Eyes and Hearts Cleansed by Tears

Part 3 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

Of all the events during the Holy Father's apostolic and state visit to the Philippines, the Holy Mass in Tacloban officiated by Pope Francis was the most moving for me. It was amazing how, even while he was delivering his homily in Spanish, his heart spoke to the hearts of all of us gathered there. The translation of course was a big help. But his words were not meant to be understood by the intellect, but of the heart.

The Catholic Faithful undeterred by the strong winds and rain.
The Faith of the Filipino people is storm-proof!

I suppose that the human mind and heart can only stand so much grief and anguish, and once we reach that limitation, the tears are necessary to help us come to terms with our losses and struggles. It takes a strong person to express one's overwhelming sorrow in tears. It takes courage to declare our unspeakable love through tears to a beloved who refuses to accept us. It takes dauntlessness to be able to cry and have our tears wash away our blindness.

The men and women present there at the papal Mass were people full of courage, faith, and hope. They were unafraid to cry and to show the world that they are still in deep pain. In showing their vulnerability, I saw very clearly that they draw their strength from and dependence on Jesus who suffers with each of us. I was a witness to their  resolutely fearless disposition, deeply rooted in their unwavering faith in God. 

I have my own battle wounds, and though some have healed, the scars remain to remind me of its lessons. Although I had my own reasons to cry before the Lord, at that moment I allowed myself to weep for my brothers and sisters all gathered there. 


Healing Tears

In a Mass held in Casa Santa Marta in 2013, Pope Francis said that, "All of us have felt joy, sadness and sorrow in our lives, but have we wept during the darkest moment? Have we had that gift of tears that prepare the eyes to look, to see the Lord? We, too, can ask the Lord for the gift of tears. It is a beautiful grace... to weep praying for everything: for what is good, for our sins, for graces, for joy itself... Weeping prepares us to see Jesus."

People moved to tears.
Photo credit: http://scjphil.org/ 

I can only imagine the pain every single person present in that papal Mass in Tacloban was carrying in his/her heart. And what great consolation it was to have the pontiff in our midst. Indeed tears help wash away whatever "dirt" we have in our eyes: our indifference, our biases, our disillusionment, all our frustrations, our fears, even our sins. "Sometimes in our lives, tears are the lenses we need to see Jesus", Pope Francis said in one of his homilies.

In my own experience, reaching the place of tears is like being set free from something that stifles and/or imprisons me. Crying helps me cope with emotional and physical suffering, helps relieve me of grief and pain, and seems to always contribute to my healing.


Becoming Wounded-Healers

As a Christian, I know for a fact that there is the joy of the resurrection after suffering and death. That is why I know that as long as I am alive, I will have to go through my Gethsemanes, carry my crosses on Calvary, and finally arrive at that glorious resurrection promised by Jesus.

In Gethsemane, we wrestle with our own will and with God's will. We struggle, we ponder, we weep, we pray, we even question God. But it is with His grace alone, not by our own might, that we are able to surrender to Him without counting the cost. It is with His mercy that we are able to abandon ourselves to Him. When we obey His perfect will, we are able to behold the intensity of His struggles, share in His sufferings, and realize the depths of His love. On Calvary, we carry our crosses, we fall, we rise again, we are stripped of our perceived securities, we are mocked, abandoned, and die to ourselves. At the resurrection, we are redeemed, made whole again, and become able to see clearly and deeply the value of our sufferings, and our very existence. We are drawn closer and deeper in Love of Him. 

A man crying during the pope's homily.
Screen-captured from a video by CTV-Vatican

Even the saints spoke of having "dark nights". But in darkness, we are purified, and we learn to trust God more. We realize that devastation can bring about hope and renewal. We get the reassurance that God will never leave us alone.

Pope Francis, in humbly saying that he did not have the perfect words of comfort for the survivors of typhoon Haiyan, pointed us to Jesus. In a world now too caught up in advancements in technology, in instant gratification, and doing things "our way", the Holy Father challenges us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of Faith. He reminded us that Jesus knows exactly what we are going through, for He also lost loved ones to death. He was also betrayed and abandoned by His friends and family. He knew loneliness and ridicule, for He endured all that while He hung on that cross. "Let us look to Christ", the pope said. "He is Lord. He understands because He underwent all the trials that we, or you, have experienced."

"Certain realities in life we only see through eyes that are cleansed with tears", Pope Francis told the youth who were at the encounter at the Royal and Pontifical University of Santo Tomas the next day. Speaking for myself, seeing Pope Francis up close was like seeing Jesus in the flesh. He is after all Christ's Vicar here on earth. Yes, I saw Jesus. Through the Holy Spirit's gift of tears, I have seen God in my heart. 

By Jesus' wounds, we have been healed. And by His example, we are called to be wounded healers ourselves to a world so immersed in injustice, oppression, and pain. We are able to journey with others in their sufferings because we are also wounded and in need of healing. We are able to become truly merciful and compassionate with others because God has shown us His infinite mercy and compassion. We are able to overcome our weaknesses, and are healed of our wounds, because of God's love; for His only begotten Son shares in our suffering. In John 16:33, Jesus assures us, "...in Me you have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." 


Carpe diem. Savoring the Faith. 

I made a list of what I must do while in Tacloban : where to go, who to interview, questions I can ask the people, places I need to take pictures of, among other things, I had plans mapped in my head. But ever since I left the corporate world and decided to dedicate my full time to pastoral work in the service of Holy Mother Church, I have learned, often serendipitously, to let God work things out for the good of all those who love Him; and especially in my life. I admittedly enjoy the way He always surprises me with His better plans and His blessings, and I look forward to more! 

I truly am blessed to have been there in Leyte to witness the way Pope Francis and the survivors of Yolanda were moved by each other's presence and declaration of solidarity and love. And I cannot help but think that perhaps, that was how Jesus had been every single time He was with the least,the lost, the last,  the most deeply wounded, the poorest of the poor. 

In Tacloban that fateful and memorable Saturday, I chose to seize the day and savor the moment of seeing the Vicar of Christ up close. Not to downplay the other events in Manila, but in my own opinion, if I am to compare the way he smiled and waved to everyone during his visit, I think he seemed happier being with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda. Ultimately, my whole experience in Leyte was not just seeing Pope Francis, but hearing Jesus' words, seeing the Lord, and feeling God's love and mercy through our Holy Father. 

I have seen the two other popes, and attended Masses celebrated by Saint John Paul II and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, and they have all left a lasting impact on me. The Mass in Leyte with Pope Francis, I am sure, will also leave a indelible mark on my heart, soul and entire being. And I only have God to thank and glorify for this very humbling blessing He has bestowed upon me. 

Ad majorem Dei gloriam!

God Who Suffers With Us

Part 2 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

The Eucharistic Celebration with Pope Francis

I have deep admiration for all the people who attended the Mass in Tacloban. I was in Luneta the following day, and I cannot help but compare how more reverent and more solemn the Eucharistic celebration was in Leyte. I was only able to reach a certain area, one of the quadrants nearest the media platform far back facing the altar, and yet as I walked around, I observed that everyone was in a prayerful mood. No one was holding up his/her cellular phone. Not one! Instead, most were clutching their rosaries. I felt embarrassed to bring my phone out to take pictures, not where everyone were so focused on what was happening in front.

There was just too much to take-in during the Mass at the airport. I tried to strike a conversation with a couple beside me who came all the way from Borongan, Samar, and had been in the area since the previous night. I wanted to ask more questions, but they seemed to be deeply moved by the mere presence of Pope Francis that they were barely able to answer me. At that point, I decided, I will also actively participate in the Eucharistic celebration. Never-mind if I don't get to interview anyone attending the papal Mass about their own experiences and reflections. Never mind if I do not get to take pictures. I thought, maybe I still have time to do that a little later. 

When the Gospel was proclaimed, I felt my heartbeat go faster, and I braced myself. I knew I could not stop my lacrimal gland from producing tears once Pope Francis delivers his words of comfort. He travelled that far just to be with those people present there. Those people were the primary reason he decided to come to the Philippines. 

Pope Francis' moving homily 
(Delivered originally in Spanish)

"We have a high priest who is capable of sympathizing with our weaknesses. But one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. Jesus is like us. Jesus lived like us and is the same as us in every respect, except sin, because He was not a sinner. But to be more like us He assumed our condition and our sin. He made Himself unto sin. This is what Saint Paul tells us.

And Jesus always goes before us. And when we pass an experience, a cross, He passed there before us. And if today we find ourselves fourteen months afterwards here, fourteen months precisely after the typhoon Yolanda hit, it is because we have a security of knowing that we're not going to weaken in our Faith, because Jesus has been here before us. In His passion He assumed all our pain. 

I'd like to tell you something close to my heart. When I saw from Rome the catastrophe, I felt that I had to be here. And on those very days, I decided to come here. I'm here to be with you ~ a little bit late, I have to say, but I'm here." 

Panoramic shot of the people in attendance at the papal Mass
 held at the Tacloban Airport last 17 January, 2015

I tend to cry easily. More so lately, whenever I hear stories of loss and survival related to typhoon Yolanda. I have heard the harrowing stories of strangers-turned-friends who survived the super typhoon. I have seen them cry, even after more than a year. I know it's nothing compared to what the survivors of typhoon Yolanda had gone through, but I experienced how it felt to be battered by a storm, especially while in Leyte. I was in Alang-alang, about 20 minutes away from Palo, when tropical storm Seniang (Jangmi) made a landfall in late December of 2014. 

By the time Pope Francis humbly apologized for coming late, I was crying a river; good thing the rain masked my stream of tears.

There I was, in solidarity with the survivors of tyhpoon Yolanda. I cannot, even now, describe accurately what it felt to be there. The people were intrepid. They were undeterred in their resolve to attend the Mass, unworried (at least as I perceived them) by the imminent onslaught of typhoon Amang. And the pope, buffeted by the rain, was one of us, too!


Emmanuel, God with Us

"I've come to tell you that Jesus is Lord and He never lets us down. Father, you might say to me -- I was let down because I've lost so many things, my house, my livelihood... It's true, if you would say that, and I respect those sentiments. But Jesus there nailed to the cross, and from there, He does not let us down. He was consecrated as Lord on that throne, and there He experienced all calamities that we experienced. Jesus is Lord, and the Lord from the Cross is there for you. Therefore He is capable of understanding us, as we heard in the First Reading. In everything, He is the same as us. That is why we have a Lord who is capable of crying with us, capable of walking with us in the most difficult moments of life.

So many of you have lost everything. I don't know what to say to you. But the Lord does know what to say to you. Some of you have lost part of your families. All I can do is keep silence. And I walk with you all with my silent heart."

(L) The Crucifix at the altar in the Tacloban Mass;
(R) Pope Francis points to Jesus on the Cross, who suffers with all of us.

I thought, it really must be a blessing in disguise to celebrate the Mass even during that torrential rain. For sure, Pope Francis and his entourage have never experienced a battering downpour. I overheard from one among those from the media platform that it was suggested to Pope Francis to celebrate the Mass inside a chapel where he won't get wet, and it will be shown in the big LED screens outside, but he insisted to be one with the people. Under the drenching rain that made me shiver to the bones, I felt a surging warmth in my being upon hearing what I heard. Our Holy Father wanted to share in the sufferings and struggles of the people of Leyte and Samar. The presence of the Vicar of Christ in our midst was a reassurance that truly God is with us in our sufferings. 

God is with us in the tempests that batter our lives. We have all cried out to God and questioned Him why He allows suffering and pain. But Pope Francis has reminded us all that God is able to bring about good from something evil ~ Jesus Himself carried His Cross on Good Friday and brought forth victory over death on Resurrection Sunday. God the Father showed His deep love for us by sending His only Son to suffer and die that we may truly live.

"Many of you have asked the Lord, 'Why, Lord?' And to each of you, to your heart, Christ responds from His heart upon the Cross. I have no more words to tell you. Let us look to Christ. He is the Lord. He understands because He underwent all the trials that we, or you, have experienced."

Sometimes, when we are overcome with heart-wrenching pain, we cry like Jesus, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  But in the Mass, Pope Francis reminded us all that God is truly Emmanuel. From the Cross, Jesus knows our pain, our loss, our frustrations, and our disappointments. He is one of us, even in suffering and death. In embracing our heartaches and sufferings, and offering them back to Almighty God, we are able to participate in the mystery of Christ's Passion.  

Suffering, according to Saint Paul, also sanctifies us. We are "burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope." (2 Corinthians 1:11)

In my head I thought of all those people who I know have suffered so much, have lost so much, and yet have also endured and persevered in the Faith. Their strength is truly inspiring. 

Jesus gave us His Mother Mary to be our Mother too

"Please know that the love and tenderness
of  Mother Mary never lets you down."

"And beside the cross was His Mother. We are like this little child, just there. In the moments when you have so much pain, when we no longer understand anything, all we can do is grab hold of Her hand firmly and say, 'Mom', as a child does to her mother when he or she feels fear. 

It is perhaps the only word that we can say in such difficult times. 'Mother. Mum...' Let us together hold a moment of silence. Let us look to the Christ on the Cross. He understands us because He endured everything. Let us look to our Mother, and like that little child, let us grab hold of Her mantle, and with a true heart say 'Mother'... 

In silence, let us say this prayer; say to the Mother what you feel in your hearts..."

At that point, I remember bowing my head, unable to stop the tears. I allowed myself to weep. But I knew I was not alone in crying. The people in that field were crying their hearts out to God too, albeit in silence. I suddenly remembered a dream I once had, in which Mother Mary took me into Her arms, embraced me, then allowed me to sit on Her lap. 

In whispers, I prayed for the people there. I prayed for those who died, especially during the recent calamities that wreaked havoc upon our country. I prayed for my family, my relatives, and all those I love. I prayed for the sick, the lonely, the alone. I prayed for friends and strangers, and especially the nameless people who had helped me one way or the other. I thought of mothers contemplating abortion, and prayed that they would choose life instead. I thought of abandoned children and elderly men and women in the streets who have no one to look after them. I prayed for people blinded by their power and wealth that they may find in Jesus their real treasure. I prayed for those whose hearts have hardened and  have become incapable of being vulnerable to love again. There were just too many people to pray for. I allowed my tears to flow, and begged the Holy Spirit to cry out to God all those unspoken prayers I could no longer express from my heart. I offered all my pain, my fears, my uncertainties, my doubts. I offered to God all my sins. my flaws, and my weaknesses. I surrendered my heart, my soul, my entire being to my most loving and Almighty God!

"Let us know that we have Mother Mary, and our senior brother, our Great Brother Jesus. We are not alone. We also have many brothers who in this moment of catastrophe came to help you. And we too, because of this, we feel more brothers and sisters because we helped each other.

This is what comes from my heart, and forgive me if I have no other words to express this. But please know Jesus never lets you down. Please know that the love and tenderness of Mother Mary never lets you down. And holding on to Her mantle and with the power that comes from Jesus' love on the cross, let us move forward, always forward, and walk together as brothers and sisters in the Lord forward. Thank you very much."

Encountering Jesus

In a homily given by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI on Divine Mercy Sunday in 2012, he said that "Christian worship is not just a commemoration of past events, or even a particular mystical, interior experience, but essentially an encounter with the Risen Lord." He said that in the Mass, Jesus "lives in the dimension of God, beyond space and time."  Jesus is truly present among us, as "He speaks to us in Scripture and breaks for us the bread of eternal life."

Being there in Tacloban City for the Mass with the people who survived typhoon Yolanda, and to have Pope Francis with us, felt like a foretaste of heaven. In my head I saw what it would be like to be before God in His kingdom. I imagined the seven choirs of angels all around us, praising and glorifying God unceasingly. Of course, Mother Mary, Saint Joseph, and all God's holy saints will be there too. In the cold, I felt God's love and embrace. It had been days of anxiety and sleepless nights prior to the papal visit, and right there during the Mass, Jesus has embraced me and assured me of His mercy and compassion. 

God has filled my being with love, and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, has guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)