For the nth time, I’ve received an invitation that I shall take part in the wedding ceremony of a friend. This time I won’t be part of the entourage; instead I’ll be a lector during the mass and an emcee at the reception. I felt relieved. I need a break from always being the bridesmaid and never the bride.

So what’s the fuss about this talk of exchanging vows and tying the knot? For someone who’s just a few years short of being thirty and has been a member of  “Virgin Anonymous” and “No Boyfriend since Birth”, I ought to entertain the thought. Well, it has not been easy meeting my prince who’d sweep me off my feet. (Are we even in the same time zone, I wonder?) Where has all those legitimate bachelors gone? That’s probably another story. A friend told me that men are like buses and I need to get on the right one. Have I been waiting in vain at the wrong curb that I already missed it?

 I don’t want to sound too worried because truth is, I’m in no hurry to change my status yet. I still have several older friends who don’t show the slightest concern that they’re still single. They enjoy the freedom of doing what they want, nurturing their talents and spending their hard earned money for self-improvement and also for helping their families and others.  I choose to do that as well now.

We have different priorities and different ideas of the things that would make us fulfilled and happy. Has it not occurred to you that you might end up forever single (I am exaggerating) and spend cold nights alone with no one to look after you when you‘re gray and weak? I have to admit, I wish for marital bliss myself. But finding THE one is not just about physical attraction and perfect chemistry. There’s more to committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life than just  companionship, partnership and having children.

I have been pondering ~ I know we have the gift to choose. Isn't it choice that makes us higher than animals? Reason allows us to think before we act, to consider the consequences of our actions and not just follow our primitive instincts. It is choice that has brought us to the job we have, even the relationship we have put ourselves into. Making the right choice then saves us from life-long regrets and heartaches. I just could not bring myself to settle for anyone just to be able to say I am already spoken for.

One more thing, I’m not a late twenty-something-Venusian whose emotions are stone cold that it’s been impossible to get near those Martians.  I have a circle of male friends, and honestly, it’s really just that. I know, and I am sure, that no romance is ever going to blossom. 

I was quite surprised that one of these male friends has told me that he thinks the reason I do not have a boyfriend is because I value chastity and purity. To say it bluntly, I am not in favor of premarital sex.

 I am no saint. I have found myself on “dangerous grounds”, too; and everytime I do, I cling on to the values instilled upon me by my family; and I can proudly say, by educators/mentors in the Catholic schools I attended. I have to admit that it’s a lot easier to be a very bad girl than to be a good one. I definitely won’t pass as a naiveté. But I often joke around and say I’m more afraid of heaven opening up and an apparition will be right before me, caught in the act of “doing it”, than be fearful of the greater possibility of getting myself pregnant and be disowned by my family. In all seriousness, the grace of God allows me to bravely choose to be chaste. It really takes a strong will to do that which pleases God; and a lot of prayers to be firm in the decision to be good.

I know it is possible to love someone so much that you’re going to be willing to give and sacrifice everything to be with that person. But I have learned that I should never allow the mindless heart to rule me more than my head. It’s always painful to listen to the voices of reason more than to the heart. After all, the brain and the heart stand up and fight for different things. I was advised that if the dignity of what’s going to happen in the end outweighs the pain I’ll go through by choosing what is “right” now, then I’d rather heed what my cerebrum dictates because I’m better off intact.

I don’t want to justify my 'singlehood' since birth and the fact that I don’t have wedding plans so soon. But I hope I was able to get my point across. Choosing a lifetime partner needs more than having the right feeling. It takes nurturing, openness, sharing, maturity, and for making that vow, careful planning and real responsibility. Call me a hopeless romantic, but in my mind I have envisioned that perfect day.

In the meantime, I pray for a man after God’s own heart who first and foremost passes the qualifications my Heavenly Father has set for the husband He wants for me. I believe that somewhere out there is the man God has already blessed to be my other half; one with whom I am going to share pure, selfless love with.

People close to me sometimes tease me (almost mockingly) that I shall end up a spinster. Some say that I may end up in a convent. Only God knows. As a Roman Catholic, I am open to that option. I go where the Holy Spirit leads. I obey and follow when God calls. I’m going to cross the bridge when I get there! If marriage is meant for me, then I’d have my perfect moment. When the time comes, at least I’m sure to really savour every minute of it. Real love is supposed to take away all sorts of fear, and I definitely prefer to have that. (1 John 4:18)

In the meantime, I have not closed my doors. My best friend says my soul mate is already out there somewhere in the distant shores, and is just like me, waiting for the right and perfect time. God’s perfect time! As one song goes, love moves in mysterious ways, and so I just have to let it run its course. My heart will know when it has finally found its home.

I am excited at the thought that together, we shall decide on every bit of detail for our sacred union ~ our solemn vows, the wedding planner, the church, our Santacruzan-long entourage and so on. I’d love to make the decision with my partner and make more important ones for both of us together, for he’s going to be as prepared as I am to take on greater responsibilities.

By then, too, I would be able to wholeheartedly say, I do!

            

WANTED: God-loving, God-fearing, Saint-Joseph-like, Pro-Life, Devout Catholic Bachelor

(Originally published in the CBCP Monitor  Vol. 18 No. 13, on June 23- July 06, 2014.)

The above title suddenly hit me and there was this strong yearning to post it somewhere. In the classified ads, perhaps? But nah, I am not that desperate! I won’t, even in my nightmares, do it. Besides, I believe in God’s perfect timing. I believe that my God is able to give me my heart’s desires in His time and in His way. I firmly believe, even when I am often being challenged by “concerned” people around me who insist that I hurry because my biological clock is ticking. But they are another story. So I reckon, why not just write about it, and after the final punctuation mark, I’ll go from there.

Then again, this is a plea that definitely bombards Heaven daily. My fervent plea. Oh my countless patron Saints will attest to this I am sure!

How many times have Saint Thérèse of Lisieux sent me roses in affirmation that God hears my prayers? I cannot even count anymore. On her feast day in 2011, I remember how Saint Anne “visited” me in Marytown1 and assured me that she and her Blessed daughter Mary pray for me all the time! In my dreams, Saint Justin has visited me and given me the “kiss of Truth”, instructing me what I must do now while I wait for God’s gift for me ~ him whom the lily blossoms for! Saint Francis often whispers to me, reminding me to love with all my soul. Saint Ignatius adds that I love without counting the cost! And I can imagine Padre Pio shaking his head with his sweet grandfatherly smile, reassuring me that that it is a done deal, and is already being taken care of by my King and Father, Almighty God Himself. Now that puts things in perspective!

I believe there are still a few good gentlemen out there. They may be a rare breed already, but I have hope in humanity; in the male specie for that matter. Call me too old-fashioned, but I know chivalry still exists even in this day and age where relativism and sin has become an acceptable way of life. God has created everyone innately beautiful and good. I have faith that there exists a wonderful man whom God has chosen specially just for me.

Before I continue on and start raising other people’s eyebrows, I’d like to be honest and admit that I am a miserable sinner myself who is in constant need of Jesus Christ my Redeemer. I am no saint definitely. Those who really know me inside and out know what I am capable of. Yes, even the bad things that I am capable of but choose not to do! There is always this strong desire all with God’s grace, that allows me to choose to be good, to strive to grow in virtues, and to eventually become a woman after God’s own heart. Oh the countless times I have failed God but His grace and love prevails! It really is always just a choice! I always challenge myself to live my name ~ God’s madonnina!

Friends and acquaintances would most probably describe me as religious. I do my very best to be a witness to my Catholic-CHRISTian Faith, but that does not mean I never fall short of God’s expectations of me. I know my sins. I am a sinner who is very much in need of His unfailing love and forgiveness. God draws me to Himself, and it has been my own daily “fiat” to surrender and run to Him in all the circumstances of my life.  I am far from perfect that is why I constantly need His infinite mercy. We all need to start somewhere. I choose every moment to follow Him Who is my Beginning and my End. I choose to take the baby steps and obey Him!

So why write about all these now? 

Someone very close to me is getting married. Amidst the preparations, a friend joked and said I should make sure to catch the bouquet. Another made a comment that now I am the only one left without a wedding band on my finger.

I have been constantly told that I have such high standards when it comes to a man~ that is why I am still unmarried. Oh how it stings every time I am told that I expect too much from men as if I am perfect! Who said I am Ms. Perfect? I never claimed to be one. But I believe that I can ask God for anything and be very specific about my prayer requests; and that includes helping me to become a woman pleasing to Him first and foremost, and giving me a husband who is a man after His own heart too.  

Why limit what I can ask God when He can give me anything that always surpasses my imagination and expectations?

I have met good men. I have met jerks. (Pardon my French.) The thing with the few good men I have met, they’re off limits. And with those jerks, I’d rather not go through why they are that bad, but they sure will break their parents’ hearts. Oooh if only I can borrow King David’s slingshot and give them a good hit on the head enough to make them turn into gentlemen! But there is hope I know. There is always hope. And on that note, I am certain that there is one for me out there who also knows my existence. He shall come tear down the walls of my tower when I least expect it. He shall do so, in God’s perfect time; because there is no escaping God’s will for us!

I have gone through discernment. I have checked out several religious congregations. I have gone to several soul-searching trips to figure out what God is calling me to do. I have tried to condition myself to the idea of living a monastic life. I was willing to go out of my comfort zone and serve the poorest of the poor. I was leaning towards being humbly garbed in a religious habit, living somewhere out there in a foreign land on a mission to set the world on fire for the glory of God’s kingdom. That did not happen. Yes, God called me to serve Him still; but as a lay person, and not as a religious. Not as a nun, as others would actually want me do, while jeering among themselves at the prospect that I am going to grow old alone and lonely in a distant convent and miss out on life. I have to mention that; because some people have such a distorted understanding of doing one’s vocation. They are another story too.   

I was reluctant at first to heed His call for me. I was pretty much content living my life exploring the world. But God had His way; and He made sure I got the message and follow through with what He wants for me. He is my Father and my King; and I am His daughter. God only wants what a daughter of a King rightfully deserves!

In retrospect, one of the things I am always very grateful to God about is not tying the knot early. I have had a proposal or two. Back then, I had these reasons I’d describe now as superficial. When I was younger, I told myself I’d only get married for the sake of love, have children, have my own family, and grow old with my husband in our loving home. I still have these reasons in mind for marriage, but then there’s more. Thank God that He made me realize and understand why He instituted the holy sacrament of matrimony!

My Almighty Father in Heaven has made it crystal clear to me: He has called me for married life. And it’s not just the kind of marriage for the sake of being able to tell relatives, friends and colleagues that I am the wife of Mr. Tech-Savvy-Able-To-Take-Care-of-Me-and-Our-Family, and the mother of our adorable twins. It is not enough that I am able to proudly say my status is finally Married and not Single.

God has called me for a mission: to reflect Holy Trinitarian love within my married and family life, to radiate “caritas” to the world for God's greater glory, and to share pure agape love with my husband the way that our Mother Church submissively surrenders to the love of Jesus Christ Her Bridegroom, and with the Holy Family of Nazareth as our Model.

Now that’s truly a tough act to follow! The gravity of this mission is easier said (or written) than done! It still overwhelms me, and scares me sometimes!

To quote the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament." (CCC 1601)2

“The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of marriage." The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator…  "The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life.” God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.'" (CCC 1603, 1604)2

So what about the above-mentioned qualifications in the title of this article?

I pray for such a man because I need him to fully embrace married life in the same surrender to God and the same understanding that I have of the sanctity of matrimony. I need him to understand that our oneness shall require many sacrifices, and each other’s unconditional love willing to even lay our lives for each other and our future children. I need such a man who shall embrace the sacred mission of family life. I need a man who accepts with all his heart the importance of fighting the good fight together and ensuring that we, with the children God will bless our union with, shall all go to heaven. 

I want my future husband and I to raise future saints! Because I know my weaknesses, I need a strong, just man to journey with me in our family life. 

When then, will Mr. God-loving, God-fearing, Saint-Joseph-like, Pro-Life, Devout Catholic Bachelor finally come to sweep me off my feet? 

All in God's impeccable timing! 

While I pray and wait for him, I am going to do the things that the Lord wants me to do for Him.  With joyful anticipation shall I allow God to work in our lives and surprise us both. I am certain that our Eternal Father is preparing him for me, as God is preparing me for him, too. He is out there I am very sure.  And probably by sheer serendipity, he shall be reading this! 

Impossible? Everything is possible for one who believes! Jesus said it so Himself, “With man it is impossible. But will God all things are possible.” (St.Matthew 19:26)

Supplemental reading:

1 MARYTOWN
http://www.marytown.com/
2 THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY 
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm
SAINT JUSTIN MARTYR
http://www.catholicfaithandreason.org/st-justin-the-martyr-105-165-ad.html

Saint Joseph: Advocate Of The Family For Whom The Lily Blossomed

Today, the Universal Church celebrates the Solemnity of Saint Joseph, the husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the Guardian of the Redeemer. 

We know Saint Joseph not only as the foster father of Jesus, but also as the epitome of a perfect husband, and as our "model worker". He is known to be a "tekton" ((τέκτων). The word has been traditionally translated into English as "carpenter", but is a rather general word (from the same root that gives us "technical" and "technology") that could cover makers of objects in various materials, even builders.²

We have never read anything in the Bible about Saint Joseph ever uttering even a single word. His silence tells a lot about his humility and total surrender to the will of God. We know him only through the Gospel accounts, particularly in Saint Matthew and Saint Luke.

Saint Joseph was instructed in his dreams, before and after the birth and early years of Jesus. We have heard of the story when he was told to take the Virgin Mary as his wife (Mt. 1:20-21); when he had to take his family and flee to Egypt during the massacre of the Holy Innocents (Mt 2:13); and when it was already safe to bring his family back to Israel (Mt 2:19). After the finding of Jesus at the temple, the Bible became silent about him. Tradition holds that during the years of Jesus' ministry, Mary was already a widow. We are all too familiar with the pictures and statues of Saint Joseph holding the Baby Jesus in his arms.

But have you ever wondered why Saint Joseph is holding a lily as well? The Lilium candidum, known also as the Madonna lily, is one of the symbols of our Lady. Song of Songs 2:1 says, "I am the Rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys."

Saint Joseph holding a lily reminds us that his spouse was the spotless Virgin Mary. There is also an interesting story about how Saint Joseph was chosen as the spouse of the Mother of Christ.

When the Blessed Virgin Mary, who was serving in the Temple of the Lord, reached twelve years old, a council of the priests was held. The priests asked among themselves, "What then shall we do with her, lest perchance she defile the sanctuary of the Lord?" And they said to the high priest" "You stand by the altar of the Lord; go in, and pray concerning her; and whatever the Lord shall manifest unto you, that also we will do." And the high priest went in, taking the robe with the twelve bells into the holy of holies; and he prayed concerning her. And behold an angel of the Lord stood by him, saying unto him: "Zacharias, Zacharias, go out and assemble the widowers of the people, and let them bring each his rod; and to whomsoever the Lord show a sign, his wife shall she be." 

The heralds went out through the circuit of Judea, and the trumpet of the Lord sounded, and all ran. And Joseph, throwing away his axe, went out to meet them; and when they had assembled, they went away to the high priest, taking with them their rods. And he, taking the rods of all of them, entered into the temple, and prayed; and having ended his prayer, he took the rods and came out, and gave them to them: but there was no sign in them. Joseph took his rod last; and behold, a dove came out of the rod, and flew upon Joseph's head. (In another account, Saint Joseph's rod alone bursted into lilies, thus identifying him as Divinely chosen). The priest said to Joseph, "You have been chosen by lot to take into your keeping the virgin of the Lord." And so "Joseph did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took his wife". (Mt 124)²

In the Apostolic Exhortation "Redemptoris Custos" (Guardian of the Redeemer), Saint John Paul II said that "the Son of Mary is also Joseph's Son by virtue of the marriage bond that unites them. Joseph and Mary are the summit from which holiness spreads all over the earth. The Savior began the work of salvation by this virginal and holy union, wherein is manifested his all-powerful will to purify and sanctify the family ~ that sanctuary of love and cradle of life.” ³

Saint John Paul II "positions Saint Joseph as breaking the old vice of paternal familial domination, and suggests him as the model of a loving father. He stressed that the Church has implored the protection of Saint Joseph on the basis of 'that sacred bond of charity which united him to the Immaculate Virgin Mother of God,' and that the Church has commended to Joseph all of her cares, including those dangers which threaten the human family.” ³

Saint Joseph, with his example of simplicity, shows us the "mature way of serving and of taking part in the plan of salvation." His life teaches us that in our own lives, the obedience of Faith is necessary when we commit ourselves to the will of God. He could have really just sent the Virgin Mary away quietly. He could have said no to God, but he didn't. Instead, he dedicated his life for the protection of his wife and "his son" and ensured that they were well taken care of. His love and faithfulness to Jesus and Mary, and his generosity and dedication for the welfare of his family, is an example all husbands and fathers must desire to imitate. Although we know little about Saint Joseph, he has demonstrated how to live a life of faithfulness, patience, persistence, and hard work ~ admirable qualities which all Christians should adopt. 


In catechism, we learned that the family is the domestic church (Ecclesia domestica). Jesus, Mother Mary and Saint Joseph teaches us that we have to make a total gift of self, life and work for the good of the entire family; and to humbly serve each other in pure agape love. The love and unity of Mary and Joseph in their married life must be a reflection of  God's love for humanity; and the Love of Jesus for His bride the Church: a love that desires only the good of the other; a love willing to lay down one's life for the  beloved... 

The family ~ our families, must mirror Holy Trinitarian Love: the Father and the son united as One with the Spirit Who is Love. "The role of the family is specified by Love. It is the family's mission to guard, reveal and communicate love.” ³

Saint Joseph was declared to be the patron saint and protector of the Catholic Church by Pope Pius IX in 1870. Pope John XXIII added the name of Joseph to the Canon of the Mass. On May 01, 2013, the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments under the authority of Pope Francis added Saint Joseph's name to the main Eucharistic Prayers of the Mass.⁴

He is the patron saint of a number of cities, regions and countries, among them the Americas, Canada, China, Mexico, Korea, Austria, Belgium, Peru, Vietnam and the Philippines; as well as of families, fathers, expectant mothers, travelers, immigrants, house sellers and buyers, craftsmen, engineers, and working people in general. Having died in the "arms of Jesus and Mary" according to Catholic Tradition, he is considered the model of the pious believer who receives grace at the moment of death.

The 19 March Feast is a Solemnity (First class if using the Tridentine calendar), and is transferred to another date if impeded. (If 19March falls on a Sunday or in Holy Week, The feast of Saint Joseph as patron and model of workers is celebrated on May 01.)

Memorare of Saint Joseph:

Remember, most pure spouse of Mary, ever Virgin, my loving protector, Saint Joseph, that no one ever had recourse to your protection or asked for your aid without obtaining relief. Confiding, therefore, in your goodness, I come before you and humbly implore you. Despise not my petitions, foster-father of the Redeemer, but graciously receive them. Amen.

---------------------

For further reading, you can check out the following:

¹ Saint Joseph: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Joseph

² The Birth of Mary Mother of Jesus: http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0847.htm)

³ REDEMPTORIS CUSTOS 
by Saint John Paul II on the Person & Mission of St. Joseph: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_15081989_redemptoris-custos_en.html

⁴ Decree Regarding the Mention of Saint Joseph’s name in the Eucharistic Prayers:

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/ccdds/documents/rc_con_ccdds_doc_20130501_san-giuseppe_en.html

        For Novena prayers to Saint Joseph:

       1.    http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/novena/joseph.htm

       2.    http://stjoe4u2.tripod.com/id5.html

       3.    https://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=3167