God Who Suffers With Us

Part 2 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

The Eucharistic Celebration with Pope Francis

I have deep admiration for all the people who attended the Mass in Tacloban. I was in Luneta the following day, and I cannot help but compare how more reverent and more solemn the Eucharistic celebration was in Leyte. I was only able to reach a certain area, one of the quadrants nearest the media platform far back facing the altar, and yet as I walked around, I observed that everyone was in a prayerful mood. No one was holding up his/her cellular phone. Not one! Instead, most were clutching their rosaries. I felt embarrassed to bring my phone out to take pictures, not where everyone were so focused on what was happening in front.

There was just too much to take-in during the Mass at the airport. I tried to strike a conversation with a couple beside me who came all the way from Borongan, Samar, and had been in the area since the previous night. I wanted to ask more questions, but they seemed to be deeply moved by the mere presence of Pope Francis that they were barely able to answer me. At that point, I decided, I will also actively participate in the Eucharistic celebration. Never-mind if I don't get to interview anyone attending the papal Mass about their own experiences and reflections. Never mind if I do not get to take pictures. I thought, maybe I still have time to do that a little later. 

When the Gospel was proclaimed, I felt my heartbeat go faster, and I braced myself. I knew I could not stop my lacrimal gland from producing tears once Pope Francis delivers his words of comfort. He travelled that far just to be with those people present there. Those people were the primary reason he decided to come to the Philippines. 

Pope Francis' moving homily 
(Delivered originally in Spanish)

"We have a high priest who is capable of sympathizing with our weaknesses. But one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. Jesus is like us. Jesus lived like us and is the same as us in every respect, except sin, because He was not a sinner. But to be more like us He assumed our condition and our sin. He made Himself unto sin. This is what Saint Paul tells us.

And Jesus always goes before us. And when we pass an experience, a cross, He passed there before us. And if today we find ourselves fourteen months afterwards here, fourteen months precisely after the typhoon Yolanda hit, it is because we have a security of knowing that we're not going to weaken in our Faith, because Jesus has been here before us. In His passion He assumed all our pain. 

I'd like to tell you something close to my heart. When I saw from Rome the catastrophe, I felt that I had to be here. And on those very days, I decided to come here. I'm here to be with you ~ a little bit late, I have to say, but I'm here." 

Panoramic shot of the people in attendance at the papal Mass
 held at the Tacloban Airport last 17 January, 2015

I tend to cry easily. More so lately, whenever I hear stories of loss and survival related to typhoon Yolanda. I have heard the harrowing stories of strangers-turned-friends who survived the super typhoon. I have seen them cry, even after more than a year. I know it's nothing compared to what the survivors of typhoon Yolanda had gone through, but I experienced how it felt to be battered by a storm, especially while in Leyte. I was in Alang-alang, about 20 minutes away from Palo, when tropical storm Seniang (Jangmi) made a landfall in late December of 2014. 

By the time Pope Francis humbly apologized for coming late, I was crying a river; good thing the rain masked my stream of tears.

There I was, in solidarity with the survivors of tyhpoon Yolanda. I cannot, even now, describe accurately what it felt to be there. The people were intrepid. They were undeterred in their resolve to attend the Mass, unworried (at least as I perceived them) by the imminent onslaught of typhoon Amang. And the pope, buffeted by the rain, was one of us, too!


Emmanuel, God with Us

"I've come to tell you that Jesus is Lord and He never lets us down. Father, you might say to me -- I was let down because I've lost so many things, my house, my livelihood... It's true, if you would say that, and I respect those sentiments. But Jesus there nailed to the cross, and from there, He does not let us down. He was consecrated as Lord on that throne, and there He experienced all calamities that we experienced. Jesus is Lord, and the Lord from the Cross is there for you. Therefore He is capable of understanding us, as we heard in the First Reading. In everything, He is the same as us. That is why we have a Lord who is capable of crying with us, capable of walking with us in the most difficult moments of life.

So many of you have lost everything. I don't know what to say to you. But the Lord does know what to say to you. Some of you have lost part of your families. All I can do is keep silence. And I walk with you all with my silent heart."

(L) The Crucifix at the altar in the Tacloban Mass;
(R) Pope Francis points to Jesus on the Cross, who suffers with all of us.

I thought, it really must be a blessing in disguise to celebrate the Mass even during that torrential rain. For sure, Pope Francis and his entourage have never experienced a battering downpour. I overheard from one among those from the media platform that it was suggested to Pope Francis to celebrate the Mass inside a chapel where he won't get wet, and it will be shown in the big LED screens outside, but he insisted to be one with the people. Under the drenching rain that made me shiver to the bones, I felt a surging warmth in my being upon hearing what I heard. Our Holy Father wanted to share in the sufferings and struggles of the people of Leyte and Samar. The presence of the Vicar of Christ in our midst was a reassurance that truly God is with us in our sufferings. 

God is with us in the tempests that batter our lives. We have all cried out to God and questioned Him why He allows suffering and pain. But Pope Francis has reminded us all that God is able to bring about good from something evil ~ Jesus Himself carried His Cross on Good Friday and brought forth victory over death on Resurrection Sunday. God the Father showed His deep love for us by sending His only Son to suffer and die that we may truly live.

"Many of you have asked the Lord, 'Why, Lord?' And to each of you, to your heart, Christ responds from His heart upon the Cross. I have no more words to tell you. Let us look to Christ. He is the Lord. He understands because He underwent all the trials that we, or you, have experienced."

Sometimes, when we are overcome with heart-wrenching pain, we cry like Jesus, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  But in the Mass, Pope Francis reminded us all that God is truly Emmanuel. From the Cross, Jesus knows our pain, our loss, our frustrations, and our disappointments. He is one of us, even in suffering and death. In embracing our heartaches and sufferings, and offering them back to Almighty God, we are able to participate in the mystery of Christ's Passion.  

Suffering, according to Saint Paul, also sanctifies us. We are "burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope." (2 Corinthians 1:11)

In my head I thought of all those people who I know have suffered so much, have lost so much, and yet have also endured and persevered in the Faith. Their strength is truly inspiring. 

Jesus gave us His Mother Mary to be our Mother too

"Please know that the love and tenderness
of  Mother Mary never lets you down."

"And beside the cross was His Mother. We are like this little child, just there. In the moments when you have so much pain, when we no longer understand anything, all we can do is grab hold of Her hand firmly and say, 'Mom', as a child does to her mother when he or she feels fear. 

It is perhaps the only word that we can say in such difficult times. 'Mother. Mum...' Let us together hold a moment of silence. Let us look to the Christ on the Cross. He understands us because He endured everything. Let us look to our Mother, and like that little child, let us grab hold of Her mantle, and with a true heart say 'Mother'... 

In silence, let us say this prayer; say to the Mother what you feel in your hearts..."

At that point, I remember bowing my head, unable to stop the tears. I allowed myself to weep. But I knew I was not alone in crying. The people in that field were crying their hearts out to God too, albeit in silence. I suddenly remembered a dream I once had, in which Mother Mary took me into Her arms, embraced me, then allowed me to sit on Her lap. 

In whispers, I prayed for the people there. I prayed for those who died, especially during the recent calamities that wreaked havoc upon our country. I prayed for my family, my relatives, and all those I love. I prayed for the sick, the lonely, the alone. I prayed for friends and strangers, and especially the nameless people who had helped me one way or the other. I thought of mothers contemplating abortion, and prayed that they would choose life instead. I thought of abandoned children and elderly men and women in the streets who have no one to look after them. I prayed for people blinded by their power and wealth that they may find in Jesus their real treasure. I prayed for those whose hearts have hardened and  have become incapable of being vulnerable to love again. There were just too many people to pray for. I allowed my tears to flow, and begged the Holy Spirit to cry out to God all those unspoken prayers I could no longer express from my heart. I offered all my pain, my fears, my uncertainties, my doubts. I offered to God all my sins. my flaws, and my weaknesses. I surrendered my heart, my soul, my entire being to my most loving and Almighty God!

"Let us know that we have Mother Mary, and our senior brother, our Great Brother Jesus. We are not alone. We also have many brothers who in this moment of catastrophe came to help you. And we too, because of this, we feel more brothers and sisters because we helped each other.

This is what comes from my heart, and forgive me if I have no other words to express this. But please know Jesus never lets you down. Please know that the love and tenderness of Mother Mary never lets you down. And holding on to Her mantle and with the power that comes from Jesus' love on the cross, let us move forward, always forward, and walk together as brothers and sisters in the Lord forward. Thank you very much."

Encountering Jesus

In a homily given by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI on Divine Mercy Sunday in 2012, he said that "Christian worship is not just a commemoration of past events, or even a particular mystical, interior experience, but essentially an encounter with the Risen Lord." He said that in the Mass, Jesus "lives in the dimension of God, beyond space and time."  Jesus is truly present among us, as "He speaks to us in Scripture and breaks for us the bread of eternal life."

Being there in Tacloban City for the Mass with the people who survived typhoon Yolanda, and to have Pope Francis with us, felt like a foretaste of heaven. In my head I saw what it would be like to be before God in His kingdom. I imagined the seven choirs of angels all around us, praising and glorifying God unceasingly. Of course, Mother Mary, Saint Joseph, and all God's holy saints will be there too. In the cold, I felt God's love and embrace. It had been days of anxiety and sleepless nights prior to the papal visit, and right there during the Mass, Jesus has embraced me and assured me of His mercy and compassion. 

God has filled my being with love, and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, has guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

When God Makes A Way

Part 1 of My Reflections About My Tacloban Trip

Pope Francis' infectious smile!
Filipinos affectionately call him "Lolo Kiko"
(Grandpa Francis)
Photo credit : http://edition.cnn.com/

For several days now, I have been attempting to write about my trip to Tacloban City last January 17, 2015; a most blessed day when Pope Francis celebrated the Holy Mass with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda. It felt restrictive to have to write about a very profound experience in a limited number of words. I tried several times, but tears would flow first that I would end up not being able to organize my thoughts. I would get the mixed emotions of feeling so unworthy and yet also feeling so humbled by the fact (and blessing) that God made it possible for me to be physically there with the people of Leyte and Samar.

I was supposed to submit an article to be posted in the Diocese of Cubao's website. But I needed to stick to a 500-word piece, and not write in the first person. I tried several times, but was not making any progress. I told myself, if I am to process my experiences there, I needed to just let the thoughts and emotions flow.

My blog is the perfect avenue for that. I deemed it necessary to make my reflections in three parts, because even I get too overwhelmed. This is the first of three.

God called, I answered.

When I volunteered as a writer six months ago with the official #PapalVisitPH media team under the CBCP, all I wanted was to be able to use this talent that God gave me and use it for His greater glory. I do not have Journalism credentials to boast of. I do not have an exemplary writing style, nor do I have an extensive vocabulary. During the course of the preparations, I would often feel out of place when attending meetings, and so I silently asked God several times in prayer if I heard Him correctly when He told me to go where He leads. My fellow volunteers were mostly experts in their fields ~ trained and experienced writers and bloggers, professors, veteran news anchors, editors, graphic artists, professional photographers and videographers. 

I am a nobody. It was worse because somehow, that  was how I felt I was being treated: that I am a nobody who has nothing new or good to offer; that they are more deserving than I was because they know what they are doing; they are learned and more informed, and I was not. My feeling of unworthiness almost always brought me to tears; and the Holy Spirit would be my consoler. God tirelessly reassured me that He wanted me to accomplish something for Him, that I was where He wanted me to be; and I only had to trust Him. 

Papal Visit Assignments

As early as July 2014, we were given briefings as to what we will be doing as volunteers. (Sadly, I have to admit, the mainstream media does not always give an accurate and unbiased reporting. More often than not, the media is out there like a mighty predator ready to devour the Catholic Church once they see a flaw or weakness.) The mission of the Papal Visit PH Media was to give the Church's perspective of the things and events that will unfold in the course prior to, during, and even after the pontiff's apostolic and state visit. It is the successor of Peter we are talking about after all. One builds up members of his/her family, not put them down. That's what we were set out to do: build up the members of Holy Mother Church through another Petrine encounter after 20 years.

We were assigned to do research about the venues where papal events will be held. We were told of these places earlier, so we could prepare articles about them even before they were publicly announced. The Palo Cathedral and the Pope Francis Center for the Poor were the first of my assignments.

I wondered then, would I also be assigned to go to Leyte when Pope Francis comes?

We were told that if we wanted to be in the venues to cover the events, we would have to shoulder our own expenses. In my case, since I wanted to be in Palo, I was told that I had to pay for my own plane fare. I actually was praying for the Lord to make a way for me to be able to go back to Leyte, especially when Pope Francis visits. I was thinking, I could still use my ticket allocation. (I was with PAL for several years and still have free-ticket privileges) 

There were uncertainties. As a volunteer, I could not simply decide to go anywhere I pleased, because I would have to anticipate that there would be tasks assigned to me, or places and events that I would have to cover. And being an ex-airline reservations-sales employee, I knew that I won't be prioritized at the check-in counter if I were to use my ex-airline employee privileges. I could get bumped-off. Other than that, I was not sure if my schedule at work would allow me to travel.


The Special Philippine Airlines flight

Shepherd One in Tacloban airport

Some people I know tried to book their own flights to get to Tacloban to attend the papal Mass there, and to come back to Manila that same day. Initially, I, too, made plans with my family. We have relatives in Alang-alang and Palo. But the Civil Aviation Authority of the Philippines implemented a no-fly zone in the air spaces of Manila, Tacloban and Palo, especially while the pope was travelling en route to his destination. No commercial flights were allowed to depart and arrive in Tacloban on January 17, except for the papal and government chartered flights. That being the case, we would have to go to Leyte a day or two earlier, and come back to Manila on Sunday or later. We all finally decided that we'll just have to go there another time, that way we can attend the UST and Luneta events here in Manila.

Everyone knew that Philippine Airlines would officially take the pontiff to Tacloban, his plane dubbed as Shepherd One. But no one talked about a second plane, (at least none that I knew of nor heard), of which would fly to Tacloban some media personnel, and some prelates, among them, Archbishop John F. Du of Palo, and Archbishop Jose S. Palma of Cebu. I didn't know that either, not until I was inside the plane and saw them a few seats in front of me. I could not describe the humbling experience of being chosen to be in that flight.

With Ms. Anna Cosio and Mr. Raymond Bandril
of CBCP Media/ Areopagus
during our Mnl-Tac flight

That early morning of Saturday when I went to NAIA Terminal 3 to take the PR8191 scheduled to depart at 0600H, I was without sleep; not even a wink. I had ministry duties at my diocese and didn't want to disappoint the eager youth who wanted to volunteer at the Luneta Mass and the UST events. I prayed for strength and resolve to do what I must, remembering always that in all these things, I must decrease so that the Lord may increase. Unable to finish praying my rosary because I dozed off right before the plane even taxied on the runway, still God did not fail me. God is magnanimous that way, always looking past my sinfulness and shortcomings, and always exceeding my grandest dreams. He filled my being with strength, enough to sustain me until Monday when Pope Francis left for Rome. 

Arriving at the Daniel Z. Romualdez airport around 0715H that stormy Saturday, my heart had many expectations. Who wouldn't want to be near the Vicar of Christ? I wanted to be as close as I could get to Pope Francis myself as everyone else did. I even had a picture of my nephew and niece, and of my immediate family, inside my bag pocket, accompanied by a short note for the Holy Father, ready to be given to him just in case I got the chance. But I was also constantly reminded that there was a lesson to be learned; that more than getting the chance of being near the pope, I needed to re-encounter Jesus among the faithful gathered there. 

I don't keep e-ticket printouts 
and boarding passes

of flights I took in the past. But these 

I will definitely keep and treasure!

When I was told that I was chosen to be among those who will be officially sent to Palo as a volunteer writer, the news did not sink in right away. It did not sink in, not until I was actually there at the airport attending the Eucharistic celebration, in my own yellow slicker given by a volunteer, amongst the sea of people, mostly survivors of Haiyan. (Thank God for my very generous benefactor who even travelled with us!)

It felt surreal being there, being truly one with the people, drenched in bitter cold rain, struggling to stay upright during the Mass as blistering winds hit me like someone was shoving me from all sides. The gusts would momentarily disrupt the audio of the broadcast. From where I was, there were parts of the Mass that I could no longer hear because the 80 mph sustained winds of typhoon Amang (Mekkhala) howled louder than the sound coming from the speakers. 


God Sends His Angels

Several days prior to our flight, I got in touch with one of the monsignors who was a member of the committee for the Leyte papal events, to assist us in getting a car pass. Our team from the Diocese of Cubao Media and Communications ministry would be there, too. I was told we would be getting our car passes. But when we arrived in Tacloban, due to unforeseen circumstances, the driver of our rented van couldn't come pick us up. The van had to be parked a good distance from the airport. I was able to get in touch with the priest with whom I will be getting the car passes from, but then security did not allow me to leave the airport premises not until the pope was in the area where he will be celebrating Mass. 

Prayer was my only recourse. I asked God to send people who will help us. Again, God did not disappoint. I whispered a prayer of thanksgiving for His providence.


The God of Surprises

Being there with the survivors of typhoon Yolanda... to have the Holy Father in solidarity with all of us...  to be buffeted by strong winds alongside them... to cry with them during the Eucharistic celebration... I cannot actually find the perfect words to describe what I felt. But one thing I was very sure of: it was not an accident that I was there. God ordained it beforehand that I be on that very spot where I was, to re-encounter Him. It almost felt like being in two places at the same time: be physically standing there drenched in the rain, and basking in the warmth of God's love in His heavenly courts. I felt God embracing me. I felt Mother Mary there with me. 

I was overcome with joy because of God's unfailing love for me and for all of us; for He has seen our troubles and He cared about the anguish of our souls. (Ps 31:7) And Pope Francis was there to make God's love known!

And then it finally sank that that was where God wanted me to be at that very moment. He made things possible for me when things seemed impossible. In my life, the Good Lord has always surprised me with the most wondrous gifts. He has brought me to places beyond my imagination. He has always protected me, has been blessing me exceedingly, and has been enlarging my territory. (1 Chr 4:10). Being in Tacloban that blessed day, God has once again done far more abundantly for me, beyond what I asked for in prayer!

All glory, honor, and praise be unto Almighty God alone!

The Silent Gaze of Mercy

It was a wonderful morning a few days before Christmas. My coworkers decided to go to Tagaytay City to check on retreat houses that our diocesan catechists may stay-in for a retreat in 2015. They invited me to tag along. After weeks of working late, I welcomed the short getaway; I could use some fresh air. 

Maryridge Retreat House
of the Good Shepherd Sisters

As I waited for my friends to pick me up at the corner of Araneta Avenue and Aurora Boulevard, I saw a little boy about 6 to 8 years old, begging a coconut vendor to give him a piece. I overheard him saying he has not eaten yet. I could not resist the urge to approach them and offered to pay for one. He excitedly took the coconut fruit and water. I asked him where his parents were. In between sips, he nonchalantly replied he has no mother and his father is in jail because of cellphone theft. He has no siblings, and he said he has no house and sleeps in the streets. I felt a searing pain in my heart.

The vendor, perhaps also filled with pity for the child exclaimed, "Kung ang Diyos ay Diyos na maawain, bakit Niya hinahayaang magdusa ang mga batang paslit?" (If God is a God of mercy, why does He allow little children to suffer?)

Before I could answer him, he left almost in a haste, and so did the little boy, and I was left dumbfounded on that street corner. There I was looking forward to a short trip away from the city to unwind, while many nameless destitute people are worrying about where to get money for their next meal. I was excited to have some relaxation outside Manila, but around me are people lacking not just in basic necessities but also in love and attention. I felt guilt and sorrow. I felt I was not doing enough to alleviate pain in the world.

After a few minutes, my friends came. And so began my journey to Tagaytay, contemplating the pain and suffering of this world.

In the many years that I have served as a volunteer in various organizations that take care of the sick, the elderly, the poor, the abandoned and the marginalized of society, I have seen pain and despair. At one point in my life, I have asked God why He could have the heart to allow suffering? I believe that with Him nothing is impossible, but why then can't He do something about those abandoned elderly on the streets? Or bring healing to all those cancer-stricken children so that they may live a full life? Or provide a safe and loving home for orphans?

I have always known the answer. This inextinguishable faith in my heart will always find solace in the Truth of the Gospels. But in silence, I begged the Good Lord to remind me once again. Perhaps I needed to just hear Him speak to me.

We arrived to a chilly weather at the Franciscan Missionaries of Mary Retreat center and was welcomed by Sr. Aida, FFM. Inside her office was a simple reminder of the real Reason for this season of merriment and glad tidings. 

Sr. Aida's Nativity display
on her office desk

On her desk was a Nativity set ~ Saint Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary kneeling and adoring the Infant Jesus. Looking at the Holy Babe you'd expect to find joy. Ironically, all I could think about was the reason why Jesus had to be born for us all: our redemption through His Cross. And I thought about that hungry, homeless little boy I encountered earlier that day. I fought back tears as I thought of how he will be spending his Christmas while the rest of us shall be stuffing our bellies with good food and wine, and how we shall be celebrating till the wee hours of the morning with laughter and warmth with our loved ones. That boy will be  cold, hungry, and all alone.

And I looked to Jesus. In silence, He comforted my heart and reminded me of His love. Jesus knew how it was to be alone at the moments of His greatest sufferings. No other human soul could ever comprehend nor share the agony of His heart as He hung on the Cross. That is why He fully knows and understands what every breaking heart is going through. He  is Emmanuel after all; God with us who shares in our deepest loneliness. In His desolation, He reveals to us His infinite and unconditional love for humankind. Jesus invites us to come to Him that He may be able to take away our afflictions. He draws us to Himself that He may be able to dry all our tears.

As we continued on to have an ocular visit of the place, Sr. Aida led us to their chapel with a breathtaking view of the Taal Lake. Inside, as I would expect in a Franciscan congregation, hung a San Damiano Cross. I knelt in prayer and looked at the image of Jesus. 

The San Damiano Cross and an image of Mother Mary,
Chapel of the FMM Retreat House in Tagaytay

I was reminded of the salvific Love of Jesus. Saint John Paul II said in Salvifici Doloris, "Salvation means liberation from evil, and for this reason it is closely bound up with the problem of suffering... God gives His Son to 'the world' to free man from evil, which bears within itself the definitive and absolute perspective on suffering."

"God gives His only-begotten Son so that man 'should not perish' and the meaning of these words ' should not perish' is precisely specified by the words that follow: "but have eternal life". Man 'perishes' when he loses 'eternal life'. The opposite of salvation is not, therefore, only temporal suffering, any kind of suffering, but the definitive suffering: the loss of eternal life, being rejected by God, damnation. The only-begotten Son was given to humanity primarily to protect man against this definitive evil and against definitive suffering." (Saint John Paul II in Salvifici Doloris, IV, 14)

The Cross of Christ teaches us and empowers us to take up our own crosses and to be affirmed that in our own anguish, we partake of the suffering of Jesus. In Him we find comfort for our weary, burdened hearts. When we are faced with fears, we draw strength from Him who endured the ordeals and tortures of His Passion. When we feel alienated or rejected, He draws us to run to Him who alone can fill the emptiness our heart feels. 

I look up to the Cross, the eyes of Jesus lovingly gazing at me. Love is the answer of the meaning of suffering, and I found it in the eyes of the image of Jesus hanging on the Cross. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life" (St. John 3:16) 

I offered a prayer for that little boy, an image of Christ hungry for our love. Pray with me for him, and for all those abandoned children, the sick, the last, the lost, the least, all dear to Jesus whose birthday we celebrate every Christmas.

The Hobbit, Winning One Soul for God

I am not a moviegoer. I can actually go on for months without watching a film on TV or on the big screen. When I do go, I usually just tag along with cousins or accompany a nephew and niece. But every now and then, when time permits, I watch marathons with my siblings. 

Last Friday night, December 12, was one of those rare occasions when I watched a movie at the theater. It was a special movie screening organized by the Dominican (Order of Preachers) student brothers to raise funds for their ministry to the youth, justice and peace, care for creation,  promotion of devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and to support their social communications media apostolate. The fund raising activity was dubbed The Hobbit, for the Habit of Sharing!

I have read the Hobbit a long time ago, before the first Lord of the Rings movie came out. I honestly don't remember the details of it anymore, except that I am pretty sure Legolas was not in it yet. 

I enjoyed the movie a lot. It had been a long time since I have done something relaxing and entertaining. But I admit that I did not pay a hundred-percent attention to the details of every scene. As Thorin searched for the Arkenstone, I was reminded of how men get too attached with worldly possessions and pleasures. How we sometimes fall into madness as we obsessively pursue success, financial security, power and recognition. In one scene, Thorin said, "If more of us valued... cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." In this capitalist world we live in now, sometimes we all fall prey to greed and forget the things that truly matter most, like family, friends, and our Faith.

I may sound too mushy, but towards the end of the movie, I was struck by Tauriel's words as she mourned the death of Kili: "If this is love, I don't want it. Take it away, please! Why does it hurt so much?" 

Thranduil, the Elvenking, replied, "Because it was real."

It echoed what Archbishop Soc said about love. "My dear young people, love is not a feeling. Love is sacrifice. And there is no greater love than to die for your beloved", he said.

Earlier that Friday, I was at the Araneta Coliseum for the "Win One for God: A Pope Rally" organized by the Couples For Christ-Foundation for Family and Life (CFC-FFL) and the Family Rosary Crusade (FRC). It was a gathering that aimed to spiritually prepare the youth for the apostolic visit of Pope Francis in 2015, and it focused on the papal visit's theme, Mercy and Compassion. Archbishop Soc Villegas, D.D. presided over the Eucharistic celebration in honor of the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, with Bishop Honesto Ongtioco, D.D. of the Diocese of Cubao as con-celebrant. During the homily, Archbishop Soc reminded the youth to frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and not be afraid to ask God for forgiveness because He is our merciful and compassionate Father. He also explained why we do the sign of the cross ~ to know ("kilala"), love ("mahal") and accept ("tanggap") God. He emphasized that we should all keep our eyes fixed on Jesus; to focus on Him so that we may be able to do small acts of love and win a soul for God. 

As I watched the battle of the five armies, I thought of the daily struggles we go through and the inner wars we all fight in order to survive. In Bilbo, a hobbit, I thought of all the unsung heroes who work "behind the scenes" to make our daily existence more comfortable. I was also reminded of the shepherds who visited Jesus, ordinary folk who were used by God for a greater mission to spread the Joy of the Messiah's birth. I reflected on how we are all part of a great tapestry, that we all have something to do in the vineyard of the Lord. We all have a role to play, and God values our acts done in humility and love. 

Saint Therese' words echoed in my head, "Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love."

I thought of Bilbo Baggins, and how he who is unknown and lowly has helped change the heart of Thorin. It was not by power nor by might that he accomplished his mission. 

Pure, sacrificial love was the answer. It always has to be Love.

God's Mercies in Disguise

One of the Bible verses I learned as a child is that from Isaiah 55:8 which says, "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." Many times in my life I have asked, "How much longer must I wait, Lord?" Whenever I begin to question Him, this passage reminds me that God knows best and I need to wait for His perfect time. 

Photo credit: Maan Palma

Growing up, it was instilled upon me that in prayer, having faith means knowing that God  is capable of giving me all of my heart's desires. But wait, there is the important element of trust! To surrender to the will of God means that even though I am telling Him what I want, I cannot prescribe how God must answer me; I have to let Him work wonders in my life and not demand that He must give-in to whatever I am asking from Him. As a daughter of the Almighty Father, I ought to have confidence in His goodness, wisdom and faithfulness. To trust God means I will let Him shape the answers to my prayers according to His love and mercy. 

When our prayers do not get answered, the devil takes the opportunity to deceive us into believing that God has forgotten us and has left us to fend for ourselves. But as Christians, we know that to trust the Lord means we shall allow Him to give us what He knows is best for each of us, His children.  God alone sees beyond what our eyes can see, He knows infinitely more than what our finite minds can grasp, and we have to humbly submit to Him and be rest assured that He shall only give what will most benefit our souls and our situations in life, according to His plans. But then again, whenever the crosses upon our shoulders seem to become too heavy to bear, we are all tempted to question God if He truly listens and loves us...

Just for the last week,  I have been to four Advent recollections. Bringing to mind all the marvelous blessings God has bestowed upon me, I also remember all my prayers that God has not answered. In retrospect, all those unanswered supplications have been part of God's wonderful plan for my life.

I remember how, as a little girl, I wanted my entire family to move to the United States to be with my father who was working there at that time. It did not happen. Prior to college, I was offered a chance to study in the US, but that, too, did not materialize. I may only have inklings as to the real reasons why God did not allow me to go there back then, but I now see the many reasons why He preferred to delay the grace of migrating to a foreign land. Looking back at the way my life as a student had been, I realized that all my experiences in school have helped shape who I am today. One of the best blessings of spending the crucial formative years of my life here in the Philippines is growing in the Faith, thanks to my teachers and mentors in the Catholic schools I have attended.

I recall that time I had my heart badly broken and begged God to intervene that I may receive the love that I thought I deserved.  I felt so shattered and unworthy of love. The Lord did not meddle in the affairs of my heart, and back then it seemed to me that He was not being a supportive Father. Fast forward to the present day, whenever I remember those crazy days, it has become an opportunity to laugh with God. I am so glad now that He did not answer my prayers then, because now I understand that He was just sparing me from more misery and tears.

I think of the many times I cried myself to sleep at night, wondering if God could hear my pleas. Reminiscing about those moments, I now know that in His denials, He makes sure to make His love palpable and evident so as to prevent me from falling into despair. All those tears have taught me to rely on His unconditional love for me. In every single "No" that He has given, He has taught me to depend on His generosity and providence. His unfailing Word promises me that He keeps track of all my sorrows; He collects all my tears and records each one in His book. (Psalm 56:8). He promises to one day wipe every tear from my eyes and there shall be no more mourning nor pain. (Revelation 21:4)

In my life, I have asked God countless things, and whenever He chooses to give me less, it is when I am assured that He loves me too much. For the things I still beg of Him, He instructs me to be patient, for only He shall choose to answer me in His own way and in His own time. He teaches my heart to rejoice and to feast on hope while I wait for the fulfillment of His promises to me. In suffering and in waiting, God transforms me to become a woman after His own heart, and He draws me into an even deeper relationship with Him.

In the past, whenever I feel burdened and at the brink of despair, I would question God "Why?". These days, when problems arise, I am now able to ask, "Lord, how can I find You in the midst of all these problems and pain?" 

Often, God's gifts to us do not come in the kind of packaging that we expect. We find a rock, and discover that within is a precious diamond. The rain has to pour first, before God paints the sky with a rainbow.

Laura Story-Evington says it best in her song, Blessings: God's gifts come through rain drops, His healing comes through tears; a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He is near. My greatest disappointments and the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can never ever satisfy. The trials, the tempests, the hardest nights, are God's mercies in disguise.

The Challenge To Be Merciful and Compassionate

When you have all the reasons to get miffed, how does one practice mercy and compassion? 

I have had a hectic schedule for the last two months, and it is even busier in the coming weeks. This morning I thought of all the things that make me tick and offered them to God...

Sleep deprivation. Messed-up meal times. Technical difficulties at work. Stifling heat. My allergies. Some characters who think they own the world and act like they have the right to make slaves of everyone. Traffic everywhere. 

These and other little things that can make a person easily irked or go ballistic are just some of the things that can spike my cortisol levels into unbelievable heights. Add to these stimuli are some people who will just get into my nerves no matter how hard I try to be nice. Often, I do not have the gentleness of an angel; nor the patience of a saint. I am sometimes short-fused like Saul of Tarsus when provoked. But through the years, I have, if I may say so, become tamed. (On that note, even my snootiness has tempered.)

I am God's work in progress. I am glad my conversion did not include falling to the ground like what happened to Saint Paul on the road to Damascus! Neither was there a burning bush nor peals of thunder and arrows like lightning! From day one, I was introduced to a loving, gentle God who will never turn His back on me. His loving kindness drew me back to run to Him, like a prodigal daughter returning into the loving arms of the Almighty Father.

To be  a woman after God's own heart really requires both His Grace and my cooperation! I am just so glad we have a merciful, very patient God who never gives up on me!

This morning I was begging God to fix my schedule for me so that I can fulfill all the dreams He has planted in my heart. I was also dreaming of a much-needed "hibernation." But he reminded me to do (and keep on doing) certain things so that I shall always have "grace under pressure."

Start the day with a prayer. This I have proven to be foolproof! When I begin my day even with a few moments to talk to the Lord, the day passes in a breeze. "In the face of so many wounds that hurt us and could lead to a hardness of heart, we are called to dive into the sea of prayer, which is the sea of the boundless love of God, in order to experience His tenderness."(Pope Francis) Prayer does not have to be very long. What is important is that it is sincere. I usually start my "conversation" with the Lord the moment I open my eyes. I thank Him for waking up to another day. I offer Him the plans and activities that need to be done, and pray that in everything I may be able to give Him glory and praise. I always bear in mind that it is not my work; that it is not my mission, but it is God's. He is only using me to be His hands and feet ~ His heart. If it is possible to go to daily Mass, then I  go. I do my very best to do so. "The Mass is the most perfect form of prayer." (Blessed Pope Paul VI)

Forgive seventy times seven. We all stumble and make mistakes. Sometimes we do hurtful things to others, intentionally or unintentionally. When someone wrongs us, do we choose to retaliate, or do we use our energy instead to resolve misunderstandings or issues? Jesus challenges us to make allowances for each other's faults and forgive those who offend us, just as He never tires on forgiving us. During the Mass of the Lord's Supper in 2013, Pope Francis said "... Sometimes I am angry with someone or other... but... let it go, let it go, and if he or she asks you a favor, do it. Help one another: this is what Jesus teaches us and this (is) what I am doing, and doing with all my heart." Jesus' example ought to motivate us to be merciful, because God in His inexhaustible mercy has also forgiven us. In the Lord's prayer, we say "And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."(Matthew 6:12). Either we take the path towards revenge, or opt for reconciliation. The choice is really ours.

A smile begets a smile . Pope Francis said, "I cannot imagine a Christian who does not know how to smile. May we joyfully witness to our faith." Happiness is contagious; smiling is an outward expression of joy... In my daily commute, I'd often come across people who test my patience. In the past, little annoyances would ruin my day. I have learned now to try to look at the bright side of every situation. I have read somewhere that we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. It is the same with the way we choose to deal with every circumstance in our life. The way we respond to others, even the way we choose to see things, make all the difference. Happiness is a conscious choice. Sometimes, all it takes is a smile to cheer-up someone who is in sorrow, or let another person feel at ease. A smile can brighten the darkest day!

Count your blessings. I remember one of my favorite childhood fairy tales, Peter Pan, where he said, "Think of happy thoughts and you will fly!" As Christians, we ought to think of all the blessings God bestows upon each of us and count them! "Young people who choose Christ are strong: They are fed by His Word and they do not 'stuff themselves' with money, possessions and fleeting pleasure", Pope Francis told the youth last 29th (diocesan) WYD earlier this year. Yes whatever wealth or possession we have right now are blessings, too. But those that really matter are not the things that money can buy! Wealth of priceless value includes our family, our friends, our Faith, and many more! Whenever I begin to think of my real treasures, I cannot help but smile and forget my inconveniences. 

Go the extra mile. As worn out as it may sound, I believe this adage is still good advice. Going the extra mile is not just doing more of what is expected of us, but it is also putting our hearts in whatever we are doing, and doing even the simplest things in love. Oh yes, Love. Love is always the best answer. "Love is the measure of faith", Pope Francis tweeted @Pontifex. Our Holy Father also said that "Faith when centered in service opens oneself to a true encounter with God." We are all called to follow the example of Jesus who laid down His life for us. There is so much loneliness and despair in the world because we who are in Christ fail to live out our baptismal duty of sharing God's love and mercy with others. Pope Francis reminds us that "Everyday we are all called to become a 'caress of God' for those who perhaps have forgotten their first caresses or perhaps who never have felt a caress in their life."

Swim against the tide. We live in an age where Faith and morals are sadly downplayed. The world entices us to settle for vain and empty illusions of happiness. Pope Francis told the youth to "Pay attention, my young friends: to go against the current; this is good for the heart, but we need courage to swim against the tide... We Christians were not chosen by the Lord for little things; push on-wards toward the highest principles. Stake your lives on noble ideals, my dear young people!" (Pope Francis, April 28, 2013 Homily) In another instance, His Holiness said, "Say NO to an ephemeral, superficial and throwaway culture, a culture that assumes that you are incapable on taking responsibility and facing the great challenges of life... Have the courage to swim against the tide. Have courage to be truly happy... Think big instead! Open your hearts!" I find assurance in the hope and joy I have in Christ. What a stress-reliever to know that when I obey God, I bring joy to His heart.

Focus on Jesus. In a world now too caught up with the advances in technology, in easy access to comfort and instant gratification, we sometimes lose sight of the things that are really important. We forget that God is the Source of all the blessings we have. The Vicar of Christ teaches us that "Following and accompanying Christ, staying with Him, demands 'coming out of ourselves'... out of a dreary way of living Faith that has become a habit, out of the temptation to withdraw into our own plans which end by shutting out God's creative action." (Papal Audience, March 27, 2014). Pope Francis reminds us that "The life of Jesus is a life for others. It is a life of service."  Following Jesus, and keeping our eyes fixed on Him also means trusting Him fully. "Trust in God banishes all fear and sets us free from every form of slavery and all worldly temptations", Pope Francis said. When we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of Faith, we receive the grace to strip off every weight that slows us down and we are able to run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1-2). We are able to fight the good fight with courage and determination, and are not easily discouraged. We are able to persevere and are not afraid to share the Gospel even when the world considers us foolish because we are assured that in Jesus we find our strength and our salvation. 

Remember always that we are made for happiness. Choosing to leave the corporate world and embracing a life of pastoral work in the vineyard of God has been the most radical, craziest decision I have made in my life, and I have no regrets. It is not financially fulfilling, but it has filled my life with so much joy. A few weeks ago, coming home late again from work, my mother exclaimed, "It is not easy being a fisher of men!" I did not have the right words to say at that moment, but my heart was overwhelmed with so much happiness. I no longer enjoy the "glamour and prestige" of being a career woman in Makati, but I know that I am perfectly where God wants me to be. "Faith in God has everything to do with the happiness we are made for. Jesus did not come to take away our fun. In His words, 'I have told you these things so that My joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete!'" (xt3.org Advent Calendar 12/1/14)

Pope Francis said that "To change the world, we must be good to those who cannot repay us." He challenges each one of us to be Jesus for others. "To love God and neighbor is not something abstract, but profoundly concrete: it means seeing in every person the face of the Lord to be served, to serve him concretely... Love is expressed more clearly in actions than in words. There is greater love in giving than in receiving. These two criteria are like the pillars of true love: deeds, and the gift of self." (Homily, 6/7/13 Feast of the Sacred Heart)

Right now, one song plays over and over in my head ~ the prayer of generosity of Saint Ignatius of Loyola: Lord, teach me to be generous... to give and not to count the cost... to labor and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do Your will. I remind myself now that patience is a virtue. That in my journey, I must travel with Jesus along the path of Love. I pray to be able to do everything in love. I pray to be constantly renewed by God's mercy so that with His grace, I may always be merciful and compassionate like Jesus.