Am I a Stepping Stone or a Stumbling Block?

"A thousand times I've failed still Your mercy remains. Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace..."

Photo Credit: Carla Arizala-Protesta

This song has been playing on repeat in my head for days on end! It's been playing like a broken record that I had to consciously sing another song out loud in an attempt to change it, but it didn't really work. (I am not a singer. I'm glad the earth has not opened and swallowed me yet!)

The over-thinker that I am, I decided to turn my thoughts to prayer, and talked to the Blessed Virgin Mary about all these things on my mind. (No matter what non-Catholics say about Her, I am confident that we can never ever go wrong when we ask the Mother of Jesus our Lord for guidance!)

I arrived in church a few minutes early before the evening Mass, and took in every precious moment to gaze upon Our Lady's resplendent beauty. I blinked, and that song played in my head again. This time, the song stopped right at the part that says, "should I stumble again..."

I prayed and reflected on the rest of the song... 

I stumble all the time, yet His grace picks me up and allows me to stand up again. Where my feet fail, God is always there to guide me. (I borrowed that from another song!) I fall short miserably at many things, yet every single time I run back to the Father, He forgives this daughter of His. No questions; He just opens His arms and welcomes me into His loving embrace.

I closed my eyes and thought about the things that make me stumble; when I did, I saw the sorrowful faces of Jesus and His Mother... 

And I got to thinking... I stumble. All the time! But then, what have I been doing to cause others to stumble and sin???

Have I been kinder today? Did I stop what I was doing to help someone who had an urgent need? Have I been gentler with my words? Did I spend longer hours to pray for those who need prayers the most? Am I generous enough? Did I go the extra mile to help a friend? Do I love selflessly? Have I caused someone to stray away from his/her own path? 

I thought of Saint Peter ~ Jesus' devoted disciple, the rock upon which He built His Church, and for a moment, His stumbling block too! (Matthew 16:18 and 16:23)

  

When I am stubborn, when I don't trust and obey, when my opinions matter most than what I know God would say ~ I am not just impacting my own life and my purpose, but I am also definitely impacting the Body of Christ! (Such a daunting reality!) I intend to fulfill God's purpose for my life, but I must also consider that the choices I make affect the collective purpose of God for all of us! 

Am I a stepping stone for others? Or am I a stumbling block?  

Do I let God mold me and place me where He wants me to be? If I don't let God shape me "for the right fit", I will become displaced. And I end up falling to a place I am not intended to be; thus, I create a stumbling hazard for the people around me.   

I prayed and asked for the grace to remain rooted in Christ to be able to encourage others... to build others up in the faith... to help others to do what is right according to God's will... to seek not only my own good, but the good of others most of all. I asked Mother Mary to pray for me. Her fiat was an example to trust and to draw closer to God, and to draw others to Christ her Son. (She is after all our model par excellence, of total trust, pure love, and service!)

I got back to the song, just before the Eucharistic celebration started...

"Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise...  

My heart and my soul, I give You control, consume me from the inside out Lord…”

"Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum"

I love to quote Saint John Paul II when he said that "In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences."

Just recently, I met a religious sister who told me to always remember my first yes to God, as I will find in it the resolve and the strength to persevere in fighting the good fight till the very end, especially in times of trials and struggles.

God has required my "yeses" so many times. At first I would resist a bit, but then I could not just find it in my heart to say no to Him.

The most pivotal of all those yeses happened more than two years ago. I spent Holy Week for the first time in the United States and spent Good Friday in Chicago. I sorely missed the Philippines then, because here, I get to observe the holy in the Semana Santa where we have the Pabasa, the Visita Iglesia, among other pious practices that we have.

I had to do with whatever service the Church in the US had. Good Friday is not even a holiday there. I ached knowing that if one day God will allow me to live there, I will not be having days of observance of the Church's holiest days. 

On that Good Friday in 2012, I was at the Holy Name Cathedral of Chicago, and contemplated on the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Redeemer. In the middle of the Liturgy and before the Veneration of the Cross, I heard the Spirit of God whisper to my heart, "I love you and Am able to give all that you ask. Are you willing to follow Me and carry the cross I shall give you?"

I had many fears and was aware of my own weaknesses. But I answered, "Yes, Lord, here i am. i will follow You."

Inside my head He showed me all that I have been praying for and all that He can give me. I knew that He shall be giving them to me in His time and not in mine.

Our omnipresent God whispered again, "I love you my child. You know that with Me all things are possible, and that even in the blink of an eye, I can give you all that you pray for and desire. But are you willing to wait for My perfect time? Do you trust Me fully? Are you willing to offer sacrifices, carry your cross and suffer for the salvation of others, while you await the fulfillment of My promises to you?"

How do you answer when the Lord asks you these questions?

With resignation in my heart and tears in my eyes, i answered, "Yes Lord, here i am. Make my heart meek and humble. Make my heart like unto Thine."

In my mind I saw women silently crying and being pushed by their circumstances to commit abortion. I saw children being forced to work while their parents neglect them. I saw young people succumb in immorality, vices and addiction. I couldn't help but cry. And I knew God wanted me to cooperate with His will and be one of His instruments to help allay fear and pain in the world.

It was overwhelming. I knew it entailed responsibility and the offering of my entire self. I shook in fear and uncertainty. I felt so unworthy to be called. I felt I was too shattered myself I cannot do much for those who are also suffering.

Finally, the Lord once again reassured me, "I love you, and I can do everything for you and give you that which you most desire..." At that point, I cried uncontrollably. I have this litany of prayers I have been begging the Lord to give me. But serving in Church ministries for a long time, I knew about patiently waiting for God's kairos. The Lord went on to ask me, "Are you willing to wait, carry your cross, commit your life to Me, and trust in My perfect will?"

In my heart of hearts, I borrowed my Sweetest Mother and Queen's reply, "Ecce ancilla Domini. Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum." Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to Thy Word.

I look back today to that fateful day of my yes to God. I look back with happiness and tears of joy where it has taken me in my Faith journey.

Pope Francis reminds me, and all of us, that we are His people on a journey. "When we set out on a journey, when we are on a path, we always discover new things, things which we did not know... Life is a journey toward the fullness of Jesus Christ."

"God is a God of surprises..." (Pope Francis)

There is peace in obedience to the will of God. There is joy in pain (pain of waiting most especially!) But God surprises me with His goodness and mercy! He is never outdone in His generosity and love for me... 

Oh what a journey it has been!