Am I a Stepping Stone or a Stumbling Block?

"A thousand times I've failed still Your mercy remains. Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace..."

Photo Credit: Carla Arizala-Protesta

This song has been playing on repeat in my head for days on end! It's been playing like a broken record that I had to consciously sing another song out loud in an attempt to change it, but it didn't really work. (I am not a singer. I'm glad the earth has not opened and swallowed me yet!)

The over-thinker that I am, I decided to turn my thoughts to prayer, and talked to the Blessed Virgin Mary about all these things on my mind. (No matter what non-Catholics say about Her, I am confident that we can never ever go wrong when we ask the Mother of Jesus our Lord for guidance!)

I arrived in church a few minutes early before the evening Mass, and took in every precious moment to gaze upon Our Lady's resplendent beauty. I blinked, and that song played in my head again. This time, the song stopped right at the part that says, "should I stumble again..."

I prayed and reflected on the rest of the song... 

I stumble all the time, yet His grace picks me up and allows me to stand up again. Where my feet fail, God is always there to guide me. (I borrowed that from another song!) I fall short miserably at many things, yet every single time I run back to the Father, He forgives this daughter of His. No questions; He just opens His arms and welcomes me into His loving embrace.

I closed my eyes and thought about the things that make me stumble; when I did, I saw the sorrowful faces of Jesus and His Mother... 

And I got to thinking... I stumble. All the time! But then, what have I been doing to cause others to stumble and sin???

Have I been kinder today? Did I stop what I was doing to help someone who had an urgent need? Have I been gentler with my words? Did I spend longer hours to pray for those who need prayers the most? Am I generous enough? Did I go the extra mile to help a friend? Do I love selflessly? Have I caused someone to stray away from his/her own path? 

I thought of Saint Peter ~ Jesus' devoted disciple, the rock upon which He built His Church, and for a moment, His stumbling block too! (Matthew 16:18 and 16:23)

  

When I am stubborn, when I don't trust and obey, when my opinions matter most than what I know God would say ~ I am not just impacting my own life and my purpose, but I am also definitely impacting the Body of Christ! (Such a daunting reality!) I intend to fulfill God's purpose for my life, but I must also consider that the choices I make affect the collective purpose of God for all of us! 

Am I a stepping stone for others? Or am I a stumbling block?  

Do I let God mold me and place me where He wants me to be? If I don't let God shape me "for the right fit", I will become displaced. And I end up falling to a place I am not intended to be; thus, I create a stumbling hazard for the people around me.   

I prayed and asked for the grace to remain rooted in Christ to be able to encourage others... to build others up in the faith... to help others to do what is right according to God's will... to seek not only my own good, but the good of others most of all. I asked Mother Mary to pray for me. Her fiat was an example to trust and to draw closer to God, and to draw others to Christ her Son. (She is after all our model par excellence, of total trust, pure love, and service!)

I got back to the song, just before the Eucharistic celebration started...

"Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise...  

My heart and my soul, I give You control, consume me from the inside out Lord…”

Look Up, and Love!

I spent my Saturday once again in "my sanctuary",  at the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary- La Naval de Manila. I usually sit in one of the pews right in front of the altar where Our Lady is. But today, I sat near the left corridor where I had a good view of all the stained glass windows and paintings that adorn this "church of my youth".

No matter how many times I have been there, I could not help but always look up, and marvel at each sacred art therein.

Today was one of those days... and somehow, it warmed my heart as rays of the midday sun shone through the stained-glass windows toward my face. It felt as if the light of God pierced right through me. I needed that badly. (I had to pray not to be distracted as I was actually there attending the Mass...) 

Lately, I sometimes feel that I am teetering at the brink of a crisis in faith... Ah, no problem about the Catholic doctrine and dogma that I hold to be true... It's just my humanity sometimes getting very much affected and morally scandalized by the bad behaviour of those who I expect to best live out the Gospel. When I find myself right at the verge of despair, I thank God that He always, always comes to the rescue!

I needed some reassurance today, because I just received news that a dear friend has breast cancer. Another close friend is going through her own tempests of suffering in her family life, and I feel helpless that I cannot do much to help her. And then, I have been chronically ill with asthma. 

In my terribly shattered heart, I could not help but question God why He is allowing so much suffering in the world... I wondered, why has that old lady been outside the church and is not being cared for by her family, and has been out there begging for alms? I asked why that young boy was alone sleeping under the afternoon sun on the overpass, and without a home, and probably even without a family?  I thought about young children, victims of violence, and witnesses of how their loved ones have been slaughtered right before their eyes. I felt pain in my heart just imagining the grief of fathers, mothers, and children whose family members have died in the battle against illegal drugs. Ah, the suffering all around me seemed endless... It was too excruciating that it overwhelmed me! Tempted to give up and leave everything  behind, I had to hold on to whatever little hope was left in me. 

So I looked up, stared, and found in my heart that sense of childlike awe.

Every chance I get to marvel at the little things that God has so thoughtfully and lovingly created,  I do make sure to savor each moment. In my life, I have learned to look for God in beauty ~ that beauty that leads me to the transcendent, and inspires me to love  Him  more; He who made all things wonderful.

So while looking up and admiring the sacred art at Santo Domingo, fully aware that the hands that created them were given artistic talents by God, I was reminded of what Saint Catherine of Siena said in her book The Dialogue: "The human heart is drawn by love." 

I am drawn by Him who is Love and Beauty Himself... He who created me in love. Thank God there is still beauty all around me that reminds me that He loves me tenderly; that He loves each of us unconditionally. I am sure that one day, when I behold God in heaven, all the beauty that I have seen and admired on earth shall pale in comparison to His glory. But I am thankful that I am given a glimpse of that eternal beauty right here, right now. I had to allow myself time and again to be drawn by His love. There is nowhere else I can actually run to, but to Him alone.

I looked up again. I looked up, and then focused my eyes toward the tabernacle, and I remembered Beauty that comes to me every day at Mass... I remembered how He comes to me in bread and wine,  and how, because of His love for man, the gifts of the earth become His very Body and Blood. 

And I came to my senses. 

Christ died in my place, in our place, in order that we may live. Difficult as it is to love my own crosses, I know there is no other way that I may be united in Jesus unless I bear by crosses and choose to triumph.  Oh yes, all is grace, but I must first wish it within myself to want so much to overcome, and to persevere. Life is made of many choices after all. I can always choose a different path, but God has been gracious and merciful, and thus I always muster the courage to be firm in the faith. 

God the Father, in The Dialogue, told Saint Catherine, "The soul cannot live without love. She always wants to love something because love is the stuff she is made of, and through love I created her." 

I know, I will still have to weather many storms in life. But thank God for the grace to see His Love manifest all around me. I only have to keep on looking up, and Love will always keep me close.

___________

Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary-La Naval de Manila, our dearest Mother, pray for us.
Holy Father Dominic de Guzman, and Saint Catherine of Siena, pray for me, and for all of us. Amen.