(Originally published in the CBCP Monitor Vol. 18 No. 13, on June 23- July 06, 2014.)
The above title suddenly hit me and
there was this strong yearning to post it somewhere. In the classified ads,
perhaps? But nah, I am not that desperate! I won’t, even in my nightmares, do
it. Besides, I believe in God’s perfect timing. I believe that my God is able
to give me my heart’s desires in His time and in His way. I firmly believe, even
when I am often being challenged by “concerned” people around me who insist
that I hurry because my biological clock is ticking. But they are another
story. So I reckon, why not just write about it, and after the final
punctuation mark, I’ll go from there.
Then again, this is a plea that
definitely bombards Heaven daily. My fervent plea. Oh my countless patron
Saints will attest to this I am sure!
How many times have Saint Thérèse of
Lisieux sent me roses in affirmation that God hears my prayers? I cannot even
count anymore. On her feast day in 2011, I remember how Saint Anne “visited” me
in Marytown1 and assured me that she and her Blessed daughter Mary pray for me
all the time! In my dreams, Saint Justin has visited me and given me the “kiss
of Truth”, instructing me what I must do now while I wait for God’s gift for me
~ him whom the lily blossoms for! Saint Francis often whispers to me, reminding
me to love with all my soul. Saint Ignatius adds that I love without counting
the cost! And I can imagine Padre Pio shaking his head with his sweet grandfatherly
smile, reassuring me that that it is a done deal, and is already being taken
care of by my King and Father, Almighty God Himself. Now that puts things in
perspective!
I believe there are still a few good
gentlemen out there. They may be a rare breed already, but I have hope in
humanity; in the male specie for that matter. Call me too old-fashioned, but I
know chivalry still exists even in this day and age where relativism and sin
has become an acceptable way of life. God has created everyone innately beautiful
and good. I have faith that there exists a wonderful man whom God has chosen
specially just for me.
Before I continue on and start raising
other people’s eyebrows, I’d like to be honest and admit that I am a miserable
sinner myself who is in constant need of Jesus Christ my Redeemer. I am no
saint definitely. Those who really know me inside and out know what I am
capable of. Yes, even the bad things that I am capable of but choose not to do!
There is always this strong desire all with God’s grace, that allows me to
choose to be good, to strive to grow in virtues, and to eventually become a
woman after God’s own heart. Oh the countless times I have failed God but His grace
and love prevails! It really is always just a choice! I always challenge myself
to live my name ~ God’s madonnina!
Friends and acquaintances would most
probably describe me as religious. I do my very best to be a witness to my
Catholic-CHRISTian Faith, but that does not mean I never fall short of God’s
expectations of me. I know my sins. I am a sinner who is very much in need of
His unfailing love and forgiveness. God draws me to Himself, and it has been my
own daily “fiat” to surrender and run to Him in all the circumstances of my
life. I am far from perfect that is why
I constantly need His infinite mercy. We all need to start somewhere. I choose
every moment to follow Him Who is my Beginning and my End. I choose to take the
baby steps and obey Him!
So why write about all these now?
Someone very close to me is getting
married. Amidst the preparations, a friend joked and said I should make sure to
catch the bouquet. Another made a comment that now I am the only one left
without a wedding band on my finger.
I have been constantly told that I have
such high standards when it comes to a man~ that is why I am still unmarried.
Oh how it stings every time I am told that I expect too much from men as if I
am perfect! Who said I am Ms. Perfect? I never claimed to be one. But I believe
that I can ask God for anything and be very specific about my prayer requests;
and that includes helping me to become a woman pleasing to Him first and
foremost, and giving me a husband who is a man after His own heart too.
Why limit what I can ask God when He
can give me anything that always surpasses my imagination and expectations?
I have met good men. I have met jerks.
(Pardon my French.) The thing with the few good men I have met, they’re off
limits. And with those jerks, I’d rather not go through why they are that bad,
but they sure will break their parents’ hearts. Oooh if only I can borrow King
David’s slingshot and give them a good hit on the head enough to make them turn
into gentlemen! But there is hope I know. There is always hope. And on that
note, I am certain that there is one for me out there who also knows my
existence. He shall come tear down the walls of my tower when I least expect
it. He shall do so, in God’s perfect time; because there is no escaping God’s
will for us!
I have gone through discernment. I have checked out several religious congregations. I have gone to several
soul-searching trips to figure out what God is calling me to do. I have tried
to condition myself to the idea of living a monastic life. I was willing to go
out of my comfort zone and serve the poorest of the poor. I was leaning towards
being humbly garbed in a religious habit, living somewhere out there in a
foreign land on a mission to set the world on fire for the glory of God’s
kingdom. That did not happen. Yes, God called me to serve Him still; but as a
lay person, and not as a religious. Not as a nun, as others would actually want
me do, while jeering among themselves at the prospect that I am going to grow
old alone and lonely in a distant convent and miss out on life. I have to mention that;
because some people have such a distorted understanding of doing one’s
vocation. They are another story too.
I was reluctant at first to heed His
call for me. I was pretty much content living my life exploring the world. But God
had His way; and He made sure I got the message and follow through with what He
wants for me. He is my Father and my King; and I am His daughter. God only
wants what a daughter of a King rightfully deserves!
In retrospect, one of the things I am
always very grateful to God about is not tying the knot early. I have had a proposal
or two. Back then, I had these reasons I’d describe now as superficial. When I
was younger, I told myself I’d only get married for the sake of love, have
children, have my own family, and grow old with my husband in our loving home.
I still have these reasons in mind for marriage, but then there’s more. Thank
God that He made me realize and understand why He instituted the holy sacrament
of matrimony!
My Almighty Father in Heaven has made
it crystal clear to me: He has called me for married life. And it’s not just the
kind of marriage for the sake of being able to tell relatives, friends and colleagues
that I am the wife of Mr. Tech-Savvy-Able-To-Take-Care-of-Me-and-Our-Family,
and the mother of our adorable twins. It is not enough that I am able to
proudly say my status is finally Married and not Single.
God has called me for a mission: to
reflect Holy Trinitarian love within my married and family life, to radiate
“caritas” to the world for God's greater glory, and to share pure agape love
with my husband the way that our Mother Church submissively surrenders to the
love of Jesus Christ Her Bridegroom, and with the Holy Family of Nazareth as
our Model.
Now that’s truly a tough act to follow!
The gravity of this mission is easier said (or written) than done! It still
overwhelms me, and scares me sometimes!
To quote the Catechism of the Catholic
Church, "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish
between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered
toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring;
this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to
the dignity of a sacrament." (CCC
1601)2
“The intimate community of life and
love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator
and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the
author of marriage." The
vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they
came from the hand of the Creator… "The
well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is
closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life.” God who
created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate
vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of
God who is himself love. Since
God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the
absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in
the Creator's eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful
and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "And God
blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the
earth and subdue it.'" (CCC 1603, 1604)2
So
what about the above-mentioned qualifications in the title of this article?
I
pray for such a man because I need him to fully embrace married life in the
same surrender to God and the same understanding that I have of the sanctity of
matrimony. I need him to understand that our oneness shall require many
sacrifices, and each other’s unconditional love willing to even lay our lives for
each other and our future children. I need such a man who shall embrace the
sacred mission of family life. I need a man who accepts with all his heart the
importance of fighting the good fight together and ensuring that we, with the
children God will bless our union with, shall all go to heaven.
I
want my future husband and I to raise future saints! Because I know my
weaknesses, I need a strong, just man to journey with me in our family life.
When then, will Mr. God-loving, God-fearing, Saint-Joseph-like, Pro-Life, Devout Catholic Bachelor finally come to sweep me off my feet?
All in God's impeccable timing!
While I pray and wait for him, I am going to do the things that the Lord wants me to do for Him. With joyful anticipation shall I allow God to work in our lives and surprise us both. I am certain that our Eternal Father is preparing him for me, as God is preparing me for him, too. He is out there I am very sure. And probably by sheer serendipity, he shall be reading this!
