I am Pro-Life to the core! (I have shared my story in this previous article.) I am thankful for my life and am grateful that I was valued for my personhood and was not taken as a mere clump of tissue. Life is a gift from God Almighty and I cherish this gift to be alive.
At any given time, when faced with a person who is pro-choice or is considering termination of the life in her womb, I would do my very best to convince her there are other options and that choosing life is the best way to go. But what do you do when someone comes to you and confides that she has already aborted her almost full-term baby?
Listen with an open heart. For the first few moments after hearing such a confession, I remember being confounded and at a loss for words. I sensed the mother's reluctance to tell me the truth, and the desperation to be freed of the guilt and the pain. While I allowed her to talk, deep inside I was asking myself, How do I reach out to this woman with love? Where do I start? What do I say first?
Listen with an open heart. For the first few moments after hearing such a confession, I remember being confounded and at a loss for words. I sensed the mother's reluctance to tell me the truth, and the desperation to be freed of the guilt and the pain. While I allowed her to talk, deep inside I was asking myself, How do I reach out to this woman with love? Where do I start? What do I say first?
I realized that the most loving act I could do was to listen. The wounds caused by abortion are imprinted in the soul, and allowing the mother to talk about her grief was a step towards healing. She believed that no one would understand her pain and shame, and admitted to being assaulted by self-condemnation. She struggled with thoughts of burning in hell for her sin. She knew my stance against abortion, and hesitated to share her story with me; but she banked on our friendship. I felt so shattered knowing what happened to her son, but I valued her trust.
Judge not. I have stopped trying to grasp the weight of her desperate circumstances that led to her decision. I had no power to bring the baby back. (I couldn't help but think that the baby would have been my godson!) I have heard many stories and reasons why women choose abortion. There is fear and/or coercion. Most are due to emotional and physical abandonment by the baby's father. There is the financial difficulty, or (as what I have often heard), the extreme fear of being disowned by parents once the pregnancy is discovered. Initially, I partly blamed myself for not knowing that my friend was silently crying out for help. I was tempted to sulk at my sin of omission, but it was not the time for that. She needed help and I knew that God wanted me to be an instrument of His love. With a prayer in my heart, I did what I knew best: be her friend. I assured her that although she gave in to absolute despair before, there is a way out of the darkness. I made her feel that God loves her so much in spite of herself. I told her that God's mercy is boundless and only His love will bring back joy into her life.
Acknowledge the pain. As I fought back my own tears, I allowed her to grieve and assured her that only God can help her from getting deeper into despair. I literally let her cry on my shoulder. I knew somehow she did not feel alone anymore. I did my very best to make her understand that there is hope and relief from her pain. I had to convince her that God's wrath won't be upon her, especially because of her deep remorse for her wrong choice, and her willingness to ask the Lord's forgiveness. It was vital to make her feel that I support her, that I care for her, that I'd be with her through her ordeal. Where I fall short as a friend, I told her she can depend on God as the One who'd never let her down.
Be loving. Once trust was established, she completely opened up. I resolved to express my silent, unspoken love as she related all her concerns to me. Charity and understanding was what she needed, and that I gave to her. Soon she expressed that she had to maturely deal with the repercussions of her choice. When words were no longer enough, a warm embrace sufficed. I knew those hugs were therapeutic!
Emphasize that Confession is life changing. The one thing I encouraged my friend to do was that she go to Confession. My friend told me she used to think abortion not only killed her baby, but it also destroyed her life. She thought it was an unforgivable sin that she could never approach God. I told her the Sacrament of Reconciliation was a means to connect with God, have a clean slate and start all over again. I did my best to point out that through this sacrament of God's mercy, a great deal of her burdens shall be lifted off of her shoulders and she shall have peace of mind. I told her she only had to pray for the grace to be able to humbly approach Him whose love for her is infinite. I assured her that reconciling with God will bring about the change she so desired. In His immeasurable Divine Mercy and compassion, God shall tread all our iniquities under foot and shall cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)
Judge not. I have stopped trying to grasp the weight of her desperate circumstances that led to her decision. I had no power to bring the baby back. (I couldn't help but think that the baby would have been my godson!) I have heard many stories and reasons why women choose abortion. There is fear and/or coercion. Most are due to emotional and physical abandonment by the baby's father. There is the financial difficulty, or (as what I have often heard), the extreme fear of being disowned by parents once the pregnancy is discovered. Initially, I partly blamed myself for not knowing that my friend was silently crying out for help. I was tempted to sulk at my sin of omission, but it was not the time for that. She needed help and I knew that God wanted me to be an instrument of His love. With a prayer in my heart, I did what I knew best: be her friend. I assured her that although she gave in to absolute despair before, there is a way out of the darkness. I made her feel that God loves her so much in spite of herself. I told her that God's mercy is boundless and only His love will bring back joy into her life.
Acknowledge the pain. As I fought back my own tears, I allowed her to grieve and assured her that only God can help her from getting deeper into despair. I literally let her cry on my shoulder. I knew somehow she did not feel alone anymore. I did my very best to make her understand that there is hope and relief from her pain. I had to convince her that God's wrath won't be upon her, especially because of her deep remorse for her wrong choice, and her willingness to ask the Lord's forgiveness. It was vital to make her feel that I support her, that I care for her, that I'd be with her through her ordeal. Where I fall short as a friend, I told her she can depend on God as the One who'd never let her down.
Emphasize that Confession is life changing. The one thing I encouraged my friend to do was that she go to Confession. My friend told me she used to think abortion not only killed her baby, but it also destroyed her life. She thought it was an unforgivable sin that she could never approach God. I told her the Sacrament of Reconciliation was a means to connect with God, have a clean slate and start all over again. I did my best to point out that through this sacrament of God's mercy, a great deal of her burdens shall be lifted off of her shoulders and she shall have peace of mind. I told her she only had to pray for the grace to be able to humbly approach Him whose love for her is infinite. I assured her that reconciling with God will bring about the change she so desired. In His immeasurable Divine Mercy and compassion, God shall tread all our iniquities under foot and shall cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)
Live love. Love life. A few days after, she happily told me she has gone to confession and felt so much closer to God. Fast forward to a few years, she got married, and one day I received an invitation that I shall be the godmother of her healthy, gorgeous baby boy. She said she felt she was truly forgiven of her sins when she learned she was going to have another child. This time, of course, she chose life. God has blessed her and her husband with two wonderful boys!
God's healing grace and forgiveness is endless, we only have to approach Him. No matter how grave our sins are, He is always just waiting with open arms for our return. His unconditional love and generosity can never be outdone!
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