The Road Less Traveled By

"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? Do you get what you're hoping for, when you look behind you there's no open door? What are you hoping for? Do you know?

This song was the last I heard before I got off my stop on my commute going home today. It has ear-wormed its way into my head. Usually I would get annoyed when a song, especially one that I do not particularly like, gets stuck in my mind for a while. But this one reminded me of a pivotal moment in my life which made me choose a different road, instead of the original I had planned to take. (I wrote about that life-changing experience here.)

I believe that in God's great design of the entire Creation, He has made each person for a specific purpose ~ a mission that only that individual, and no one else, can accomplish.  

As a little girl, I remember learning in catechism classes that my choices must be aligned with God's will. I also learned to pray, "Dear Lord, may Your will be done in my life!" I did not understand the seriousness and depth of those words then, but I prayed them anyway. Another vivid memory I have was wondering if the heavens would open, and God's thundering voice shall be audibly heard speaking to me so that I will know just what to do. 

But it does not happen that way. How then do we know where God wants us to go? How do we know what the will of God is in our lives?


Spend Time to have a Prayerful Discernment

The Catechism for Filipino Catholics says, "To discern God's action in our daily lives demands a spiritual sensitivity that comes only from authentic Christian prayer and worship. This means that our personal prayer is grounded in God's revelation in Scripture and the Church's living Tradition. Only then are we sure to worship 'in Spirit and in Truth.'" 

In one retreat I attended a few years ago, I learned that discernment involves making a decision that gives utmost priority to the will of God in our lives. It is not simply choosing between two or more options. It is going for the best out of other good choices. 

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises said, "Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God's deepening His life in me."

We are all hard-wired to have the ardor to seek for God, after all we are created after His own image. But our longing for God must move us to make the conscious decision to open our hearts to Him, and listen to His voice. He will not impose; He respects our free will, a gift which He has given to mankind. 

"The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for." (CCC § 27)

If we allow to have enough time for prayer daily, I believe that our omnipresent God, in His infinite goodness and love, will speak directly to each of us. Perhaps not in the same way that He spoke to the prophets of old, but the Lord who knows our thoughts and our hearts, definitely also knows best how to speak with us in the events of our daily lives, if we allow ourselves to be receptive to Him.

Another thing I did which helped me in my discernment is finding the time to attend recollections, and retreats. The solitude helped me in having heart-to-heart talks with God. Even now, I still attend talks and symposiums that deepen my understanding of the Faith. I have also been very choosy with the books I read now. I used to just leaf-through any book I get a hold on, no matter what it is about, all because of sheer curiosity. It was difficult at first, but these days I hunger for books that help enrich my Faith. A book that has become a favorite of mine is The Story of a Soul by Saint Therese of Lisieux. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, and The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena, are helpful books, too.

Be Not Afraid to Tell God Your Fears

Everything starts with small beginnings. But we have to take that first step, and do it with courage. I started mine by voicing to God what I was so afraid of. I told Him I knew what I wanted in my life but was unsure if it was for my best. I told Him all my dreams, and even consulted Him that these dreams were not what the people around me wanted for me; and that I sometimes felt caught in a dilemma between obeying them and doing what I want for my own life. I told Him I am too sinful, felt inadequate, and so unworthy. Initially I was hesitant to tell Him everything, including all my fears, my disappointments, what I most desire, and exactly what I was expecting from Him. Yes, I have been this open to telling God what I truly feel. With prayer, I eventually felt at ease telling Him what's in my heart. He knows everything anyway.

In a prayerful relationship with God, we are able to allow Him to speak to us through His Word, the Holy Bible. Reading about the lives of the saints, and other holy men and women, have helped me, too. He also uses the ordinary events of our lives to inspire us, and even sends people whose lives may stir in us a desire to serve Him concretely, or in a particular way, in His Church. More often than not, God uses the wisdom of other people to speak to us.

One such saint who has inspired me is Saint John Paul II. Having seen him up close at the World Youth Day in Manila, hearing him speak, and reading some of his works, has influenced me greatly. He often told the youth, "Be not afraid!"

"Ask yourselves, young people, about the love of Christ. Acknowledge His voice resounding in the temple of your heart. Return His bright and penetrating glance which opens the paths of your life to the horizons of the Church's mission. It is a taxing mission, today more than ever to teach men the truth about themselves, about their end, their destiny, and to show faithful souls the unspeakable riches of the love of Christ. Do not be afraid of the radicalness of His demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give Himself to you, as well as asking of you. If He asks much of you, it is because He knows you can give much." ~Saint John Paul II, The Meaning of Vocation.

In my Faith journey, one of the things that deeply took root in my soul, and which has been a source of great help and consolation, is my love and devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. When I am afraid, I run to Her. When I am confused, I beg Her to consult Her Son Jesus on my behalf. When I am in desperate need of something, I plead with Her to God to answer my prayers.

We have Mother Mary as our role model of humble surrender and total obedience to the will of God.  (Luke 1:26-38). Through her good counsel and powerful intercession, I believe that the answers to our prayers are expedited.  (John 2:1-12) That is of course, if it is in line with the will of God. But I am confident in Her guidance and love for me, and for all of us her children. "She is more Mother than Queen", said Saint Therese. And she truly is! 


Taking the Leap of Faith

What happens after we hear God speaking to us, and we are made to realize what He wants done through us? 

We ought to obey. We take a leap of faith.

I reached a crossroads in my life when I knew what I wanted in my life, and at the same time what God wanted for me. They were not exactly the same. 

I worked for an airline company for almost a decade. Then my job after that was with an IT company which provided travel software and technology solutions for the global travel industry. It paid well, and it had awesome perks. All those years, God had been gracious in helping me balance my rather hectic schedule. I served in parish ministries. I did a lot of volunteer work both in Church, and with socio-civic organizations. I traveled once or twice a year, sometimes even more, both here and abroad. It was not exactly a glamorous life, but I enjoyed God's countless blessings.

And then He called me. He spoke to me, from His heart to mine, and told me what He wanted me to be. I struggled. I doubted. I questioned Him several times. I laid all my uncertainties before Him. He was magnanimous and patient with me, as always. He gave me time. Finally, when I said yes, I knew even within myself that I was ready. He has made me firm in the Faith. 

The Lord, through Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Rose of Lima, among several other saints, has called me to be a Lay Dominican. So I decided to leave the corporate world, and chose to be a full time pastoral worker in Church.  It does not give me the same perquisites like my previous jobs, but it definitely gives me blessings beyond my expectations.


Reaffirmations and Reassurances

During the apostolic visit of Pope Francis in the Philippines last January 15-19, 2015, I have been so blessed to serve as a volunteer for the official Papal Visit PH media team. I was even chosen to be among those who flew to Tacloban during the pope's Mass there. And being with the youth ministry of the diocese, I was also among those present to listen to Lolo Kiko's message at the University of Santo Tomas.

The pope's message struck to the core, and I would not be shy in admitting that I was in tears upon hearing his words.

"Real love leads you to spend yourselves in love, to leave your pockets open and empty. Saint Francis died with his pockets empty, but with a very full heart. This isn't easy to understand: To learn how to beg. To learn how to receive with humility. To learn to be evangelized by the poor, those that we help, those infirm, orphans; they have so much to offer us... Do you know that you, too, are poor? Do you know your poverty and the need that you receive? Do you let yourselves be evangelized by those you serve? Let them give to you? And this is what helps you mature in your commitment to give to others, to learn how to offer out your hand, from your very own poverty..."

For Each Tree is Known By Its Own Fruit (Luke 6:44)

Discernment is a life-long process. Having already said yes to God does not mean I should stop regularly asking Him what to do, and where to go next. I don't want to sound too self-righteous, but it is important to also be aware if my decision to follow Him has borne good fruits. (Fruits, which I learned, do not necessarily mean something I would pick out for myself; but things that others would benefit most from.) 

I am God's "work in progress." I actually believe He needs to do major overhauls with me. But He teaches me loving-patience. (I still am sometimes too hard on myself!). The Lord has been infinitely patient and merciful to me. I ought to learn from my Greatest Master and Friend. 

My life with Christ has truly been a wonderful adventure, far greater than what I expected and wanted it to be. The world may find me foolish for leaving the world that promises me success, power and money, and for taking instead the radical path of service and love like what my Radical Master Jesus did; but I have no regrets. I am happy that I am perfectly where God wants me to be. 

          "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- 
               I took the one less traveled by,
              And that has made all the difference."

                                                    

When God Makes A Way

Part 1 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

Pope Francis' infectious smile!
Filipinos affectionately call him "Lolo Kiko"
(Grandpa Francis)
Photo credit : http://edition.cnn.com/

For several days now, I have been attempting to write about my trip to Tacloban City last January 17, 2015; a most blessed day when Pope Francis celebrated the Holy Mass with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda. It felt restrictive to have to write about a very profound experience in a limited number of words. I tried several times, but tears would flow first that I would end up not being able to organize my thoughts. I would get the mixed emotions of feeling so unworthy and yet also feeling so humbled by the fact (and blessing) that God made it possible for me to be physically there with the people of Leyte and Samar.

I was supposed to submit an article to be posted in the Diocese of Cubao's website. But I needed to stick to a 500-word piece, and not write in the first person. I tried several times, but was not making any progress. I told myself, if I am to process my experiences there, I needed to just let the thoughts and emotions flow.

My blog is the perfect avenue for that. I deemed it necessary to make my reflections in three parts, because even I get too overwhelmed. This is the first of three.

God called, I answered.

When I volunteered as a writer six months ago with the official #PapalVisitPH media team under the CBCP, all I wanted was to be able to use this talent that God gave me and use it for His greater glory. I do not have Journalism credentials to boast of. I do not have an exemplary writing style, nor do I have an extensive vocabulary. During the course of the preparations, I would often feel out of place when attending meetings, and so I silently asked God several times in prayer if I heard Him correctly when He told me to go where He leads. My fellow volunteers were mostly experts in their fields ~ trained and experienced writers and bloggers, professors, veteran news anchors, editors, graphic artists, professional photographers and videographers. 

I am a nobody. It was worse because somehow, that  was how I felt I was being treated: that I am a nobody who has nothing new or good to offer; that they are more deserving than I was because they know what they are doing; they are learned and more informed, and I was not. My feeling of unworthiness almost always brought me to tears; and the Holy Spirit would be my consoler. God tirelessly reassured me that He wanted me to accomplish something for Him, that I was where He wanted me to be; and I only had to trust Him. 

Papal Visit Assignments

As early as July 2014, we were given briefings as to what we will be doing as volunteers. (Sadly, I have to admit, the mainstream media does not always give an accurate and unbiased reporting. More often than not, the media is out there like a mighty predator ready to devour the Catholic Church once they see a flaw or weakness.) The mission of the Papal Visit PH Media was to give the Church's perspective of the things and events that will unfold in the course prior to, during, and even after the pontiff's apostolic and state visit. It is the successor of Peter we are talking about after all. One builds up members of his/her family, not put them down. That's what we were set out to do: build up the members of Holy Mother Church through another Petrine encounter after 20 years.

We were assigned to do research about the venues where papal events will be held. We were told of these places earlier, so we could prepare articles about them even before they were publicly announced. The Palo Cathedral and the Pope Francis Center for the Poor were the first of my assignments.

I wondered then, would I also be assigned to go to Leyte when Pope Francis comes?

We were told that if we wanted to be in the venues to cover the events, we would have to shoulder our own expenses. In my case, since I wanted to be in Palo, I was told that I had to pay for my own plane fare. I actually was praying for the Lord to make a way for me to be able to go back to Leyte, especially when Pope Francis visits. I was thinking, I could still use my ticket allocation. (I was with PAL for several years and still have free-ticket privileges) 

There were uncertainties. As a volunteer, I could not simply decide to go anywhere I pleased, because I would have to anticipate that there would be tasks assigned to me, or places and events that I would have to cover. And being an ex-airline reservations-sales employee, I knew that I won't be prioritized at the check-in counter if I were to use my ex-airline employee privileges. I could get bumped-off. Other than that, I was not sure if my schedule at work would allow me to travel.


The Special Philippine Airlines flight

Shepherd One in Tacloban airport

Some people I know tried to book their own flights to get to Tacloban to attend the papal Mass there, and to come back to Manila that same day. Initially, I, too, made plans with my family. We have relatives in Alang-alang and Palo. But the Civil Aviation Authority of the Philippines implemented a no-fly zone in the air spaces of Manila, Tacloban and Palo, especially while the pope was travelling en route to his destination. No commercial flights were allowed to depart and arrive in Tacloban on January 17, except for the papal and government chartered flights. That being the case, we would have to go to Leyte a day or two earlier, and come back to Manila on Sunday or later. We all finally decided that we'll just have to go there another time, that way we can attend the UST and Luneta events here in Manila.

Everyone knew that Philippine Airlines would officially take the pontiff to Tacloban, his plane dubbed as Shepherd One. But no one talked about a second plane, (at least none that I knew of nor heard), of which would fly to Tacloban some media personnel, and some prelates, among them, Archbishop John F. Du of Palo, and Archbishop Jose S. Palma of Cebu. I didn't know that either, not until I was inside the plane and saw them a few seats in front of me. I could not describe the humbling experience of being chosen to be in that flight.

With Ms. Anna Cosio and Mr. Raymond Bandril
of CBCP Media/ Areopagus
during our Mnl-Tac flight

That early morning of Saturday when I went to NAIA Terminal 3 to take the PR8191 scheduled to depart at 0600H, I was without sleep; not even a wink. I had ministry duties at my diocese and didn't want to disappoint the eager youth who wanted to volunteer at the Luneta Mass and the UST events. I prayed for strength and resolve to do what I must, remembering always that in all these things, I must decrease so that the Lord may increase. Unable to finish praying my rosary because I dozed off right before the plane even taxied on the runway, still God did not fail me. God is magnanimous that way, always looking past my sinfulness and shortcomings, and always exceeding my grandest dreams. He filled my being with strength, enough to sustain me until Monday when Pope Francis left for Rome. 

Arriving at the Daniel Z. Romualdez airport around 0715H that stormy Saturday, my heart had many expectations. Who wouldn't want to be near the Vicar of Christ? I wanted to be as close as I could get to Pope Francis myself as everyone else did. I even had a picture of my nephew and niece, and of my immediate family, inside my bag pocket, accompanied by a short note for the Holy Father, ready to be given to him just in case I got the chance. But I was also constantly reminded that there was a lesson to be learned; that more than getting the chance of being near the pope, I needed to re-encounter Jesus among the faithful gathered there. 

I don't keep e-ticket printouts 
and boarding passes

of flights I took in the past. But these 

I will definitely keep and treasure!

When I was told that I was chosen to be among those who will be officially sent to Palo as a volunteer writer, the news did not sink in right away. It did not sink in, not until I was actually there at the airport attending the Eucharistic celebration, in my own yellow slicker given by a volunteer, amongst the sea of people, mostly survivors of Haiyan. (Thank God for my very generous benefactor who even travelled with us!)

It felt surreal being there, being truly one with the people, drenched in bitter cold rain, struggling to stay upright during the Mass as blistering winds hit me like someone was shoving me from all sides. The gusts would momentarily disrupt the audio of the broadcast. From where I was, there were parts of the Mass that I could no longer hear because the 80 mph sustained winds of typhoon Amang (Mekkhala) howled louder than the sound coming from the speakers. 


God Sends His Angels

Several days prior to our flight, I got in touch with one of the monsignors who was a member of the committee for the Leyte papal events, to assist us in getting a car pass. Our team from the Diocese of Cubao Media and Communications ministry would be there, too. I was told we would be getting our car passes. But when we arrived in Tacloban, due to unforeseen circumstances, the driver of our rented van couldn't come pick us up. The van had to be parked a good distance from the airport. I was able to get in touch with the priest with whom I will be getting the car passes from, but then security did not allow me to leave the airport premises not until the pope was in the area where he will be celebrating Mass. 

Prayer was my only recourse. I asked God to send people who will help us. Again, God did not disappoint. I whispered a prayer of thanksgiving for His providence.


The God of Surprises

Being there with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda... to have the Holy Father in solidarity with all of us...  to be buffeted by strong winds alongside them... to cry with them during the Eucharistic celebration... I cannot actually find the perfect words to describe what I felt. But one thing I was very sure of: it was not an accident that I was there. God ordained it beforehand that I be on that very spot where I was, to re-encounter Him. It almost felt like being in two places at the same time: be physically standing there drenched in the rain, and basking in the warmth of God's love in His heavenly courts. I felt God embracing me. I felt Mother Mary there with me. 

I was overcome with joy because of God's unfailing love for me and for all of us; for He has seen our troubles and He cared about the anguish of our souls. (Ps 31:7) And Pope Francis was there to make God's love known!

And then it finally sank that that was where God wanted me to be at that very moment. He made things possible for me when things seemed impossible. In my life, the Good Lord has always surprised me with the most wondrous gifts. He has brought me to places beyond my imagination. He has always protected me, has been blessing me exceedingly, and has been enlarging my territory. (1 Chr 4:10). Being in Tacloban that blessed day, God has once again done far more abundantly for me, beyond what I asked for in prayer!

All glory, honor, and praise be unto Almighty God alone!

"Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum"

I love to quote Saint John Paul II when he said that "In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences."

Just recently, I met a religious sister who told me to always remember my first yes to God, as I will find in it the resolve and the strength to persevere in fighting the good fight till the very end, especially in times of trials and struggles.

God has required my "yeses" so many times. At first I would resist a bit, but then I could not just find it in my heart to say no to Him.

The most pivotal of all those yeses happened more than two years ago. I spent Holy Week for the first time in the United States and spent Good Friday in Chicago. I sorely missed the Philippines then, because here, I get to observe the holy in the Semana Santa where we have the Pabasa, the Visita Iglesia, among other pious practices that we have.

I had to do with whatever service the Church in the US had. Good Friday is not even a holiday there. I ached knowing that if one day God will allow me to live there, I will not be having days of observance of the Church's holiest days. 

On that Good Friday in 2012, I was at the Holy Name Cathedral of Chicago, and contemplated on the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Redeemer. In the middle of the Liturgy and before the Veneration of the Cross, I heard the Spirit of God whisper to my heart, "I love you and Am able to give all that you ask. Are you willing to follow Me and carry the cross I shall give you?"

I had many fears and was aware of my own weaknesses. But I answered, "Yes, Lord, here i am. i will follow You."

Inside my head He showed me all that I have been praying for and all that He can give me. I knew that He shall be giving them to me in His time and not in mine.

Our omnipresent God whispered again, "I love you my child. You know that with Me all things are possible, and that even in the blink of an eye, I can give you all that you pray for and desire. But are you willing to wait for My perfect time? Do you trust Me fully? Are you willing to offer sacrifices, carry your cross and suffer for the salvation of others, while you await the fulfillment of My promises to you?"

How do you answer when the Lord asks you these questions?

With resignation in my heart and tears in my eyes, i answered, "Yes Lord, here i am. Make my heart meek and humble. Make my heart like unto Thine."

In my mind I saw women silently crying and being pushed by their circumstances to commit abortion. I saw children being forced to work while their parents neglect them. I saw young people succumb in immorality, vices and addiction. I couldn't help but cry. And I knew God wanted me to cooperate with His will and be one of His instruments to help allay fear and pain in the world.

It was overwhelming. I knew it entailed responsibility and the offering of my entire self. I shook in fear and uncertainty. I felt so unworthy to be called. I felt I was too shattered myself I cannot do much for those who are also suffering.

Finally, the Lord once again reassured me, "I love you, and I can do everything for you and give you that which you most desire..." At that point, I cried uncontrollably. I have this litany of prayers I have been begging the Lord to give me. But serving in Church ministries for a long time, I knew about patiently waiting for God's kairos. The Lord went on to ask me, "Are you willing to wait, carry your cross, commit your life to Me, and trust in My perfect will?"

In my heart of hearts, I borrowed my Sweetest Mother and Queen's reply, "Ecce ancilla Domini. Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum." Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to Thy Word.

I look back today to that fateful day of my yes to God. I look back with happiness and tears of joy where it has taken me in my Faith journey.

Pope Francis reminds me, and all of us, that we are His people on a journey. "When we set out on a journey, when we are on a path, we always discover new things, things which we did not know... Life is a journey toward the fullness of Jesus Christ."

"God is a God of surprises..." (Pope Francis)

There is peace in obedience to the will of God. There is joy in pain (pain of waiting most especially!) But God surprises me with His goodness and mercy! He is never outdone in His generosity and love for me... 

Oh what a journey it has been!

Do What You're Passionate About

In the morning when you wake up, have you ever felt like you wish you did not need to get up to go to work? And when you do get the courage to drag yourself out of bed, do you try to encourage yourself that you can make it through another day, after all, you'd survive?

I have felt that way in the past. There were days it felt like work was forced on me, but I had to do my best anyway because I was entrusted with something that needed to be accomplished. I did not want to disappoint anyone, especially myself. And besides, I didn't want the bills to start piling up. 

I have been working for almost two decades now. And I have had seven (7) different jobs so far. Looking back, I am grateful I got the opportunity to experience them all. I learned a lot along the way. Career-wise, I am sure the world will not applaud me. After all, in that long years in the work force, I am still far from being a board director or a CEO. Honestly, that has never been my goal. Power-driven people might express derision at my lack of drive for success, but that's not just the sort of "high" that will make me feel contented with life.

Of Rainbows, Cobblestones, and Saints

Everything passes... God alone suffices!
Saint Teresa's reminder on a wall at  Ávila

“Nada de turbe, 
nada te espante 
todo se pasa,
Dios no se muda, 
la paciencia todo lo alcanza, quien a Dios tiene nada le falta 
sólo Dios basta!” 
~Saint Teresa of Jesus

One of my most memorable pilgrimages was in 2011, on August 20th. I joined the Ministry of Youth Affairs of the Diocese of Cubao and was among the pilgrims to the XXVI World Youth Day held in Madrid, Spain. That Saturday morning was our "free time". The catechesis sessions and cultural programs ended the day before, and we were allowed to do as we pleased; but  of course we had to bear in mind that we were not there for pleasure. The only schedule ahead was the pilgrim walk to Cuatro Vientos for the vigil with the Pope, but it did not start until two in the afternoon. 

We opted to spend our morning at the UNESCO World Heritage City of Ávila, the walled town of Castilla y León. It was an hour and a half away from Madrid by train. On the way we were awed by the sites of the picturesque landscape, centuries-old stone ramparts, and views of turrets possibly of a medieval castle. It felt like a page from a fairy tale book coming alive before our eyes. 

Overlooking the charming town "outside the walls"

I did not have any expectations for that side-trip except that I wanted to learn more about Saint Teresa and her stunningly beautiful birthplace. But prior to that 3rd European sojourn, I came across a catechesis on the Doctors of the Church given by Pope Benedict XVI in one of his general audiences. The pope said that Saint Teresa lived on two principles: first, that everything in this world will one day pass away, and second, that God is eternal. Her poem Nada de Turbe sums it best: "Let nothing disturb you, Let nothing frighten you. All things are passing away; God never changes. Patience obtains all things. Whoever has God lacks nothing; God alone suffices."

Solo Dios basta! God alone suffices. I pondered on these words and reflected on what very little knowledge I had about the life of Saint Teresa. I prayed for the grace to grow deeper in my relationship with God and go home with reinvigorated Faith. 

"Even the lowly sparrow finds a home for her brood,
and the swallow, a nest for herself
where she may lay her young..."

Saint Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada was born on March 28, 1515. She was raised by well-to-do, pious parents, and as a little girl learned to read pious books. She was however not immune to the lures of the world. She underwent a stage in her life when she became idle, vain, and cold in her devotion. She found herself not having pleasure in prayer, and was discouraged by periods of spiritual aridity. She confessed to being disobedient and ungrateful to God. Sincerely repenting after realizing her sins, she resolved to persevere in her zeal towards the path to virtue and perfection. She loved the Lord with all the strength of her heart until she attained the grace of  transverberation, or mystical union with God. Her incorruptible heart is preserved in a reliquary in a Carmelite convent in Alba de Tormes. She said she owed her conversion to Saint Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is an inspiration we can all imitate in fighting the good fight till the end, with our eyes fixed on Jesus who is the author and perfecter of faith. 

Saint Teresa lived a life in evangelical poverty, detached from the possessions that the world offered her, and was concerned primarily with her personal relationship and friendship with the Lord, which she expressed in her service and unconditional love for the Church, the body of Christ. In her I find an example of someone who acknowledged her trust and total dependence on Divine Providence. She reminded me of the primacy of seeking first the kingdom of God over the pursuit of wealth, prestige and power. 

Plaza de Santa Teresa, and Gate Alcazar

It was overwhelming to be there, and I later realized it was a major turning point in my life. I was not prepared to hear what God wanted me to do next. I have been serving in Church ministries for several years and somehow, deep inside, I knew sooner or later God would uproot me and plant me in another soil where I can grow more and bear much fruit for His Kingdom. I was not just expecting it anytime sooner.

I had my own plans. I was pressuring myself to accomplish all that I had set in my timetable. I am not actually the success-driven type, but I had goals I wanted fulfilled soon! Prior to the trip, I was deliberating on whether I should go back to school, have a career change, or do something radical with my life. But the Lord had His way! With my consent of course. God, in His unfathomable and unconditional love for me, did not force me to agree with what He wanted for me. He allowed me to make my own choices, and waited patiently until I willingly embraced His plans for me. It was quite a long process of discernment, but I wouldn't want it any other way because of the invaluable lessons I learned.

We visited a museum that kept the reliquary of one of her fingers. Displayed there are some manuscripts, her rosary, a sole of her sandals, among other precious relics, including that of her friend and confessor, Saint John of the Cross. A few feet from the museum was the Baroque-style Convent of Saint Teresa, built on the site of her birthplace. I marveled at the magnificent sculptures and paintings inside. In great awe at the wondrous gifts from God who made everything I saw there possible, I spent time on my knees in prayer. Saint Teresa, through her writings, emphasized that we must persevere in prayer. "God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres. He will by little and little strengthen that soul, so that it may come forth victorious", she said. But other than the graces we receive, prayer is our means of communication with God. It is indeed a blessing to know that I shall never ever be alone because I have Jesus who is not only my Savior and King, but also my greatest Friend!

With some of the pilgrims from the Diocese of Cubao

As I explored the cobblestone streets of the quaint town where Saint Teresa once walked on, I expressed my fears and uncertainties to God. I knew that He always knows and understands my innermost being, my thoughts and my desires, more than I ever can. I felt so unworthy and told Him I didn't feel equipped. But God lovingly assured me that He is going to be in control. I only have to trust Him fully.

There are only two things, if I'd ever ask for a sign, that I request the Lord to give me should I need a reassurance : a shooting star or a rainbow. That day in Avila, as I begged God to guide me in the next steps I am going to take, I gazed towards the heavens in fervent supplication. Lo and behold, a rainbow! With tears of joy, all I could whisper to God was Thank You and I love You! 

I thanked Saint Teresa, who I knew interceded for me, too! I imagined her telling me, in her own words, "Trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Be content knowing you are a child of God."

I couldn't ask for anything more!

My Avila Rainbow
"My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky..."

Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry

I have always believed that nothing happens to us in life unless God wills it so. Yes, we have our free will and we make our own choices, but it is with great conviction that I know our Loving Almighty Father always watches over us. “For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” (Psalm 91:11)

Today, on the feast of Saint Padre Pio, I reminisce and reflect on my visit to San Giovanni Rotondo in the summer of 2011. The experience left an indelible mark on my soul.

It was weeks after weeks after World Youth Day Madrid. I went on a pilgrimage to several religious sites, Lourdes and Lisieux among them, and was at the end of my European sojourn. I visited relatives in Milan, and instead of flying straight to Manila, I decided to pay Padre Pio a visit.  

Milano Centrale. Photo © en.wikipedia.org

I did a little research on how to go around Padre Pio’s town. I was scheduled to leave Milano Centrale on August 31st, a little past 11pm and was expected to arrive Foggia at around 7 in the morning the next day. My aunt prepared packed breakfast for me (chicken adobo and rice), and my cousin ensured I had enough supply of water and snacks till I reach Fiumicino (in Rome). My aunt was not totally in favor of me travelling alone to an unfamiliar town. I did not speak the language. And I did not know anyone in San Giovanni Rotondo. But I assured her that I wouldn’t be entirely alone ~ I have my guardian angel to protect me, and Padre Pio to pray for me. 

My bus ticket to San Giovanni Rotondo; 
and a souvenir calendar.

Inside the night train, I barely even had forty winks. I used the time to pray several decades of the rosary and process everything I had been learning in that particular trip. I was inside a cabin for 6, with all male passengers except myself. At day break, when everyone started to wake up from a peaceful slumber, the Italians took notice that I was l'unica donna (the only lady), and got me engaged in conversation thanks to a younger passenger beside me who spoke comprehensible English! They gave me tips for my solo pilgrimage, and asked that I include them in prayers, saying that God knows who they are, and what the desires of their hearts are. A reminder on the lesson on charity: to always pray for others.

I arrived at Foggia around 7:30 in the morning. I freshened up before going to the bus stop that would take me to San Giovanni Rotondo. It wouldn’t leave till 8:15am. The Sita bus ride, according to one of my train cabin mates, would be about an hour. On the way, I sat by the window side to take in the beauty of that Italian city. From a distance was the Gargano Mountains, where San Giovanni Rotondo is. It felt like I was going to burst with excitement. 

(L-R) Entrance to the old Church of 
Holy Mary of Grace and the sanctuary inside

The Chiesa delle Santa Marie della Grazie (Church of Holy Mary of Grace) is atop a hill. The old church was where Padre Pio used to celebrate the Holy Mass, but due to the increasing number of pilgrims each year, the Santuario de Padre Pio was built beside it. As I entered its wooden door, it felt like coming home. I always have this sense of being welcome every single time I enter a church. I can spend hours and hours inside, contemplating the immeasurable love of God for me and for mankind! What a lovely way to end my European trip ~ to be in the house of God, to spend time adoring Him, together with His Mother Mary and servant Padre Pio!

I cannot remember exactly how long I spent inside the church, praying for my loved ones, for my country, for the world, and for my personal intentions. I even had the time to put all my prayer intentions in writing and drop it in one of the prayer boxes inside. 

It felt like a taste of a piece of heaven here on earth just being there. I can only imagine what God’s kingdom would be like; I am certain it’s going to surpass my expectations!

(L) Main Altar inside the Santuario de Padre Pio; and (R) details

I have to specially note that I absolutely loved the statue of Our Lady of Grace! There was that mother-son intimacy in the way the Blessed Virgin and the baby Jesus was depicted. Mother Mary had a faint smile on her face, and sadness in her eyes, too. Oh such sorrow and anguish she must have felt, knowing how her precious Son would suffer and die on the Cross. Yet she surrendered to the will of God, and believed with trust, courage and love that echoed her fiat until the very end.

I visited the crypt just below the Santa Maria delle Grazie Church, where Padre Pio’s body used to lie. He had an unfulfilled wish ~ “When I die I wish to be buried underground, because I am a worm, a great sinner.” His body is now inside the golden crypt of the Padre Pio pilgrimage church. 40 years after his death on September 23, 1968, his remains were found incorruptible on March 02, 2008.

The statue of Santa Maria delle Grazie

Around noon, my stomach started to grumble. (I opted a granola bar and water for breakfast). I tried to walk around the vicinity of the church but did not find a shaded area where I can eat lunch. Still inside the old church, I saw a nun and politely asked her if she spoke English. She replied in Filipino, to my utter joy I almost hugged her! She took me to a café downhill from the shrine, where I willingly shared my food with her. 

Over lunch, she told me how she has been inspired by Padre Pio’s simplicity and love for God. Padre Pio was known to have been a man of prayer who prayed almost continuously. Bearing the stigmata, his health declined, and yet he offered his sufferings to God for the conversion of souls. Sr. Marlyn Castor of the Congregation of the Sisters of the Holy Spirit in Ulpiani,  also shared that Padre Pio’s witness of the Love of God was almost palpable because of his humility and total submission to the will of God. 

Padre Pio's confessional. 
He had the gift to "read hearts"

Padre Pio used to say, "Unite yourself to my prayers... Pray, pray to the Lord with me, because the whole world needs prayer. And every day, when your heart especially feels the loneliness of life, pray. Pray to the Lord, because even God needs our prayers." He also encouraged his parishioners to pray for souls; "We must empty Purgatory with our prayers", he said.

I enjoyed my conversation with Sr. Marlyn about life, faith and even love. I told her someday I want to return to San Giovanni Rotondo again. Next time, mainly to thank Padre Pio for interceding for me. She told me to "Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." Sr. Marlyn said, if it's meant to be, there is no way we can escape from God's will. I cannot even hide inside the belly of a whale!

Padre Pio Pilgrimage Church, 
dedicated on July 01, 2004.

Time and again, I have proven the power of prayer and the perfect timing of Divine Providence. God's generosity can never be outdone. And how amazing are His surprises, too! Sr. Marlyn was one of my earth angels that day. It was a wonderful blessing to have gained another precious friend. I also met some sisters from the Suore dell'Immacolata di Santa Chiara. I was spiritually refreshed and nourished and felt God’s love through the people He sent to me. 

What of my misadventures? Imagine going around a quaint Italian town pulling your 20-kilogram suitcase. Yup, I did just that. I won’t go through the details but I did learn from that experience, too.

Sr. Perpetua of Suore dell'Immacolata di Santa Chiara beside me,
and the Sr. Marlyn (in white habit).

What has Padre Pio taught me during my visit to his town?

In his words, “You must always humble yourself lovingly before God and before men, because God speaks only to those who are truly humble and He enriches them with His gifts. The Lord is willing to do great things, but on condition that we are truly humble.”

"Stairway to heaven." 
From the crypt of the new church 
going back to the old shrine.

“Don’t allow any sadness to dwell in your soul, for sadness prevents the Holy Spirit from acting freely. Live in such a way that your Heavenly Father may be proud of you, as he is proud of so many other chosen souls.”

A painting inside the Santuario de Padre Pio.
(Quotations added.)