Of Paints and Brushes, and Musings on Christmas

I am in the middle of finishing several painting projects, and have been using watercolor paints again. I have not used them in a while, because I need to allot enough time to let the paint dry before I apply the other layers. 

Time, sadly for me, has become a luxury quite difficult to afford. I do my best to manage my schedule ~ to have time for family and friends, the apostolates closest to my heart, and yes, even for my hobbies. (Writing personal thoughts has lately taken a back seat, but then again, I try to squeeze it in!)

So today, while contemplating a particular painting I am working on ~ my own rendition of "Beloved Dominican Saints" which was originally painted by Bernadette Carstensen, I thought of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, who was a painter, too. (She is one of my favorite saints, and remains one of my most powerful intercessors in heaven who have always been a constant companion in in my faith journey.)

I am merely God's paint-brush.

In her autobiography "Story of a Soul", Saint Thérèse likened herself to a brush which Jesus uses in making His masterpieces:

If a piece of canvas painted upon by an artist could think and speak, it certainly would not complain at being constantly touched and retouched by the brush, and would not envy the lot of that instrument, for it would realize it was not to the brush but to the artist using it that it owed the beauty with which it was clothed. The brush would not be able to boast of the masterpiece produced with it, as it knows that artists are not at a loss; they play with difficulties, and are pleased to choose at times weak and defective instruments.

I am a little brush which Jesus has chosen in order to paint His own image in the souls entrusted to my care. An artist does not use only one brush, but needs at least two: the first is the more useful and with it he applies the general tins and covers the canvas entirely in a very short time; the other, the smaller one, he uses for details.

Break my heart, Lord.

I remember being told very early to be careful with not only what I wish for, but especially with what I pray for, because I really just might get what I am asking from the Lord!

As I work on several paintings, I remember a prayer, a song that keeps playing on repeat in my head. It has become sort of like a personal anthem during the times I was discerning what to do next in my life. That was about six years ago, and there is a line from that song that made me tear up every single time I listened to it, or attempted to sing it. It still moves me to tears even now:

Heal my heart and make it clean; Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause, as I walk from earth into eternity...

For years this has been like a life-song albeit only for a certain stage in my life. But it stuck with me, and looking back, it has dawned on me that this particular prayer of mine has been answered. 

My heart is terribly aching for the many things that I am sure would break God's heart ~ and  most of the time I feel too weak and vulnerable to be keeping a shattered heart inside my chest. Then again, it gives me so much consolation that my "direct line" with God in prayer is always open and available!

Painting and praising even in my brokenness.

Ah, the tempests that rage in my life, and the billows that toss me around!! I would not have survived and still remain here if it were not for God's grace. I thank God for days like today that I get to reflect and deal with my heartaches. Admittedly, some parts of my paintings literally include tears! 

God made the world beautiful, but we have marred it with our selfishness and greed. Somehow, when I paint, I am able to look at Beauty that I otherwise would usually not notice, what with the daily preoccupations of my every day existence. With brush in hand, I am able to contemplate how masterfully and thoughtfully God created each of us; that every detail in Creation was, and is done in Love.

It's two days before Christmas, and there's a sense of longing, and emptiness that need to be filled. Out in the streets, I see chaos in the snail's pace traffic. The Christmas lights have become too blindingly bright that people seem to be unable to focus on the real Light. The Christmas carols that I so love to sing as a child are reduced to noise, compared to that one sweet sound I so long to hear ~ His voice. 

Christmas is a joyful season; I cannot help but also think about why He was born in the first place. The sadness echoes because I know He came that He may die for me. His birth brings hope and promise, and the certainty that there is salvation for us all.

If the myriad pieces of my broken heart were not enclosed, they would probably have already scattered all over. There is joy in celebrating the season, but this early, I cannot help but ponder about Bethlehem and Calvary at the same time. I am exhausted and broken, and yet, in my brokenness, He comes to me as a child, and He makes my heart whole again.

I am glad I can resort to my paints and paint brushes. All is God's grace that I am able to turn the mind to the good. The pigments and the canvasses are a big help in keeping my focus on Him who is the reason for the season.  Oh the hope that is experienced through the heart by the power of His unconditional love and grace! 

What a truly amazing gift we all receive at Christmas ~ Jesus Himself! 

Prayer for a Peaceful Sleep

Have you ever experienced sleeping for eight straight hours and yet wake up feeling like you have not slept and rested at all?

Below is a prayer I read from aleteia.org:

Watchers In The Night by Thomas Blackshear 

God in heaven, O Creator,
O One who loved me into being…

Now that the voices are silenced
and the crowded world of projects
and overwhelming noise is hushed,
here, at my bed, I seek Your consolation.

My spirit roots for You, as an infant seeks out the breast,
seeks you as a child seeks the succor 
and embrace of a father —
the parent who will whisper, “Shh, I am with you,”
and bring solace to the soul with an unconditional love.

I believe in Your love, and I hope in You,
and I pray You will grace me with the gift of faith, unfailing,
the gift of wisdom, beyond my instincts,
the gift of trust, which is so hard.

I give glory and thanks to You for this day as it ends,
and beg that You will give me eyes to see
that in all things, You have been with me:
in what was difficult, and what was easy,
in what was anxious and what was peaceful.

In those times I sought You out, or forgot to,
You were with me, still, and I thank You.

Today, I failed in love; You know this.
I beg You to forgive me.
Today, I lost my temper; You know this.
I beg You to forgive me.
Today, I was selfish; You know this.
I beg You to forgive me.
Today, I felt desolate, unsure, and afraid;
I beg You to reach me, and to teach me again
that You love me, and are near.
That You are, O God, the safest of safe places,
the wayside resting place, where I may catch my breath,
and seek You out, before going on.

Before I rest tonight, I must thank You for Your love,
beg Your pardon for my failings,
and Your shelter from my interior storms.

O my Lord, at this moment, all is calm,
and sleep beckons me.

It is your world!
I place all of my concerns into Your hands,
and all of my fears into Your Sacred Heart,
the Self-immolating gift that is never consumed.

I believe in You.

Although I cannot understand all that is before me,
I know all things work toward
the purposes of your mysterious plans for my own good.
And I trust in this.

And I beg for the gift and grace to trust you even further,
day by day.

I ask this in the name of Christ Jesus,
seeking the prayers of Mary, his Mother, (and our Mother, too)
and of my guardian angel and patron saint (Name).

I will lie down in peace and sleep comes at once
for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:9)

Amen.

________________

Saint Joseph, pray for us.

Saint Dominic de Guzman and Saint Francis of Assisi, pray for us.

Saint Catherine of Siena and Saint Rose of Lima, pray for us.

Saint Luke the Evangelist, and Blessed Fra Angelico, pray for us.

Saint Therese of the Child Jesus and Saint Joan of Arc, pray for us.

Life In A Dash

I have not organized my thoughts yet ~ lost a loved one to cancer last week. 

Before the final blessing during the Requiem Mass, the celebrant read a poem that I am posting here. I will write about my personal reflections one of these days. The words will come, when it's the perfect time.

Divine Word Gardens

​The Dash

by Linda Ellis 

​I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone

from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time

The Dominican Blessing

It's the feast of our Holy Father Saint Dominic de Guzman again! I was at the Santo Domingo Parish- National Shrine of Our Lady of the Rosary, La Naval de Manila earlier for the Eucharistic celebration.

I took this picture of Saint Dominic, which I found at the
Basilica of Holy Trinity in Kraków, Poland.
It is a church and monastery of the Dominican Order. 

One of the things I learned from formation, and which I truly treasure, is the 13th century-Dominican Blessing or prayer below:

May God the Father bless us.

May God the Son heal us.

May God the Holy Spirit enlighten us,

and give us

eyes to see with,

ears to hear with,

hands to do the work of God with,

feet to walk with,

a mouth to preach

the word of salvation with,

and the angel of peace 

to watch over us 

and lead us at last, by our Lord’s gift, 

to the Kingdom. Amen.

I absolutely love it when some members of our chapter, the Our Lady of La Naval Lay Dominican Fraternity, (which meets monthly at the Santo Domingo convent) sing it during our monthly meetings. It was of course sung after the Mass earlier. 

Below is a video by the students of the Saint Dominic Priory in St. Louis, Missouri who sang it so beautifully. (In the future I hope to record one with our chapter members singing.)

Happy feast day, Saint Dominic! And to my Dominican family across the globe!

O most Holy Trinity, have mercy on us.

Our Lady of the Holy Rosary - La Naval de Manila, pray for us.

Saint Dominic de Guzman, pray for us.

Saint Francis of Assisi, pray for us.

Saint Catherine of Siena, pray for us.

All you Dominican Saints, pray for us.

O Lord, When?

A dear friend and brother in the Faith has recently asked me when I intend to get back on my blog. I have not written about anything in a while, except for some required "home work" for my Dominican formation. I have a draft of some reflections about my writing hiatus which I will post here soon. But for now, I'd like to post a timely message which I came across almost serendipitously! 

I have chosen the above blog post title because I think  I have been "bugging" the Lord too much for a certain prayer request I still have not received a clear answer to. Patience does not come by too easily, and I beg Him for the grace to be able to bear it all for love of Him!

Wisdom from the Saints:

I was reading through some  quotations by some saints, which I have compiled for future use. I am tasked at work to post something about the holy men and women of God, if possible, on a daily basis, except perhaps on ferial days. Before I post, I verify these quotations by going through several related articles, which of course, I get from Google.

While checking on a quotation from Saint Vincent de Paul, I read a letter he penned on April 25, 1659 for Father Guillaume Desdame, a missionary. 

Saint Vincent de Paul, was a French Roman Catholic priest, the great apostle of Charity, who founded several religious congregations that belong to the Vincentian Family. This is an excerpt of that letter:

Saint Valentine, the Martyr

According to the 1962 Missal of Saint John XXIII the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite, February 14th is the feast of Saint Valentine. He was a priest of Rome, (some sources say he was even a bishop), who was beheaded in about 273 A.D. 

Pope Julius I built a basilica on the Flaminian Way, believed to be the site of his martyrdom.

Greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for his friends. (Jn1:13)

During the time of Claudius II, a decree was issued which forbid marriage. Saint Valentine defied this decree and urged young lovers to come to him in secret so that he could join them in the Sacrament of Matrimony. Eventually he was discovered by the Emperor, who had Valentine arrested and imprisoned. 

Saint Valentine held steadfast in his Faith and in turn attempted to convert Claudius to Christianity, at which point the Emperor condemned him to death.